My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Are You Kidding Me?

Happy "Kids Take Over The Kitchen" Day, everyone!

In honor of this happy occasion I'd like to take a moment to salute all the bakeries out there who've chosen to celebrate in the most literal of fashions.


Sure, it seems a little unorthodox, but I think inviting children between the ages of 4 and 9 to take up your piping bags for an entire day - and in a professional bakery, no less - is inspiring. Brave, even!

Granted, it's also unsanitary and possibly illegal, but hey, let's focus on the positive here.


For example, would you believe most customers never even noticed the swap?

 When asked if she knew a child of seven had made her cake that day, one shopper at a local Tierful Tasties responded, "You mean he doesn't always make the cakes here? Seriously? Ok, now I'm really confused."


Others praised the improved artwork and spelling, noting how much better the quality of goods was:


For their part, the kids took to their new decorating duties with a zeal, creating everything from charmingly drawn houses... "balloons"... Justin Bieber cakes.

 Lots and LOTS of Justin Bieber cakes.


What no one could have predicted, of course, was that the combination of kids and an unlimited supply of sugar would result in a few... er...unfortunate incidents.


Some bakeries lost an entire month's worth of sprinkles in just a few hours...

...while others are already hiring professional cleaning crews for the walls and ceilings.

 A small price to pay, however, for work of this caliber.

 In fact, bakers tell me nothing the children created was deemed "unsellable," and absolutely everything made it to store shelves as-is. Amazing!


One bakery even went so far as to use this child's "electric razor or possibly a dress surrounded by earth worms" cake in their front display window:


 While others encouraged the kids to put their finger-painting skills to good use: 


Or dabble in the more abstract art of, and I quote, "My Little Pony Poop:"


Best of all, a few kids even tried to write on their cakes, which I think we can all agree is freaking ADORABLE.

Can't you just imagine a little six-year-old with his chubby little fingers wrapped around a piping bag, tongue sticking out in concentration? Right? Seriously, I'm tearing up over here, it's just so darn cute.

 So thank you, bakeries, for making today special the best way possible, and also for making my job of making it look like you employ five-year-olds so stinking easy. 

Also thanks to Amanda M., Celia B., Marissa M., Jessica F., Anony M., Manda, Kendell J., Rachel S., Kris D., Mariah H., Anne L., Emily F., & Bridgette O. for kidding around with us. Give your inner child a lollipop for me, guys.


Be Our Guest

Cakes so full of grime


Possibly diseased


Oozing from both ends!

These could kill your friends...


Just a little mange


Y'all come for the feast!


What’s that over there?

Dirty underwear?

Who would pay for these?


Everyone’s the same

Spongebob in disguuuuise!


We should tell the store

Sometimes less is more

Those cows hurt MY EYES.


These cakes are a crime


Misery prolonged


Sticky, green and strange!

Makes you feel deranged

These are just so wrong.


Certainly this one

Has infected yeast


Festering, with slime

These cakes are a crime

Who would pay for these?

Festering, with slime

These cakes are a crime

Who would pay.... for theeese?


(Off to the Dumpster with you now, cakes. It’s past your sell time.)


Thanks to Chloe, Louise F., Megan P., Anony M., Eric P., Pete & Erika , Anna S., Tiffany S., Ashlee M., Joanna B., Hannah C., Chani, & Mona S., who recommend skipping the gray stuff this time.


*Made by the awesome Jennifer Lewis of The Connoisseurs. Check out the making of here.