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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Mar022011

Let's Get Physiological

Gather 'round, my child, and I'll tell you a tale.

A tale...of where you came from.


Now, there are a lot of theories out there about how new babies get here.

Some say it's a bird:

...in a trippy oil painting from the 70s.

Some say it's a plane:

"Geronimooooo!"

And some say it's Superman:

Which, if you think about it, makes about as much sense as the stork.

These are all lies.

And I think it's high time you learned the truth.

The truth is, you didn't arrive by bird, plane, or Kryptonian. You arrived by:


Ram.

And by "ram" I mean "Mommy's magic baby bag."

See, it all started with these brave little tadpoles:


Er...

It all started with these brave gigantic tadpoles.

Together the tadpoles ventured through the winding Fallopian Forests of Ovarium, fought the wily Va-dragon, and ultimately joined forces with the mighty She-Ra in the magic baby bag.


(This is all true.)

And that was the beginning of you!

At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really:


You just floated around, day after day, flicking your fingers.

(*flick flick flick*)

If you're curious where on your mom you were, here's a handy diagram:

So, right armpit during the day, lower hemline at night.

Over time you grew bigger and bigger, and soon your wee little face was scaring the crap out of all our friends:

"Eeeaaaaat meeee."

Finally the emotional day arrived, and your mother and I were simply overcome at the thought of witnessing such a beautiful spectacle of radiant new life. [sigh]

And then a rainbow shot out of your mom's hoo-haw, tossing you a good 10 feet. Haha! You should've seen it, man. It was awesome!

Oh, don't look so worried. You turned out fine.

Thanks to wreckporters Paula L., Elizabeth S., Cariena B., Reed D., Valerie B., Kate M., Ashlee, Amber M., & Anony M., who will never hear "Rainbow Connection" the same way again.

Tuesday
Mar012011

Like a Boss

Employee Appreciation Day is coming up this Friday, so I'd like to take a moment to talk to all the bosses out there.

You heard me, peons; we need to discuss how to make you feel appreciated, so scram. Go on.

Are they gone? Just the employers here? Good.

Ok, guys here's the deal: we all know the BEST way to make people feel appreciated is to pay them well, provide excellent benefits, and allow them plenty of time off to spend with their families.

But, luckily for you, cake works just as well.


In fact, I've got some great ideas to improve your company's morale year-round, and all within the budget-friendly confines of your local bakery. Check it out:

1) Cake Memos

What are cake memos? Exactly what they sound like:

Thumbs up for less e-mail!


Even better? Interactive memos:

Just provide each employee with their own colored tube of icing, and watch the communication efficiency improve!

2) Cake Compliments

Single your people out from time to time with a spontaneous compliment. If you can't think of one, just copy a line from the "strengths" column of their last performance review:


[insert lack of "profigency" in spelling joke here]

And don't worry; if you screw it up we both know your intern will just get blamed.

3) Cake Jokes

As with the home, the workplace can sometimes experience disagreements and strife. At times like these, it's helpful to remember that nothing diffuses a tense contract or labor union dispute quite like a little humor:


After you all share a big laugh, no one will mind having their share deducted from their paycheck!

4) Cake Sympathy

Though they may say otherwise, sometimes your employees don't want you to fix their problem; they just want your validation and sympathy.


And just like that, it's alllll better.

5) Cake Kicks to the Curb

And finally, when one of your work family moves on to another company, always be sure to part ways with good grace and affection:

And also maybe a security escort.

Thanks to today's workers Allison O., Sala C., Brittany K., Gary W., Matt I., Bethany H., Jennifer P., & Beth H., who all have profigency in wreckporting.