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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


Sometimes when I'm bemoaning the fact that most cakes today are just plastic flotsam delivery vehicles...


Here's your cake, enjoy! Just don't try to eat that thing. Or that one. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. 

...Or that.


...I remember there's a REASON bakers rely so heavily on flotsam and toys:

Nemo? More like Ne-NO, am I right? 



I... I think this is supposed to be Spider-Man:

Hold me.


Now, see, this would have been perfect if the customer had actually ASKED for a zombie-fied Spongebob:

As it is, I'm pretty sure little Levi needs therapy now.


This Darth Vader cookie is so ridiculously pathetic that I actually kind of love it:

  (At least, I hope it's Vader. If not, then I'm never getting those thirty seconds of squinting back. Never EVER, you guys.)

Seriously, it's so bad I want to hug it. 

And I like how the baker just gave up on the other cookie cakes, like she was all, "YOU GET VADER OR YOU GET NOTHING."


And finally, let's end with a little mystery:



Please, you guys, I have to know.

It says "Where Kermet," so of course my first thought was Kermit the Frog. But it's blonde and has four eyes with a giant red clown nose. Or is the red thing its mouth? And why "Where Kermet?" Where Kermet what? Where he stores his wigs? Where he met his untimely demise? 

I went back to Holly J.'s original e-mail, seeking answers, and was delighted to find she'd included a few more angles of the mystery:


Well, THAT clears things ups, doesn't it? 0.o

 Hang on. Holly says she thinks this is... MISS PIGGY!? Really? I mean, I guess she must be right, but... How. HOW. How is this possible?

I will not rest until I have answers!

Or until I get tired. Or John gets back with our burritos.



Thanks to Sabrina, Kristen O., Sean K., Patrice D., Tori S., & Holly J. for pointing out today's character flaws. We know it's only because you care, guys.

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Reader Comments (109)

I think there was originally a Kermit (Kermet?) face on top of the cake, but it was so bad it had to be covered up. Could it really have been worse than the Miss Piggy, though? So maybe the baker had frosting to get rid of... two birds with one stone, you get where/when Kermet.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Miss Piggy, Kermit is traumatized by your really bad face lift. He has run away to never-ever return.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenK

I think the Vader one is actually a Darth Piggie one? He looks more like an angry bird character than a lucasfilms one. But I could be wrong.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJester Queen

I agree with Eileen in an earlier comment - SpiderZoidberg! It's the first thing that came to my mind

Love your commentary Jen - you are great!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDawnN

This is what happens when a frog and a pig mate! I'd run away too, if I was Kermit!!!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

Well, my 8 year old recognized Vader without reading it... So it's not all bad.....

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I think the last cake is pretty simple. The red "nose" is a bow in her hair. The black "eyes" are sunglasses. The other eyes are eyes, Her face is looking up from the top of the cake. That doesn't explain why her eyes have hair underneath them.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda J

Definitely Miss Piggy - possibly two creators - one started, the other numpty finished? The snout was so big that they couldn't balance it right with the body or get the other facial features onto the bit left for the face so they pretended the snout was the whole head - pity they'd already blacked-in the nostrils...

I teach me on this, snouts cause issues!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

Are those TMNT cupcakes next to Vader or just Oscar the Grouch?

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetsy A

The bottom tier on the Where Kermet cake is green, which makes it look like Miss Piggy squished Kermit

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMC

Transvestite duck in red lipstick?

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

The mask on Spidey just emphasizes that he has a fivehead.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

My interpretation of the last cake is a Miss Piggy as well. The bottom of the cake (aka big green blob) is "Kermet" being smooshed by the above referenced Piggy. I might add that Piggy seems to resemble the offspring between Slimer (think Ghostbusters) and a MRS Piggy related to Mimi (think Drew Carey Show).

As for Darth Vader, I'm totally convinced its actually Dark Helmet from Spaceballs lol ...see reference:

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

@mel ~ Glad you're feeling a little better!

Jen, are you really sure that's Darth Vader??? I've been squinting and twisting my head around trying to figure it out (not at all weird all of course) and now... I gave myself a headache. o.O
I don't even know what that Where Kermet thing is. You people keep saying it's Miss Piggy but no matter how many times I spin around in my office chair (again, totally professional) and make my eyes go all weird I still can't see it.

Can john bring me a burrito too?

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Are those Oscar the Grouches or Ninja Turtles?

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken


We actually HAVE a Plastic Flotsam Vehicle here. I'd be happy to send pictures if Jen is interested. It could easily be used to deliver PFV cakes.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzzzzz78759

The cookie is not Darth Vader but the Bumheaded alien which plays in the Star Wars cantina band. And that is not Sponge Bob but Swiss Cheese Bob. And it's Walking Fish Nemo.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

IT'S HONEY BOO BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMooseluver

Could be worse - I first read that Piggy cake as "Warm Kermet".

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkit

I'm just thinking that if the guy suing Wal-Mart over the trauma caused by the knife in the cake had gotten any of these cakes instead he might have had a case. At least the knife was useful.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

It's Mrs. Piggy with runny mascara that was them blotted into circles when she tried to clean it with a hanky. She's crying because they made her tail end look like a pile of pink piggy poo....and a naked pile of piggy poo at that!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGale

The best (or worst) part of the Miss Piggy cake was that her "nose" was a Campfire Marshmallow with black airbrushed on it. They didn't even bother with coloring it pink, it was just a pink icing blob, and a white "nose" with yellow stringy hair. I thought it was perfect for CakeWrecks, even without the misspelling of Kermit's name!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHollyJ

Nobody else thinks maybe it's lady gaga? Sunglasses with flayed muppet draped over head? Maybe it was supposed to be "wear kermit"? I mean, she DID actually wear a dress made of Kermit.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPatric MacLiam

Actually, guys, it's Miss Piggy after a really bad face lift -- all they did was grab her by the back end and PULL really hard.

@mel: glad you're feeling better

@zzzzz78759: Another dream shattered...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

SpongeBob SkinDisease

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

@mel-I admire you all the more because, though you had easy access to neither flotsam nor jetsam, you managed to grow up with a sophisticated appreciation for both. As always, I tip my hat to you. Well, I would tip my hat if my arthuritis weren’t acting up right about now.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I think the "Darth Vader" cake is mooning me :S

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNight Owl

With that last cake I just keep hearing this:

"Where Kermet?"
"There Kermet. There castle."

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Sorry I was late.

#1 W1: "Has anyone seen the mixing bowl?" W2: "There are only two of us here. Anyway, I left it over there, next to the paring knife." W1: "Oh, no..." W2: [Sigh] "I'll call our lawyer."

#2 I'm trying to figure out what is going on in the lower right corner. Maybe someone wrote the explanation on a scrap of paper. All I see is an orange dog, surrounded by black worms.

#3 It could possibly be that this is upside down. Just a possibility, mind. [Ear scratch] On the other hand, it is a CCC (patooie!), so I'm not sure the orientation really matters.

#4 Sevi, meet Kitchen SpongeBob. He's working through some 'issues' at present.

#5 This, of course, is Darth Gossamer. From the Bugs Bunny remake of Star Wars.

#6 Poor Miss Piggy just got a look in the mirror, and her eyes jumped out of their sockets. I don't know what to do with "Where Kermet".

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

If you draw a line from the top of Vader's mouth hole to the dimple in his head, it becomes a thong cookie, complete with butt dimples. Baby got back, yo.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

I think it says "when", not where. She's still waiting for him to marry her I guess. I don't really keep up with the muppets. Perhaps they're already married???

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

You're never going to forget I said that, are you Craig ;-)

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Oh man when I saw poor Miss Piggy I think Kermit is probably happy to have run away from her. Either she needs some major plastic surgery or she is now the bride of Mr. Bill lol.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

First thing I thought when I saw Spider-Man was "Darth Spider-Man". Something's Vaderish about him.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterB

The Spongebob one was so funny, I saved it. I don't often do that.

Miss Piggy, wtf.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSpooky

Zombie Spongebob wants to eat your BRAIN, because it stops the paaaaaaain! THE PAIN! THE PAIN OF BEING DEAD! HE CAN FEEL HIMSELF *ROT*!


March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

Sharyn, is the license plate of your Plastic Flotsam Delivery Vehicle going be "CAKE"?

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnete

I believe it says "Whem Kermet" THAT clears up the mystery, doesn't it!

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Long time lurker here, first time poster. I was so distracted by what looks like the love child of Oscar the Grouch and a TMNT that it took me a moment to see the faux Vader cookie.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterspidersister

Are those Teenage Mutant Ninja Oscar the Grouch cupcakes with the sad Vader cookie??

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRachel H.

I loved that show.

Miss Piggy isn't saying "Where Kermit?" She was always wandering around saying "Where's Kermee?" In this love sick baby piglet voice.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMorgne

Thanks, Gary. I believe the spiderman cake would be easier to figure out if the picture was put right-side-up or upside-down. It would, though, still be a wreck.

March 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSimon

I'm glad to see at least one other person caught that it's Dark Helmet vs. Darth Vader, too. Way to go, Brandi!)

It's a toss up as to which made me laugh harder:
Shirley Fowley's "were Kermit" or TLC's Spring Break Cemetary
you two rock!!

mel, glad you're feeling better! thanks for rallying with that hysterical post the other day.

Craig, I giggle/snorted over #1 and roared with laughter at Darth Gossamer! Someone needs to draw that- stat!!

March 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

It's Miss Piggy, may e with mascara running, or bags under her eyes. Or maybe the black circles were supposed to be where her eyes went, but the second half of a decorating team didn't know and just made their best guess.

March 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGreenwick

I'm pretty sure that the big blobs are Miss Piggy's nostrils, and her eyes are the tiny dots on top. The unholy red blob can only be lips, I guess?

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDinessa

It's miss piggy looking for her Kermit...double fail (well, at least double) as it should be where's Kermit...those big black dots are nostrils, not eyes, and those lips, hmmm no explanation for those

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

it's been bothering me for days now,but i finally figured out what that "Darth Vader" cake reminds me of. it reminds me of the "Dark Laser" character (which, granted, is a spoof of Darth Vader) from the Fairly Oddparents.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I showed my boyfriend these and he said the Spiderman one looked like it was shaped like an alligator. I never would've noticed, but once he pointed it really kinda does. So we're going with an alligator dressed up as Spiderman for Halloween.

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAurora

in the pathetic vader, there is also Oscar the grouch/ninja turtle hybrids...

March 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersqurl

I feel like "Pathetic Vader" needs to become a meme. Stat.

And that Miss Piggy...with the empty, blacked-out "eye sockets" and eyes attached to the top of her head...can't sleep, Muppet ghoul will get me...

March 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCelidah

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