Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec162010

The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

A choking hazard in a treeeee.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Two buttered bells,
And a choking hazard in a tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Three whipped ghosts,
(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Six pounds of icing,
♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eight runny egg yolks,
(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?
Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eleven candy canes that kinda look like Slimey the Worm,

See?

Ten piles of nothing (You FORGOT?!),

Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Thirteen TWELVE fake flowers,
Eleven Slimey Canes,
Ten lots a' nothing,
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!

Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.

-------------------------------------------------

CCC Day #4


Best Friends Animal Society operates the nation's largest sanctuary for abused and abandoned animals, from cats and dogs to rabbits and horses. Their mission is to create a world with no more homeless pets. Period.

Click here to donate your dollar!

Wednesday
Dec152010

Pastry Gags

If you've read this blog for any length of time, then you may be under the impression that only cakes can be royally wrecked. Well, in honor of National Pastry Day (which was last Thursday [so obviously it's not that honor-full]) I've decided to disabuse you of that unfairly cakist notion. Right after I go see if "cakist" is a word.

[Googling]

No, no it isn't. But "googling" is. Go fig.

[shrug] Ok, on to the pastry!

Remember those gingerbread "men" horrors I featured last week? Well, it could be worse. Meet the regular bread man:

"Yes, I know the muffin man. That dude is CRAZY."

1 out of 4 Spider-Mans agree: these chocolate cupcakes are "da bomb!"

The purple flower is what really sells it.

I can't say I understand what's going on with these cream horns:

Um...

...but I'm not sure putting smiley faces on them would help:

Um... Ew.

Speaking of which, nothing says, "Yum!" like a gummie worm crawling out of a ball of chocolate poo:

Am I right?


And a few personal favorites:

Yes, I know they're croquembouches. What I *don't* know is how to pronounce it. Or why Sister Mary Leia there and her fellow patron saints of sports are armed with swords. [head tilt] Huh.

Packed with pistachio, these chocolate dipped knuckle sandwiches really satisfy!

And speaking of chocolate, here's a tip:


When it comes to "Bon Bon's," aim high.

And lean to the right.

Still, nothing gets a rise out of a paying customer quite like a...a...

Peep with a goatee? Maybe?

April K., Danielle B., Malisa I., Margie J., Amy N., Amanda W., Yunn C., Eva M., Malin R., no matter how you slice it, something here definitely went a rye. When you knead your Peeps toasty, that's gonna cost a lotta dough!

---------------------------------

CCC Day #3:


Love146 has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less."

Click here to donate a dollar via FirstGiving.