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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Dec092012

Sunday Sweets: Baby Cakes

Hey, unborn baby!  I'm planning a party for you! It's called a baby shower. I know it's a little weird that you won't actually BE at this party in your honor, but technically you will, so I thought maybe you'd have some opinions about your cake.

Now, your parents have decided not to reveal your gender.  Or maybe you're a boy... I can't remember.  I'm not good with details.  But anyway, I'm going with a neutral cake theme just to be safe.

Here are some options:

A mama and baby kangaroo cake!  Look at the sweet little kangaroo peeking out of its momma's pouch:

Submitted by Jill L., made by Heather Barranco Dreamcakes

 Totally neutral-baby-shower appropriate, wouldn't you say?

 

Or how about cowboy themed? Or should I say cow-PERSON themed?

By CW reader Annie K.

You're right, let's make it easy on ourselves: western themed.

 

This one is super cute, and not at all gender specific.  Green and brown with polka dots:

 Wait, aren't babies colorblind? Or is that puppies? Maybe someone else should have been in charge of this thing.

 

Do you like zoo animals? I'll answer that for you: YES.

Submitted by Emma W., made by Cake Avenue

How could you not? These are the cutest things I've seen all day.  Uh, other than those ultrasound pictures your mom showed me, of course. That was, um, totally cute, too. You are a black and white blob of adorableness.

 

OK, so I'm not the most baby-knowledgeable person on the planet, but I'm doing my best. I do know one thing: It's not cool to smoke, kid.

Submitted by Elizabeth A., made by Sachi S.

No matter how gut-wrenchingly precious that pipe-smoking gnome on your cake is.

And while we're learning life lessons here, I want you to remember that life is like a carousel.  One day you're up. One day you're down. One day you realize it's all nothing more than an endless circle that spits you out in the same place you started.

Um, that was kind of depressing. Sorry. Let's just focus on this amazing cake, which has about seventeen different layers of cuteness happening here.

 

Know what else it cute? Baby shoes. Trust me on this. Just wave your little baby feet around in anyone's face and they will melt into a puddle of mush. Use this to your advantage.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this cake, baby?  The bow, the binky, the baby shoes... it has it all, am I right?

 

Here's another option: we combine a bunch of these elements into one.  Big bow, zoo animals, polka dots, bright colors...

By Cake Central Member echocolate

What do you say? Do we have a winner?


Oh, you want MORE zoo animals?  Let me tell you something kid, in real life, zoo animals are not nearly as nice and cutesy as these cakes might lead you to believe. Take it from someone who nearly had her arm chomped off by a dolphin at Sea World.

By My Sweet and Saucy

 Here's some more advice: dolphins are jerks.

 

Birds are nice, though. Check out this pretty pair of birds, nurturing their little egg. That's you!

By Ingenious Cakes

You know, you used to be an egg once.  It all started with these things called 'ovaries' and a magical journey through the 'fallopian tubes'... you know what, this talk can wait 'til later.

 

OK, this next cake leads me to believe you might be a boy. Not that girls can't have blue, green and yellow cakes. Or be named Ryan. Remember Ryan Starr from American Idol season 1? No?

By Celebrate With Cake!

I don't really either, now that you mention it.

 

OK, now I'm almost positive you're a boy.  Just a hunch. 

Welcome to the world, little guy!

 

This post is dedicated to Sweets reader Margaret, and her little angel Jonathan.  

 

P.S. - Hey, did you know we have a directory of all the pro bakers featured on Sunday Sweets, arranged by state and country? 'Cuz we do! Go check it out, and see how many Sweets bakers are in your area!

 

Friday
Dec072012

Is There No "Just Us"?

After you see the word "just" written on a cake enough times, you start to ask yourself, "How does this keep happening?"

 

I don't know. I honestly don't. 

But it still cracks me up.

 

Sometimes I can't help imagining the conversation:

"What would you like the cake to say?"

"'Happy Birthday.'"

"Anything else?"

"Just 'Happy Birthday.'"

 

 BAM.

(I see "Just Happy Birthday" so often that I'm starting to wonder if bakers think it's a "thing." You know, like Man Showers or Dubstep.)

 

Then there are the perils of ever thanking your baker:

 

 

Not to mention the perils of writing anything out with instructions, really:

And just like that, CC's hysterectomy cake would never be forgotten.

 

So bakers, remember: when in doubt about a cake, you're always better off writing nothing on it than risk getting the order wrong.

 

 

No, not "nothing ON IT," I mean just, you know, NOTHING.

 You're killing me here.


Ok, what if I tell you to leave the cake blank?

As I suspected:

We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Ginger E., Anony M., Jenny C., Nathan B., Nicole P., Cristina B., Kristen H., Erica, & Ross E., who know you can't take anything I say literally, because I only speak in similes. LIKE A BOSS.