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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Feb242011

You Talkin' To Me?

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)

Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.


Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"

I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.

When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:


And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.

According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?


Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.

* Which I just made up.

« A Matter of Life and Death | Main | Wreck Reaction »

Reader Comments (74)

CW never ceases to amuse me! :-)

Anon: There is a website of tattoo wrecks called, "Ugliest Tattoos."

wv: zismin-Does zismin I can have cake now?

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm calling "Epcot" on the dice pips.

I do know a family that has called their youngest child (#6) 'Poopypants' since birth and it appears to still be his name, at a much older age. (I'm waiting for the cake with that moniker - it fits the family)

That said, thanks for the laughs!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

Anon at 10:50, I also read Velvie

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

Ditto everything The Boob Nazi said above, they beat me to the punch.

Regarding the rest of the post, it took me a couple minutes to figure out what "fast rack" was really supposed to be. I think I prefer that to "fast track" though, to be honest.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Perhaps the Monkey Couple was supposed to be a real "money" couple? As in, "he's so money"? Either way, it would've been nice if they'd rolled a 7 or 11 on those dice...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEdith Salvatore

That number two joke was absolutely awesome. Niiiice.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHayley M

Let's hope that first cake isn't for a surprise party. I can just imagine an 88 year old walking in and everyone jumping out and yelling "SURPRISE!" Yeah folks, guess what? The surprise is that this isn't a birthday cake anymore. It's funeral fodder.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMisara Theirin

My best friends name is Julie and in my phone she is Jewie because the little girl I use to be a nanny for called her Jewie and thats what she became. I have gotten her a cake that says Jewie before.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterscotprincess

Wreckerator: What? Monkey? Really? Okaaay, if that's what they want on it. But maybe I'll use my best script just because. Pretty dicey there. Is that right? Heck, who cares. It's Vegas, baby, everybody's dice is loaded. ok. Done. Now back to my real job of mopping the floor.

wv: stiounc = It's double-down night and I'm stiounc here and the baker's nowhere to be found.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To all the people complaining about the dice being wrong, you are as bad as the people who get upset about the colours being wrong on a Rubik's cube cake!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"I have Pop-pop in the attic."

"The fact that you call making love 'Pop-Pop' tells me you're not ready."

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1 Is that a rifle barrel? It would be, if I were 'Joan'.

#2 Several states have 'Fastrack' -- a device that one puts in a car to allow use of 'express lanes'. Those are lanes that are largely unoccupied except when people are paying exorbitant fees to (not) move at the same speed as those in the 'free' lanes. (A love of irony is required to work as a traffic engineer, it seems.) Anyway, maybe the cake pertains to that. Not sure what a 'YP' is, though.

#3 Did we consider that the order might have been called in by Elmer Fudd?

#4 What's in the upper left? I can't hazard a guess. It's embedded in the frosting, so I hope it is food-safe.

#5 Something is wrong with the dice. Just had to get in on the EPCOT...

#6 A birthday celebration coincides with the completion of potty training. Oh joy. Won't that child cherish that picture in years to come.

wv: prevent (really). Only you can prevent wrecks like these. But whatever you do, don't.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I read fast rack as 'Fat Rack' initially. So really, they could have wrecked it worse...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLirion

My day isn't done without a peek at your fabulous site; being on the other side of the earth from yours, my day starts with the lovely treat of wrecks sandwiched between gems of wacky humour (or is it the other way round?) and topped with a lavish spread of comments.....ahhhh....truly smorgastartic!!! Love you!

wv: nitissi - the poplulace that loves to dissect humour...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVK

To Anon @2:44
I'm assuming you've never been around small chilren? Most of those names originate when kids are too little to pronounce grandma or grandpa so that's what they say instead and everybody thinks it's cute and it just sticks. And it's not just 'rednecks,' it's pretty much country-wide from what I've seen. We have a Jamma, a Jampa and a Nini in our family now. Have some fun with it! =)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

That last cake would make me die laughing if I wasn't the unfortunate one having to pay for that thing. Horrid goopy gel like stuff makes it just more disturbing. Poor poop poop.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

What's too bad is that the cake for the "old lady" is kind of pretty (though a little over decorated.) Too bad the writing ruined it.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

well, the monkey/lucky cake had really nice handwriting... So I'm *sure* that was just an honest mistake....

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKShay

Is there some kind of trend to have Oreos (or possibly non-brand sandwich cookies) stuck in frosting piles on cake nowadays? They're always so soggy by the time you get to eat them, you don't even need milk.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Also, the dice on the cake are wrong. Opposite faces are supposed to add up to 7.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

number two ... cleverest. pun. ever.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh Jen. This is my very favorite movie. Now I love you with so many more fibers of my being! And I will join the majority in sharing a particularly good line: "When did THAT happen?!" "I don't know!...somewhere between my vest and my pants."

February 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharell

I don't mean to be a stickler for detail - but on a standard six sided dice, the numbers on opposite sides always add up to 7. So it's not possible for the side with the 6 to be next to the side with the 1.

February 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The #2 joke. Awesome! LOL (literally)

March 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCupPies4eva

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