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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Sep132011

Less Generic, More Insulting

Let's look on the bright side, shall we?

 

At least they didn't address it to the dog.

 

Thanks to Anony M. for making me feel like a female.

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Reader Comments (83)

My 9th grade English teacher claimed to have 2 students (twins) who were named
Leh-mahn-jeh-loh and Or-ahn-jeh-loh. Spelled Lemonjello and Orangejello. Don't know if it's true our not, but if it is, I have to wonder what those parents were thinking....yikes!

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

My mother decided that we were we all going to be boys so she never picked a girls name until she was proven wrong 3xs. I was the first and I was named after the weather -Misty Dawn. My next sis was named my our father he wanted to hear some guy say "I have a date with my Destini." The youngest sis is lucky that my father didn't win. He was going to give her my grandmothers maiden last name Leir her full name would have been "Crystal Shanda Leir" yeaaa.. But mom wanted to name her after her favorite star treck character Yatasha but thought it would be too out there so she is Natasha..

I have no way to count how many time it's been pointed out that we have "stripper" names, 'specially when you add my aunt Candi

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMisty Dawn

Oh, if THAT'S how we're going to play, I can go you all one better (or worse, now that I think about it...) I grew up in a place I always called "where the hippies went to die." But before they did that, they had kids. I went to school with Crow Boy. He'd whup you if you called him anything but "C.B." I always felt sorry for Tail, though. Whadya do with THAT? There were lots more, but the one that really stood out was Sunshine-On-Dewdrops-Makes-Rainbows. She usually went by "Sunny", but can you imagine her legal documents? "Ma'am, is this a joke?"

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

We're trying to name baby boy #3 and one of my BFFs sent me a list of WTF names, such as Lemonjello (la-MAHN-jel-lo), Orangejello (o-RAHN-jel-lo), Myporsche, Mylexus, etc. People, always do the "what would this child's name look like on a business card" test. It will save your child much heartache.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna B

I used to get lists of bad names from a teacher friend -- my favorite is still Roy Rogers Trotter (Lastname).

And let us not forget this poor kid, made famous by the internet:
http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

(For those of you who can't see the link, this child's name is Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K... he'll be eight by now)

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCapt_Video

Ok, I have to jump in again. As long as everyone is sharing weird names I might as well add some to the mix.

I went to school with a girl named Honey Graham. She has a younger sister named Clover.

About 9 or 10 years ago a local couple with the last name of Peel named their son Orange (pronounced orange) Frederick. I wish I was kidding :/

Around the same time, I was working as a teacher aide and we had a little girl come into the school with a really unique name.... Unique.

And of course there's the story one of my teachers once told me that just HAS to be an urban legend, about a woman who saw the word "urine" and thought it would make a good name for her new baby girl - pronounced "You-reen", of course.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterA different Jen Y

I first read this as "Finale" and thought that it was a rather cruel way to address a sick child's last birthday cake. Then the reality kicked in.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBerk

@ Jimma: a few years ago I did a translation from Russian where that was indeed someone's first name. The v-word. I'm not repeating it. In defense of the parents, in Russian it wd have been pronounced Vah-gee-na. (the "g" is as in "get," not "giant.")

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

I remember watching an episode of Oprah from years back. She had a bunch of people in the audience who had "different" names. I will never forget a set of twin women stood up and told their names... Virgin and Vagina. I just have to say "What is wrong with people???"

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

At least the poor girl in the cake has a VERY cute dog to make her feel better. Golden retrievers don't mock, and love you regardless of your name.

Clearly, some of the people in the anecdotes above are illiterate, have poor judgment, and perhaps intelligence challenges. AND lack the imagination to picture their offspring doing better than they haveā€¦ so needing a presentable name to apply for a job.

At least for many of the names listed here, particularly the hippy names, the child can be known by initials ("CB") or a nickname derived from the real name ("Rina" would work for Urine if its a girl, or Uri for a boy-- a real name, albeit Hebrew so not common here), or only part of their given name ("Dawn", if the charming name Misty Dawn wouldn't suit the profession). That works for most of the cases with poor judgment, planning difficulties (not agreeing on a name in time, hoping for one gender and getting the other), being too-cute-for-the-child's good and some language/cultural issues.

I know some jurisdictions ban really questionable names, but I'm wondering-- how bad does the proposed name have to be for social services to intervene? (E.g that "s---head" example) If you think about everything that would go into deliberately inflicting some of these names on a child, then you really have to wonder about the home environment that child will be in.

PS yes, here to in North America, Febreeze is a horribly chemically air-tainter marketed as an air freshener. (I"m allergic to most perfumes, and that product is particularly bad).

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

And sometimes, the name your parents give you isn't your name at all! When my dad applied for a copy of his birth certificate as a bridegroom, he discovered much to his surprise that his name was "Cecil Cyril [Lastname]". He'd always used the name his folks gave him, "Merle Norman [Lastname]"... turned out that the folks hadn't decided on a name for him at birth, and the ol' country doctor had no intention of truckin' all the way back out to the farm to find out what to put on the birth certificate. His system was to name such babies alphabetically - first kid of the year with no ready name applied was "A.... A....", second one was "B.... B....."; Dad was the third one that year. Trick was, the dr. never mentioned his little system to anyone. Who knows how many babies out there had two sets of names? Dad had to jump through all kinds of legal hoops to prove his "real" name.

And then there was our Pennsy Dutch cousin, who named her last child "Alles"... Alles was #9, and when they asked the new mom what the baby boy's name was, she replied (in German) - "Das ist Alles! (That is all!)" And he was. Went by Al, mostly.

My Mom went to school with the Hogg twins -- Ima and Youra.

Parents should use the 'imagine your child on the grade school playground' test. In other words, if you don't want him -- or her -- becoming a ninja mercenary, give the child a 'normal' name.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I used to work in an office where I'd see a lot of names... my favorites were: Precious Flowers and Ray C. Hooker.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

There's some guy in Singapore or something with the name Batman Supaman (lastname). :-)

The worst name I've ever heard was from my Photography teacher. She used to take pictures in JC Penney, and a couple walked in calling their child Piglet. She smiled and asked if it was a cute nickname. Nope, birth name. The parents just really liked Winnie the Pooh.

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpurplewowies

No lie... My husband is a social worker and he had a lady whose child was named 'female' (she pronounced it fe-mall-ey) . she thought the hospital named her baby for her because it said baby female on the forms. so this really could be the child's name. Just saying..

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLK

@Merrie said: I once went to a urologist whose name was Dr. Chopp. His first name was Richard, but he went by Dick. Dr. Dick Chopp, who specialized in vasectomies. I wish I was making this up.

I can verify that she is not making it up. Dr. Dick Chopp is in Austin, TX, and two of my friends had their vasectomies via Dr. Chopp, as did the husbands of quite a few of my acquaintances.

Back in the 60s and 70s I went to school with quite a few unfortunately or oddly named kids, including Latrina (pronounced La-tree-na), Princess, Queen, and even a Magic, who's last name was Johnson (who was not named after the famous Magic Johnson because my Magic is older than the famous one.)

My mother taught a Vietnamese immigrant girl whose name was Phuk (think that's how it was spelled)...she convinced the parents to give her a new name as the way her name was pronounced sounded obscene to the American ear.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatiKat

As long as we're talking about strange names: my dad once did some work for a woman named Lotta Plate. He asked her if her schoolmates used to tease her about her name. Ms. Plate proceeded to tell him about her best friend from elementary school: a girl named Bitsy Crabbys**ts.

I had my wisdom teeth removed by Dr. Dirk Payne-- "Dirk" meaning "to stab," "Payne" meaning "are you positive you want to be an orthodontist?" But he was really good.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Mmmaybe this is a Ferengi cake and they didn't know how to spell Moogie so they just put Female. Yeeeah I'm sure that's it.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCj

My mom works in the public school system and administered to two brothers who were named after Jello. That's right. The older one was Lemonjello (pronounced Leh-MON-gelo) and the younger brother was Orangejello (Oran-gel-o).

I also went to high school with a girl named Princess.

I nearly choked on my tea while looking at the photo. How awful. Although I'm sure the parents think they're being awfully creative.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterswimmybean

Adding to the unusual but true name list - Cupcake. I work at an elementary school and the girl's name is legally Cup-cake (I have seen the birth certificate myself; no explanation for the hypen) The little girl goes by her middle name. We also had a girl named Future.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

When I was in 2nd grade many years back, we had some boys in our class that I believe were from Laos. I am not sure how their names were spelled now, but I can remember how they were pronounced... Pee-up and Poo-pit. I know some kids made fun of them, those things are funny to 7 & 8-year olds.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

We had the story back in the 60's of a woman who named her two twins: Orangejello and Lemonjello, pronounced Or ANJ ello and Le MONJ ello. I totally believe it! People are nuts!

September 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

I'm imagining this cake being served by, like, a Cyberman. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FEMALE HUMAN."

September 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShadow

Worst names Ive heard:
Placenta
Today and Tomorrow (twins)
Ima Hogg, a philanthropist in Texas named by her father, probably as a joke

October 5, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterali

I had the unfortunate luck of being saddled with 'Zarf.' It's apparently a kind of coffee cup holder. My mother was very interested in languages, unfortunately. I have step-brothers Xebec, Nef, and Oliver. (There were complications at Oliver's birth; thankfully my step-father got to name him. The rest of us were quite put out by that.)

October 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZarf

I had a history teacher in high school named Phillip Mirise (Pronounced "My-rise"). "Phil MyRise" got a lot of jokes behind his back. lol

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Oh, lor. That's... rather terrible. o.O

On the topic of creative names, though I do know a little girl called Beautiful. I can imagine all the guys when she gets older...
One of my best friends and her little brother both have quite odd names, though I must admit they're pretty awesome ones--Arwen and Peregrin ^^

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLii

First, one that may or may not be an urban legend - it's certainly become famous amongst some friends of mine. My BFF claims she knows someone who saw this - a woman with twins named them after her favorite foods - lemonjello and orangejello (pronounced LeMONjello and OrANGEjello).

My personal favorite, which I saw while typing obits for a small-town newspaper, was named Thirty - he had been preceded in death by 29 siblings. I kid you not.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

I submitted the picture. My husband actually went there to give them the picture & said we just wanted "happy birthday" on the cake so whoever did this added Female for some unknown reason. I can assure you our daughter isn't named "Female"

November 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristie

My mother works in a NICU. She once met a non-native English speaker who gave birth at the hospital where she works who thought that the hospital had named her child, since the bracelet around the baby girl's wrist said "Female" (pronounced "Fe-MA-le") and it actually became the child's legal name. Hopefully they changed it later...

December 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStartledoctopus

My mom works in a program for low income families and infants with delays. She's seen the ones that have already been posted, plus; Shi'ton pronounced "She ton", Highness, Taffeta, Rosette, Chill, and Diamond... Some people are just plain strange!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I know a girl named Hawlee (Holly). Also, my best friend named Joyleena , and her sister is Sareena. My mob knew 3 kids whose last name was Mint: Winter, Pepper, and Spearo.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterboringname

I had a childhood friend with a cousin who had an unfortunate name. Apparently the little girl's mother had to undergo an emergency c-section and was asked for the baby's name while still groggy from the anesthesia. She named her daughter after the first thing that caught her eye in the room.

Yes, I have actually met little Pepto (Pippy, as a nickname. It was the 80s.)

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSquigs

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