My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Cake Wrecks Correlation

As part of our on-going research into what makes things funny (and because it was a slow Friday night), John and I recently decided to test the effects of alcohol on humor writing. To save both time and Arbor Mist, I was elected test subject. (Even the fumes get me tipsy. It's pathetic, really.) John then showed me Wrecks, took notes, and laughed at me. A lot.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here are the "official" results:

After five sips:

Subject response: "Talk about your seedy humor: I've heard of calling someone a melon-head before, but this is ridiculous!" [attempts to high-five official note-taker] "Booyah!"

After approx. 1/2 glass:

Subject response: [apparently attempting to impersonate Bill Cosby] "FI-BRRR!! FI-BRRR!! AHAHAHAHA-HAAA!"

After one glass:

Subject response: [singing] "PANT-ies, PANT-ies, tralala-LAAA. Wesh shoulda had PANTIES at our engager-mental party." [giggling] "Yeah." [Silence. Then...] "Why don't shou luff me? Thish ish MY job! Zshoo don't care about me!"

After two glasses:

Subject response: *HURK* *HUURK* *BLAAGAHGAHGAHGAH!!!!*

After 2 glasses and 10 minutes:


(Official Note-Taker's Note: At this point the test was concluded.)

So, our conclusion? We desperately need some better wine. And possibly - although this needs further testing to be absolutely sure - some kind of a social life.

You're welcome, scientific community.

Rebecca M., Michael Z., Anony M., & Heather G., I would guess that last thing isn't actually a cake - but it is most certainly a Wreck. Also, are any of you free this weekend?

- Related Wreckage: Wacked Out Wrecks

« Guess That Cake | Main | A Haiku for You, Deer »

Reader Comments (155)

Whoever did that last one was on much more than Arbor Mist. *shudder*

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjazz bird

The Mom said...

"It's a penis forest cake with Jalapeno peppers, prunes and sea weed on the sides, submerged in what appears to be oozing poop."

ah, thanks for the brilliant explanation, but how do you know - was it you that ordered it from the baker? (only kidding!)

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is my least favorite post. I like you sober better. You're funnier.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHomeschooling Anna

This is one of my favorite posts yet!!!!
Thank you both for ... eh...SACRIFICING your sanity and your alcohol all for the progress of the scientific community. Well done!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMe!

Maybe the last one was made for a chocoholic who needed aversion therapy.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

When science projects turn hilarious! LOL

That last one looks like Loreena Bobbitt's birthday cake. It appears she didn't stop with her husband who coincidentally was named John if I recall correctly. Hmmmm.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie T.

Arbor Mist -- Breakfast of Champions! I can get so wrecked on it, we must've been separated at birth!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbats :[

Hilarious!!! This will keep me laughing for a while:)

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea F.

I'm with ACM... I saw "blue uterus"

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

LOL with the last cake! Literally Laughed out loud. My 6 year old was like, What's so funny? Love you guys!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

These Wrecks were so Wrecky, I thought I was the one drinking!

Mmm. Arbor Mist. The wine that doubles as a breakfast beverage.

WV: extro - The balloons on the flame cake added that extro-special touch.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seriously? I need to know more about that last one. The vomit-turd cake has me perplexed.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpmhrh

Is that last one "turd-henge" WTH!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternoneya

I find that when I write while intoxicated by Patron that the quality of my writing goes up, while the quality of my grammar and punctuation ability goes down. So later, when I'm sober, I have to go back over it to fix all the redundancies and punctuation errors. But the alcohol makes me less afraid to say what I really want to say, especially when writing fiction. Maybe this is why so many writers become alcoholics! At least I'm not going "Hmm...I need to write something, how about a shot of tequila" it's more the opposite..."Hmm...I've had a shot of tequila and am feeling about I write?" :D Better than getting into some kind of trouble!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess R.

I laughed so hard out loud at this entry, my neighbor (who I work with and will see all day tomorrow) banged on the wall. This site is dangerous to look at at 2:20 in the morning.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLil

Definitely one of the most hilarious posts ever. I believe your conclusion is flawed, however. You two are doing just fine with Arbor Mist. Now it's John's turn to be the "subject"....

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsflyerswife

When I clicked on the picture of #4, the name included "state+fair". I have a feeling that one really isn't a "Wreck" by definition if it was included as a state fair entrant for something (and I don't WANT to know what!)

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

I also saw blue uterus!!

I think the last one must be for one of those blasphemers who do not like cake - I imagine it is some sort of meatloaf type dish.

I have seen some very pretty cakeless cakes that were of the meatloaf variety. The were "frosted" with mashed potatoes and had lettering done in ketchup.
They did not have poo towers.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLizard

One of your most hilarious posts ever. I must disagree with your conclusion. Arbor Mist seems to make the subject more funny...I think you need more testing though. Perhaps it's John's turn to be the subject.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsflyerswife

I don't know...I had almost the same response to that last one sitting at my desk, sober!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeemack

The last one is an ode to all things that make you poo. Prunes, peppers, sundried tomatoes. You know.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabee

LOL That Bill Cosby show is one of my favorites ever. "I'M GOING OUT BECAUSE I DESERVE TO GO OUT! I'M GOING TO GET DRUNK BECAUSE I DESERVE TO GET DRUNK! SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!" certainly looks like SOMEONE was drunk when they put together that last...whatever the heck it is. 0_o

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Are those dolmas on the last one?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFran

Love the panties one! Disturbed by the last one. A turd fence?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLesli

And I thought that one of the guys I know had a low alcohol tolerance... that's an astonishingly low tolerance.

I'm not even old enough to drink, and I want to so I can forget ever seeing that last "cake" there. **shudders**

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

@techydad--great theory!

love the Bill Cosby reference. At first, I thought you were being a really sloppy (speechwise) drunk, until I realized it was from the dentist segment where he had novacaine. funny!

wv: cansis--where Toto used to live. either that, or twin girly beers.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, so... could the person who submitted the last cake please stand up and tell us what the heck it actually is, or what it's made of? All I see when I look at it is some kind of alien larvae. Ewwww.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWally

poo pillars? okra & tomatoes &... are those bananas on the back? there's not enough arbour mist in the world to get me to taste that!!! hurk hurk is right!

wv: enceis.... little sally enceised slowly away from the scary poo pillar cake

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I didn't know "white" was a flavour. Well, I guess that's my "learn something new" thing today.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Gravekeeper

That last one...gahh. Prunes, jalapenos, and ho-ho's? Really?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

In all this wedding planning, I knew I forgot something - the engager-mental party!


I need to get right on this!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristina M.

See, I didn't see panties.. I totally saw a uterus. And what the hell is that last thing?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

As a "fruity" wine drinker myself I wanted to pass a delicious wine flavor on to you...its called "Bare Foot" flavor is White Zin. Its not dry or bitter - very smooth - and can't beat the $6 or $8 price (and it has the cutest little pink baby foot on it!) Also - I am new to your site (thanks to Sleep Talkin' Man as they have your site as one of their favorites) and I absoutly LOVE your site!! I read your "fireman" story and forwarded it to my husband - we were crying with laughter!! Thanks for the much needed joy!!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"It's a penis forest cake with Jalapeno peppers, prunes and sea weed on the sides, submerged in what appears to be oozing poop."

I concur with this description, also, I would like to soak it in gasoline and set it on fire.


March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMira8

These cakes are horrible, but the last one takes

Also, I'd love to be friends with you guys and part of your social circle! Come over any time! :-)


March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't tell what the last one is, looks like chocolate covered bananas on top?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermimimv

The last one is a meat cake. In other words, a low-carb alternative!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlan

those poor balloons! they're positively cowering.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Leastlikely

Cake #4 reminded me of one of my favorite dishes in James Lileks' The Gallery of Regrettable Food (one of the funniest books I have ever read); a picture of that entry can be found on the first page of the chapter "When It's Strictly Stag". Look up the book in Amazon and browse through the "Look inside the book" feature. Unfortunately Lileks' hilarious description of the dish isn't included on the site.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBoy George

Blechh! Esp. the last CW. That just looks like sh**cake.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

The only thing that would have made this better was audio or video of the commentary.

I'm imagining that Jen was singing about the PANTies cake.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

That last "Cake" and I say cake because I am guessing that's what it a true nightmnare. What the heck is it suppossed to be? And seriously, jalapenos?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

That last one looks like it has a wide assortment of fruits and vegetables in various stages of dessication, plus whatever those erect things in the middle may be (sausages? chocolate-covered bananas? really ugly cucumbers?).

So my best guess is that it's one of those special cakes that zoos make for star animals when they want to celebrate something like Milo the Tortoise's 400th Birthday. Probably incorrect, but I've got to come up with some theory that will let me hold on to my sanity.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

thesacredandtheprofane said:

"Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed."


BTW, that last cake is probably a birthday cake for a dog. Or a bear. Or some other carnivorous animal.

I'm desperately hoping.

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I actually screeched in FEAR when I saw the last thing?!
Chocolate frosting.. and vegetables?! PICKLES?!

I threw up in my mouth a little.. *hurk*

wv: cheeseme - I'm happy the last thing didn't have cheese on it!!

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKisa

There is something sprinkled around the last cake that may be oats, but at first glance they looked like *ahem* "acorns" [read Corn Nuts] to me. That, in turn, made me think of the infamous Kwanzaa Cake.

I believe the last cake is actually a perversion of a perversion [said Kwanzaa Cake].

Wow.... just wow.... *bemused face palm while snickering*

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarasu

So my 5-year-old twins weren't much better in figuring out what these messes were:

1) spaghetti, whipped cream, chocolate tears, and red spaghetti (they couldn't see the watermelon this face is evidently hiding behind)

2) flames and balloons (okay, that was accurate, just no explanation why fire is streaking sideways across the cake at balloons)

3) underwear OR a strangely colored heart with swirls

4) WHAAAT? just a mess--no other explanation; why are there chocolate-dipped hotdogs on it?

WV: horake--the only implement suitable for disposing of that last mess (certainly not a fork, knife, or spoon!)

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What the heck is that last thing?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonique

Is the title of this post a Big Bang Theory reference?

March 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Hoffman Kids

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