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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov012012

And Who Are YOU Supposed To Be?

Last night those of us who celebrate Halloween had the pleasure of being mugged repeatedly by little hellions armed with the threat of trickery and plastic candy buckets.

I kid, of course. At least two of the kids who came to our door had full-size trash bags instead of candy buckets. They literally could have thrown themselves away. They also weren't with any adults and didn't appear to be wearing costumes, but I'm sure that just meant they were dressed as the always popular "ungrateful child with entitlement complex."

I kid, of course. I love children. To be far away from me. And quiet. Quiet children who are far away from me are awesome. However, I'll also settle for kids wearing charming homemade costumes which make me feel all nostalgic and superior, because I can TOTALLY paint my face better than that. Just sayin', Spider-Man.

 

Halloween costumes are a lot like these wrecks: you may not always know what they're supposed to be, but you can still appreciate the effort that went into them.

Or lack thereof.

Actually, that cake is exactly like the store-bought costumes we grew up wearing in the 80s: SOLID PLASTIC. All it's missing is a giant "BUGS BUNNY" plastered across the chest.

But with today's costumes - as with these wrecks - sometimes a little educated guessing is in order:

Is it mostly blue? 

Then you've got three choices: Smurf, Cookie Monster, or someone from Avatar.

Or possibly the ghost of Cookie Monster (note the translucent hand) wearing a Smurf's hat and wailing about a tree.

(Please note: I've never seen Avatar, but I know there's something about a tree in it. John HAS seen Avatar, and now thinks I'm a horrible, horrible person.)


If excessive sideburns are involved, then it's probably Wolverine:

Unless there's no cigar. Then it's Dora the Explorer.

 

 If it looks like a cross between Heathcliff the cat and a pile of crap, then, uh...

 I'm sorry, I was distracted by the sheer towering pile of crappiness here. I think I can almost see it wobbling -  but maybe that's the post-Halloween sugar high talking. (FACT: you can never have too many "fun-sized" Almond Joys. THEY JUST GET MORE "FUN.")


And finally, if it's wearing the stricken expression of someone who will give you all the candy you want if you please just don't hurt him...

...then you're probably looking in a mirror. So go have some fun-size Snickers and put your feet up, my friend, because you've earned it.


Thanks to James W., Rachel T., Nadine A., Alison T., Kathryn S., Becky C., for sending me all their fun-sized Almond Joys. And Twix. And Reese's Cups. Aw, you guys are the best.

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Reader Comments (57)

I, too, like children, far away, and quiet! Each year I get more despondent about giving out candy, but my policy is generally adorable little children get to pick two, I give two to older ones dressed up, and 'ungrateful children or adults with an entitlement complex' MUST say Trick-or-Treat with a smile and THANK YOU before they get one piece of candy. Usually the crappy candy I don't like. And if they just stare at me like I'm crazy, I stare right back until they say it. At least I get some satisfaction out of being the one with power, briefly!

November 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessieH

Thank you,Julimarie!
(btw,I liked the 'Death Bus' as well.) 8)

November 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Oh.my.gosh. I'm giggling like a fool. :-) Of COURSE... the blue collar means it's Scooby! But Crappy Doo and Scooby Poo made me laugh out loud. And the Torture Me Elmo remark was perfect! LOL "I don't know... but it had arms because it reached for me!" LOLOL Oh my goodness... time to go home and enjoy the weekend. Everyone else do the same, okay?

November 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

SuBee,

Heartfelt prayers are with you from everyone @ CakeWrecks, I'm sure. Keep us all posted. Hope they get things up and running for everyone up there faster than they did in New Orleans after Katrina or here in Houston after Ike. I had neighbors that waited 2 weeks to get power & they were just across the street from me! If your house is in good shape & the police can patrol your area, just go on vacation 'til it's all over. That's what we did & it was *wonderful*! (And accidental - we'd booked the trip in advance & got lucky that Ike came just before & not just after! Maybe the Lord was helping us out?)

PS These cakes are Fugly! I hope the kids were too young to be aware that they should be disappointed. My daughter's a big Scooby-Doo fan & she would have had a BIG meltdown if that was her cake!

November 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@tiffany and morag, I grew up in New Jersey, but inherited the idea from a cousin in Philly. Living in an economically diverse neighborhood, I don't want to deny any kid candy because they don't have a costume, but I also get teenagers that are plain lazy, so the joke/song thing weeds them out. It's interesting to hear that others have similar traditions!

November 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbrenda

My four year old just identified these as:
Batman
a squirrel
Cookie Monster
I don't know who that is
The Big Bad Wolf
Elmo

You know it's bad when a four year old girl gives up on the Dora cake...

November 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

i showed these treats to my 8 year old, he named every one. i asked him if he would cry if i got him a cake like this for his birthday, he said 'no. they might look like yuck, but i bet they taste good!'

May 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteroliviasmom

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