My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Help Me, Princess Bride; You're My Only Hope

There are times when I get wrecks SO baffling that even I don't know what they're supposed to be.

During these times, I turn to The Princess Bride for help.


"Do you hear that? Those are the shrieking eels."

"That is the sound of ultimate suffering. The man in black makes it now."

(He's just over there, screaming at the mixer.)


"The chocolate coating helps it go down easier."

(We hope.)

 "I've just sucked one year of your life away."


"It's the PIT of DESPAAAAIR."


"I'm not saying I'd build a summer home here, but the trees are really quite lovely." 


And, of course:

"You ARE the Brute Squad!"


Thanks to Jackie K., Victoria E., Hopkin, Amy J., Lena C., Stephanie, and Amy B. for the inconceivably good time.

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Reader Comments (128)

OH MY GAAH ANDREA THE BARE NECESSITIES REFERENCE! I am *literally* commenting JUST for that--talk about an EARWORM! Dear Heavens! Anyway, those are CLEARLY vampire bats dripping blood from their fangs on Andrea's cake, but that's the only one I could decipher... Incidentally, as the the "hen's pasta" first cake, "penne" in Italian--yes as in the pasta--is actually the word for the male member as well. The More You Know(tm) <*whoosh*> * <-- Star

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAquila

I love that you can insert TPB anywhere and it totally fits! The last cake is supposed to be a Marshawn Lynch cake. He's #24 for the Seattle Seahawks and his gimmick is that Skittles are his favorite. I believe people even throw them whenever he makes a touchdown (hence the phrase "Feed the beast" on the cake).

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Even at my best, I could not eat so many...


A horse is a horse, of course, of course
But no-one can see it's a horse, of course
A one-legged cup-cake cakey horse
Done up in poop-swirl brown!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStarknight

I looked at that first cake from every angle possible, and I still can't figure it out.

And on a side note, I think I need to give the Princess Bride another chance. I (gasp) didn't like it the first time I saw it.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

My 3 year old explained the thing with the skittles to me. It's a yucky cake octopus.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

Well now I won't be eating cake in the near future thanks to that first cake. What on earth is it?? I can't even begin to think what the wreckerators were supposed to come up with. Mystery. Plus being sick it's making me a little green lol.

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Albino Cthulhu emerging from a mysterious lake is my favorite out of this bunch.

@fluffy-girl: indeed, based on that (NSFW) page of "Bachelors/Hens Night" cakes, a nest of baby trouser snakes seems the best explanation. (For once, it isn't all in our minds.) Still, even for a bachlorette cake, a whole crop of itty bitty weenies seems...odd.

@Just Andrea: I didn't see it before, but yeah, I think the insurance company just wrote K.I.T.T. off as totaled. Apparently Michael made it out and stumbled around leaving a trail of bloody footprints before he fell off the cupcake cliff.

Also, I've now got a singing bear stuck in my head.

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Even if the first one was supposed to be some sort of bris cake (which it apparently isn't), it would still be seriously twisted. I mean, I'm not Jewish, but the last time I checked, the idea was not to cut the whole thing off (and stick it on a cake)! Ouch, ouch, icky, ewww!

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

@ Aquila:
So, if "penne" means "male member," does that mean that all penne pals have to be guys? Because, y'know, if so, it could stir up a whole big tempest in a pee pot.

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The tuxedo cake looks like it is decorated with the symbol of one of the Germanic student orders (I have given the URL of an incomplete list of them).

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

My first thought at seeing the first cake was it was supposed to be an MLT, with nice lean mutton and very BIG tomatoes! :)

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Can I just say that the Princess Bride is in my top 10 of all time favorite movies and your captions were PERFECT!! This post actually made me laugh out deep belly laugh out loud.

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

You might have been reading Cake Wrecks and/or Epbot too long if...

1.) You see that THE PRINCESS BRIDE is on television and wonder if Jen is watching it.

2.) You call the blogger by her first name like you know her.

3.) Lists are funnier in threes, but I'm out.

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

Oh, Sharyn! That song's a win!

@Eric re: "And now....introducingggggg....the Cream Cheese Tuxedos performing their latest hit "Its not a Pit of Despair, its a Seed of Loneliness"!
If that happens- I'm totally blaming you! (horrified shudder)

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne


(Fall sideways dead)

June 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIrismom

surely this quote fits in here somewhere:

"And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo."

June 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Thank you, Naomi! You saw what I saw, and now I don't have to worry that it's just me seeing a crop of phalluses erupting from a lady garden.

June 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJackiechloe

"There’s a shortage of perfect cakes in this world..."

June 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWestley

Ha! Dude, I'm on cake wrecks. The PIT of DESPAAAAIR is mine! From good ol' Hudson FL. So fitting - which makes it all the funnier!

What on earth is that eel/noodle/genital thing supposed to be? It's going to give me nightmares. And I'm pretending the CCC is a horse...with severe malformations. i

June 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLena

This post killed me. My sides hurt!!!

June 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSlivi

The Princess Bride is my all time favorite movie. I don't get a chance to read your blog as often as I would like, but when I do, I always make sure to catch up on everything I've missed. So imagine my surprise, as I'm sitting here watching The Princess Bride, to see this post. The cakes are awful. The commentary is hilarious and I'm a happy camper! Thank you so much and keep doing what you do! (I just hope none of my cakes ever show up here, hehe!)

June 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

@Aquila: *bows*

@hyphen8: Teehee. Thanks for filling in the details!

IF those are male members, WHY are they grey? Nope. Worms. The Bachelorettes were going fishing and that cake depicts the bait box.

June 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

What about the ROUSes?

June 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRandomTeenager

It's obvious that the Tuxedo Cake has a white Cthulhu... in an oil spill.

June 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterclmosher

Sadly I think the PIT of DESPAAAAIR is suppose to be a graduation cap! Do you see it? Just squint your eyes now lean to the right. lol

June 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney Keith

You never once mentioned how these cakes smell. If you lean in, you get... Whiffs of INSANITY!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArjuna

The cakes were horrendous.
The quotes were properly punctuated.
The cross-referencing of Star Wars and Princess Bride brought this post to perfect Nerd Level. I applaud you!

August 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany Fichter

Apparently the first cake is a tribute to vienna sausages.

November 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

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