My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

At Least It Wasn't A Flash Drive

I don't know about you guys, but when I get something unexpected in the mail, I can't WAIT to open it.

Well, unless it's a bill. Or junk mail. Or suspiciously soggy*.

Anyway, the point is, I think it's basic human nature to want to know what's inside a mystery container. To explore! To learn! To find potential new sources of money/fame/candy! C'mon, it's the basic premise of birthday parties, Christmas, and that whole Pandora-and-her-box thing.

Case in point: if someone handed you a large padded envelope and asked you to "please put this on my cake," and you were, you know, someone who makes cakes, would you...

A) Open the envelope to see what your customer wants printed on the cake


B) Scan the OUTSIDE of the envelope and print that on the cake?


Survey says...

The answer is "Crystal Image Big Prints" clear!


Many thanks to Monica S., who reports she got this gem of a response when she complained:

"You never told me to look in the envelope."


Anyone else suspect this baker gets a lot of wrapping paper for Christmas?


*"Suspiciously Soggy" should totally be a band name. Make this happen, people.


Quick Reminder: Hey, Atlanta! Tomorrow night! Our very first "Winter Underlined" Show! Be there!

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Reader Comments (67)

My favorite name suggestion for a band is "Sullen Insolence".

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I'm a little hesitant to ask, but do you get many suspiciously soggy packages?? That's a little disconcerting! Especially if it's amongst dry mail!

Also, there are a few snarky comments that I will keep to myself... but, seriously?? It makes me wonder if the baker opened the picture envelope but didn't like the picture. I imagine it going something like this:
(cake decorator mumbling to him/herself) "Ugh! Another old man in a striped shirt in Green Bay... *grumble grumble* I'd rather look at the photo envelope than another family reunion picture. *light bulb pops up over baker's head* HEEEYYYY!!! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!"

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Lol you have to actually TELL them to open the envelope? Next thing you know they will want you to do it for them..evil lazy wreckerators. Who apparently thought sperm balloons would cover the fact they didn't bother to look inside. Lol.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Wow. I've endured countless people on the Internet who have watched Idiocracy and are convinced it's somehow proof that humanity is literally getting stupider, and have even read most of Not Always Right's archives without reaching that conclusion, but... after seeing this... I dunno, I'm starting to think maybe there's some truth to it after all.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

So this is what the product quality would be like if a bakery hired my dog... aka Simple Dog.
(I've seen him unable to find a treat because it was between his back paws and he couldn't see it.)
Obviously you can never underestimate someone's potential for stupidity.
I, too, expected the envelope itself to be stuck on the cake.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

Clearly, pardon the pun, they were so exited about the "Camera Store Quality", that they totally missed the boat on the CAKE store quality.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I can't help but wonder what they thought this cake was for? Stupidity aside did they honestly look at the envelope and think "yeah...that seems perfectly acceptable, it's important to celebrate 'Camera Store Quality Crystal Image' now and then"

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAstra

I was so excited for signing that I did a dry run last night. And by dry run I mean I thought yesterday was October 18th and was completely shocked when the only book signing going on at that Barnes and Noble was for Paula Deen. So I'm really excited that today is the real October 18th. Unlike the imposter yesterday.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJacqui B.

How to deal with this species of wreckerator: Put the payment in an envelope. When the envelope is expertly sliced open 0.004 second later, simply say, "Aha! Why didn't you do that with the other envelope?!"

Then say, "Now give me both envelopes, and you can keep the cake. See ya!"

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I knew what the answer was gonna be, but still....
The snarky reply from the "person behind the counter" is what got to me. Really? REALLY????

I agree with Craig...hope they put the payment in an envelope!

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

OMG, I just found your blog today, and I spent my entire evening LMAO at everything posted. I'm in tears! I have an upset stomach from laughing so hard. Thank you. I feel like I just went through therapy!

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpj

Heather, that is the most brilliant thing I have had heard in awhile. I hope you don't mind if I steal your idea.

October 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

@ Twinmom: My sister actually received her invite, no bar coded envelope for her! However she did put it in her "bills" stack to be opened at a later date. She called to tell me as she sat down to go through her bills, I about died of embarrassment. If I had known I would have gladly purchased invitations for my in-laws to use, or at least plain pink or yellow envelopes that would indicate to the receiver that this particular piece of mail is not a bill. I am not sure if anyone RSVP'd directly because she did not include her area code (all of my invites were out of town/state) and I am too embarrassed to ask my MIL if anyone contacted her for fear of telling her the reasons why. God love her heart, she really did mean well.

October 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVC

Haha! Whether flash drive or photo envelopes, it's my life in cake! This is getting e-mailed to my fellow printers.

And Monica, I vote your baker's punishment should be to come work in a print lab at Christmas. We can outsnark and outwit. ; )

October 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

Suspiciously Soggy is totally the name of my Steely Dan cover band.

October 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Just wanted to point out, that it's possible this file was from a proof file on a disk from wherever it was developed, etc.-- and the format is only viewable from that store's software, and when the cake decorator selected the file that the customer told them they wanted, and it "icing-printed" the image onto the cake-- the default logo for that file printed. (This is a REALLLLY watered down version of the explanation, by the way).

November 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

You know... When the person making the cake is that dense... I would have second thoughts about EATING the cake, who knows what's inside it. "Oh I'm out of sugar.. oh hang on, washing powder... well it's white, so it's pretty much the same."

November 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndreas

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