My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Killer Thrillers (HEEhee!)

[howling wind]
[howling dog]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]

Darkness falls across the land...

Prince Humperdink: SKIP to the end!

Oh. Ok.


The fowl-est stench is in the air...


The FUNK of forty thousand years!

Give or take an eon.

And Grizzly ghouls from EVERY tomb...

Or maybe a Canadian Black Bear, eh?

Are closing seal your DOOM.


And though you fight to stay alive...

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm missin'myarm, and whereismyface?"

Your body starts to SHIVER. timbers!

(Or maybe that's Orlando Bloom. Hm? LADIES?)

For no MERE MORTAL can resist...

Baby Cthulhu!


... David Caruso riding a unicorn under a double rainbow!

The EVIL...

(Oh. Or that)








Is that supposed to be steak?


Thanks to Melinda M., Sarah C., Natasha, Nell H., John M., Rebecca J., Carrie, Robin L., Wolfie, and P. Humperdink for saving us from having to find a cake for "y'alls neighborhood."

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Reader Comments (184)

I vote for Orlando Bloom. Even before I read your remark after that, I thought that.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

I like the baby? Cthulu cake! The grill cake though... EEK!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS why are the Cthulu cake and the David Caruso cookie under WRECKS? THEY ARE GENIUS! If I ever deign to spawn I am getting that kawaii elder god cake, question mark and all! That's what makes it so great! And David Caruso riding a unicorn? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Aaargh! Uterus cake!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

the last one made me immediately think 'labia with 3 mushrooms'

now there's an unusual theme for a cake

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I wish the Baby Cthulu cake was better made. It has such great potential and would be the perfect baby shower cake for my group of friends

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

For some reason, the Epcotdragon is giving me a Norma Desmond doesn't know that its time has passed, that a fur stole and a smear crazy-lady makeup doesn't repair the ravages of time, and that it is definitely NOT ready for its closeup, Mr. DeMille!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKae

Maybe the zombie lamb cake of patriotic death was just covering lots of holidays?
Passover, Easter, Memorial Day, and 4th of July?

How long do those cakes sit in the displays anyway?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersevenchickadees

#1 The rare red-eyed, Croc-billed duck makes an appearance.

#2 The Abandoned Bakery strikes again.

#3 could be the most cleverly-disguised CCC ever.

#5 Turning 40 is painful enough (for some), but a *disco* reference? That's cold. Mmmm. Fondant-y.

#6 Lilly is at that awkward age where she can't decide between the color pink, some piratey-looking guy carrying an umbrella and giant gray caterpillars.

#7 "It's a baby?" Really? If you aren't sure, don't say it -- unless you like wearing cake.

#8 This cookie really puts things in perspective, in a Picasso kind of way.

#9 "Has anyone seen the one-inch diameter nozzle for my piping bag? Never mind -- found it!"

wv: aftichee. The sound made by the rare Croc-billed duck when it sneezes.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

the bleeding lamb WILL give me nightmares...

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

John (Epcot of Epcot), you are freakin' hilarious. I'm so glad you and Jen are around to brighten my days.

Carry on (please).

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I will not comment on the crumbling, dust encrusted dragon.

Everyone seems so hypnotized by the baby? chtulu cake that that no one has commented on the grey slug-like piles of frosting with poo-dots surrounding Orlando Bloom. Are those supposed to be sea monsters, aliens, or some other indescribable horror?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

"Or maybe a Canadian Black Bear, eh?"

But not a real black bear, that's cruel.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngieN24

That is quite possibly the coolest cookie I have ever seen.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

OK, maybe it's just me, but on the David Caruso cake...does the unicorn's mane look like a certain part of the male anatomy - only ribbed? Hmmm? Anybody? Anybody?

Also: does anybody have any BBQ tongs to lend that I can poke my eyes out from looking at the labia major/IUD - I mean, steak - cake?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Prince humperdink and Thriller. You made my day once again :)

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClara J.

Ha ha!! I thought the last cake was a uterus with an IUD in it. I thought maybe it was made for an OB/GYN but thought why would anyone do that and then I realized it was a steak.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan Morrison

I seriously love you guys... and thank you for pointing out "Its a baby" cuz Frankly I had no clue what the hell that thing was.... *scratching head and thinking* really? that was a baby??????

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo You!!

That last cake makes me wonder why more women don't have the nickname 'T-bone'.

wv: bleri - Even bleri-eyed these cakes are wrecks. (Except the Carus-icorn. Sweet.)

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJay

My guess is the slug-like piles are supposed to be arms of an octopus that's reaching up from under the ship/cake. The poo dots? Uh, I don't know....maybe ink the octopus squirted out (if it is, in fact, supposed to be an octopus)?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

I don't know, I like the baby Cthulhu!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I like the dragon, although the colors should have been brighter. I like the baby Cthulhu too.

Keep that steak away from me.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

In cake #1's defense, canvasback drakes do have red eyes. The crazed and dazed look, however, is atypical.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCathy in AK

Baby Cthulhu!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLabgoddess

Okay, how come nobody has yet posted a reference to in response to cake #8? Ya gotta be kidding me.

sv: shnog (I dunno--this word seems to have adult-themed connotations)

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBoy George

Cake #7 scares the bejabbers out of me. Too bad, because as baby demons go, it's cute. :-D

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfurpurrson

Oh, look! It's" rel="nofollow">Fenton, Death Sheep from Hell!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpbrim

If we have another baby, the shower cake will be Baby Cthulhu. It's terror-bly cute!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna B.

All of a suddent I wonder how the Princess Bride would go were it Vincent Price narrating the story? (guest starring as "grandson" is baby Cthulu)

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Oh my word, I love it! My six year old daughter just said, "Ew! Ham and poop!" at the last pic. Ha ha ha ha ha!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRU

That's not a uterus, it's a colon. With colon, er, byproducts next to it.


August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

That steak looks like intestines or some other internal organ...I guess it makes sense considering that it's accompanied by poop.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Thank you for the "stick to the diet" incentive that steak cake provided! Yech!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

Awww...the baby cthulhu doesn't belong with those other horrors! He's just darling...

Now that lamb one just creeped the hell outta me o.o

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDani

I thought the dragon was cute. I also liked the duck, except that he could have used with a little smoothing, or something.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDarlene

Seriously, folks? It's supposed to be the KRAKEN climbing up the sides of the POTC cake. (The black bits are supposed to be the suckers). My nephew got a much better version of this cake for his birthday last year.

Hilarious post, btw. Love it! :)

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Something has gone horribly wrong with that bear. Is there some fungus-among-us growing on that?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterExChef

There is something horribly wrong with that bear. Is that some fungus-among-us I see growing on there?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterExChef

It's a miracle that your home doesn't have head-sized holes in the walls everywhere from wanting to bash your heads while reading comments! But loved Gary's comment and John's follow-up. :) The Epcot days must drive you, but can be very entertaining for a *headdesk* kinda way!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Too funny!!!!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterA Nonny Mess

@Nolly and others who wonder why the cute dragon cake is on here: You have to zoom in to see the problems with the dragon cake. When you do you will see where the one ear has a cracked tip and the other has broken off and is lying on top of it's foot. You'll see that almost all of the spikes have broken tips and you'll see the pink spots where the spikes have fallen off completely and have crumbled on the "ground." Look at the ground and you'll see the years of dust and debris caused by leaving that cake in the window for a very l-o-n-g time. I'm sure it was very cute (and more brightly colored) back in the century it was baked. (The scales would have looked a lot better if the baker had stuck with circles and hadn't added the flowers into the mix though.)

@fawm316 - you asked the very question I was thinking about that uterus and poo patty cake. Ooh, that gives a whole new meaning to "Patty Cake, Patty Cake..."

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

EPCOT head-shake...

That dragon would be SO cute if it didn't look kind of dried out and discolored and like it has a disease... ;-)

WV: quakarr: Something about that first cake makes me think it isn't really a quakarr.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I think that last cake is a uterus... with an IUD inside of it... and three piles of poo... Yummy...!

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMags

I'll have the Uterus with IUD and Poo Piles cake, please.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I've always thought John Travolta is a zombie. Oh, sure he's missing an arm and has no face, but why is he wearing a mitten?!?

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRJ Flamingo

Poor dinosaur cake was left to sit in a bakery window too long and became fossilized.

WV: distires
The lamb cake causes me much distires.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie and the Bear

I actually think the watercolor expressionist bear cake would be acceptable in an artsyfartsy way... if it weren't for the Marty Feldman eye.

And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw a baby Dr. Zoidberg. Cthulhu two "h"s) has more tentacles, I think.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdharmapupil

Thanks to Joanie G, I have the new name for my next rock band - "Patriotic Lambs of Death!"

WV: cactockf - the audible reaction I had when seeing the uterus cake.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzarchasmpgmr

OMG, that David Caruso cookie is the greatest thing of all time!!! :D :D :D

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChantelle

American sheep
are holier than thy cake:
Lambkins stigmata

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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