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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Sep102011

Ode to Carrot Jockey

Ode to Carrot Jockey

by Loyal Minion Sharyn

 

Carrot Jockey, is your taxonomic nomenclature

A plastic unclothed biped, on buttercream by nature?

No hair about your eyes to cloud your keen visual senses

Contributes to your skill in finding wrecky cake offenses.

I find myself intrigued by your frosted ambulations,

A singular development of fondant machinations

That illustrates your need to ride on sugary confections

While pointing out a bakery's abuse of its directions.


No clothing is essential for your wreck reporting talents,

A hat, a vest or even pants might throw you off your balance.

And carrots are a necessary part of locomotion

Although for geeky panelists they can cause a commotion.

Carrot Jockey, the wondrous cakey carnage you display

Makes people snort their coffee, and brightens up their day.

A naked bit of plastic I can from a chain suspend

 

To me, you'll always be a veggie-riding friend.

 

A huge "Thak You" to Sharyn for writing the world's best comment poem, and also to Theresa B., Jennifer C., Carmel C., Angela M., Julie K., Noelle, Maggie H., Caroline T., Colleen T., & Martha A. for all the Carrot Jockey homages.

Also, if by some crime you're not familiar with the original poem/rap Sharyn's is based on, watch this:

 

And finally, because it's a FAQ: the jockey necklaces are no longer available for sale because they're a right pain to make. However, if you continue to pester us - say, by leaving demanding comments on this post - I might be able to convince John that we should make one big final batch before the holidays. Maybe. If you beg. And I'm not talking just a few extra exclamation marks here; I'm talking complete loss of dignity, people. Dance! Dance for our amusement! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Or just ask nicely. That might work, too.

(Note from john: *sigh* Fine. But let me explain something: it takes HOURS. Rolling each individual carrot, carving each individual leaf, trying to center the baby so that it balances, baking them, clear coating them, gluing the baby down, gluing the post and hanging it on the chain.  And then, THEN!  If it doesn't balance and it hangs funny, we start over because Jen won't let an imperfect one leave the house.  *harumph*  So, we're going to make 3 for each tour stop as prizes and maybe a hundred more.  If anyone needs me for the next few days, I'll just be over here kneading clay...)

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Reader Comments (155)

I"m Canadian. We're too polite to ask you to do something that is a serious PITA to make. However, if you sell me a kit with the supplies and instructions, I can make my own :)

Sharyn's comments on the comments sections have been great-- and her ode, complete with your fans' cakes, is wonderful! A special CW Saturday treat!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

What Heather said. (Thanks Heather - you are so much more eloquent than I)

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTracy O

Dudes: Need. More. Carrotjockeys.
Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleeeeeeeeese?

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

That was an awesome poem, based on an awesome rap, based on a very amusing episode of TNG.
PLEASE make more carrot jockeys. I would desperately like one for my friend who just had her baby a couple months ago (and one for myself, because I just love them).!1!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

the carrot jockey
naked baby 'round my neck
happy I would be

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAriel

IF YOU MAKE A NECKLACE OF CARROT JOCKEY
TO YOU; I WILL DRINK SAKE.

Oh, and buy you new book for everyone I know for Christmas :)

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeaneMarie

I saw my wreckies, crying hard as they could cry,
What could I do?
My wreckie's love had gone and left my wreckie blue
Nobody knew,

What kind of magic wreck to use
sperm balloons,
and piles of poo,

Then baby said,
Dance wreckie dance,
(dance wreckie, dance)
Dance, wreckie dance
(dance wreckie, dance)
Put that Jockey spell on me
Jump, wreckie jump
(jump wreckie , jump)
Jump, wreckie jump
(jump, wreckie jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Make some necklaces, please for me!!!

I don't dance but if I had a carrot jockey necklace I could make the carrot jockey dance :D

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

*Chicken Dance* *Robot* *Charleston* * Whiskey Wiggle* *YMCA* *Waltz*

I'm dancing!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Dear Jen and John,
Has anyone told you lately that you are amazing and talented people who are so very loved by all your followers. And all those followers ask for are some wonderful and lovely Carrot Jockey necklaces for the holidays. We know you can manage it because you are both such wonderful and amazing and talented people.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRystall

BRILLIANT, nothing less!

think i may need to be a carrot baby for halloween!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercin

Would you please make another batch of carrot jockey necklaces? Pretty, pretty please with sprinkles on top!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKayla F

Please, please, please make more. I need one to go with the "Hotdog Riding Pooh Wave" apron. Please?

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

AWESOME! Absolutely awesome!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCake Seduction

Well you have created serious demand! Is this a marketing ploy to sell more necklaces? Lol. Now I NEED one!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Please!!! Please!!!! I'm begging. I'm pleading. I'm crying. I want a carrot jockey necklace! I want one!!! I'll stomp my feet and hold my breath!! I will! I'm not just making threats! I mean it! please..... *whimper*

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIngrid

ive named 2 female cats spot.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p elephant

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make more necklaces!

I'll be your helper monkey that dances when you say dance ("eep! eep!" I say as I dance in circles in my dorm and freak out my roommate).

Or if the necklaces are too much to make, you can just put real-life jockey on a shirt or something (assuming her parents are fine with that). :-P

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpurplewowies

Please please please pretty pretty please! (I hate alliteration, but it was necessary!) I have been wanting a carrot jockey necklace! Actually, I want like 10 of them. I need necklaces and keychains and some to hang from my rear view mirror in my car and my truck and my husband's trucks! So PLEEEEEAAASE make more. I will buy them!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSqueegeeash

what is the worlds absession with these STUPID carrot babies. they just look stupid!!!!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrgy

I forgt to lose all my dignity:
*Rolls around like a five year old*
I WANT IT NOOOOOOOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! GIMME! GIMME GIMME GIMME! AAAGGGGHHHH! WWWWWAAAAAHHHHH! NOW!
MOMMY! THE MEAN LADY WITH THE CAKES WON'T MAKE MORE NECKLACES! (I told on yoooouuuuu. You're in TROUUUUUUBBBBLLLEEE!)
*end tantrum*
*dusts self off*
Very well then, carry on...

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSqueegeeash

Begging. Pretty please with a baby riding carrot on top? This site keeps me sane on days when my life has gone upside down. I'd love to rock one of Cake Wreck " army" babies. Lol : )

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBellaSC

"You too can own your very own one-carrot necklace!"

The angle of the carrot plus the baby's pose reminds me of the title sequence to Dr. Strangelove.

Manufacture could be licensed to bakeries. Of course, even with 50 pages of instructions ("do not use frosting to glue pieces together"), there is no way to predict what the result would be. On the other hand, 'no two alike!' could be a selling point.

Most wreckerators would probably interpret the kit as a deco pack, which is really rather self-referential if you stop and think about it. A cake wreck about a Cake Wrecks reference to a wrecky cake.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

More carrot necklaces! I do not comment on Blogs. Ever. But this is too important a matter to stand idly by while people everywhere are without carrot jockey necklaces. Consider this my one act of activism, and PLEASE, for all that is good in this world, make some more carrot jockey necklaces.

My daughter's 4th birthday is coming up. I have forgone all party planning to instead concentrate on cake wreck design.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenscoville

Hey, guys... I love you.
*eyeing carrot jockey necklace* I like those!

Please oh please oh please oh please make sum moar necklaces. Beecaws your awsum like that. :D

Now I will do the Elaine dance, and I won't stop until there are necklaces.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermichelle

Vicky--"What is the baby riding a carrot about? I am confused! But every time I see them on Cake wrecks I laugh so much - it almost makes me cry! Is this a symbol for something that is just used in USA. I live in Wales, UK."

No, fortunately it's not a symbol for anything, if you go to the classics posts on the right sidebar, the Naked Mohawk-Baby Carrot Jockeys is the cake that started it all.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterde Pizan

I'm doing a humiliating dance for your amusement event though I KNOW you can't see me, which makes it twice as humiliating.
And now my husband is amused, which makes it ten times more humiliating.
I've lost all dignity and all I have left is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you can just make one necklace and raffle it off!
Maybe you can put a tiny carrot, a tiny baby and a chain in a fancy package and sell it as a craft kit!!
Or maybe you can just make some more necklaces and make us all happy!!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh please, oh please, oh please please please make some more carrot jockey necklaces! I would totally make it worth your while!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarebabe

I'm just wondering, did "Cheryl" sign her name on the cake, like a piece of artwork, or was that supposed to be the birthday girl? You never know these days!

Please make more necklaces or I may have to jump from the Cliffs of Insanity!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P

When you come to Hartford (ie Blue Back in West Hartford) I can tell you where there are good places to eat in the neighborhood, and bring you a present from CT and and uh....um....I will by your book....and erm....we can talk Disney! How's that?

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim

No lie, I was watching this episode as I checked out CW today. Data was mid-ode as I read the 1st lines of this Ode....

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrebekcat

Off topic: Sharyn rocks- we knew that but she has just reached AWESOME X infinity. I’m officially giving up trying to be clever X eternity.

Further off topic: (in a place we never needed to know existed) # 8 looks like a hot tub. o.O Rule 34 has been authenticated. UGH

SQUEE- Stephanie’s post—O.M.G. (swoon)

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

We now return to the topic: I’d utterly, truly adore a carrot jockey necklace of my very own but I feel unworthy with the previous kidnap threat I made the other day…hindsight really stinks. So I’ll just print out a photo and insert it into a locket so my salty, salty tears don’t destroy the precious image.

Oh, what the heck- (groveling on both arthritic knees) even if you can’t find it in your magnanimous, tender hearts to forgive this pathetic, pushy and demanding broad, maybe you could consider it a punishment and insist I have to wear it everyday to remind me of what a witch I’ve been- the CakeWrecks versions of a scarlet A? Imaging how many times I’d have to explain it - how frequently it would be inappropriate – the social stigma it would cause amongst the unwashed heathen who don’t read…oh, wait, that’s a plus. Right, well, it would be okay if you printed the instructions, too, so we could do it ourselves...but a J & J(thoJ) made version would be what all the cool kids would be wearing (aka Mr. Spiner).

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

S'IL VOUS PLAIT, ON VEUT DES COLLIERS 'CARROT JOCKEY'

PLEASE, WE WANT CARROT JOCKEY NECKLACES.

Carrot Jockey does not translate well into French.

MOAR MOAR MOAR

Love, a Montrealer.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

PLEASE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!! I WANT TO SEND ONE TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND NEED ONE FOR ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

yes please carrot jockey babies please please

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkristin

Hey! Nobody makes me beg! (except Gerry Butler in his Leonidas loincloth)

Besides, they don't look so hard to make. You probably can't even make them anymore, can you!
No, you can't make them anymore. It's TOO HARD. WAAA-WAAA-WAAA! (What a coupla whiney hineys)


(reverse psychology, fellow wreckies...)

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Um, I NEED one of those carrot jockey necklaces. Not want. Not "would like to have". Not even "it is a bit necessary". NEED PEOPLE. NEED CARROT JOCKEY TO HANG FROM MY NECK AND SCARE PEOPLE.

*ahem*

What was the question?

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie R

Please, please, please can you make more carrot jockey necklaces? It would look great with my Next Gen insignia pin!

And under neat that

I want sprinkles!!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Please make more carrot jockey necklaces. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please please, please, please please, please, please, please, please, please please, please, please please, please, please, please, please, please please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

You can't see it but I'm actually flogging myself right now to the beat of Data rapping. Every time the whip hits me I scream, CARROT JOCKEY!

I had forgotten that episode though I feel I understand it on a much deeper level as an adult, than as the child that watched it after bedtime. The community of nerds knows what I mean.

CARROT JOCKEY! Aieeeee!

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlili

Heather's comment was AMAZING by the way! and please please make more necklaces?
i would love to order one for myself and possibly some more for stocking stuffers?? please? please please? with a plastic baby on top? please?
kthnx.

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLiv

How much do you charge for the necklaces? maybe make them expensive enough to be worth the time it takes to make them. Like $30 each.

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAudrry

I would like 2 carrot jockey necklaces please!!!!! Please? Please.

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAsh

Dancing, Dancing, DANCING, DANCING, DANCING, DANCING, Dancing, Dancing, Dancing, LEAP, LEAP-TWIRL, LEAP, Dancing, Dancing, Dancing, TUMBLE-ROLL, LEAP!!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE beg beg beg beg beg PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I wanna carrot jockey necklace so badly!!!!!!!!

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLis

Ok, the comments are starting to get a tad concerning. He said, several hours later.

#8 does look like a hot tub. Or some sort of group discussion. Or a synchronized swimming practice session, only with babies and carrots. Oy. This baby-on-carrot thing could get completely out of hand.

It does make one think, however, that Cake Wrecks Gear could be quite the sideline. J&J(thoJ), you could farm production out to the loyal minions. In no time at all, you could be sitting atop a vast empire. And to think it all started with someone who had a fondness for carrot cake and a surplus of little plastic babies that may or may not be found in king cakes...

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Why just necklaces? Why not run a competition for people to send in designs for pin badges, embroidered patches, t-shirts, anything that can hold a two dimensional image? Just a thought. Smashing poem by the way.

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuddingbat

OMG those are the funniest things i've ever seen XD

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I introduced my 17-year-old sister to Cake Wrecks a few months ago, and she spent the next several days reading every single post! I would love to be able to get her and a carrot jockey necklace for Christmas and, come to think of it, one for my wife, as well.

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlex T. Valencic

Without carrot jockey necklaces how could there even be a Christmas????? PLEASE fulfill the wishlist of every member of my family AND all my friends, neighbors, co-workers, the mailman. garbage man, grocery clerk, doctors, dentist....!!!! Well I may have slightly exaggerated but I really want one:)

September 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLori

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