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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec152011

Ho Ho Homicides

We interrupt your daily web browsing to bring you this SPECIAL REPORT.

A pastry butcher is on the loose and rampaging through our nation's bakeries. Let's go straight to the scene of the latest crime:

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIE!!"

 

Er... ok, maybe we should just run some B roll instead.

Let's take a look at some of the pastry punisher's previous victims:

[wincing] Ouch. That's cold, man. Ice cold.

 

Yes, this cake crushing criminal is no respecter of Christmas celebrities. Why, poor Rudolph was found stunned like a common 'deer in the headlights:

And gingerbread Mr. Bill learned exactly how the cookie crumbles:

"Ohhh nooooo!"

 

Most chilling, however, is the spreading string of serial Santa slayings.


Yes, this callous Kringle killer is out to collect some serious coal this year.

It seems that each fearful face-off leaves Father C. face down.

 

Talk about a knife in the back: Santa just got served.


With a heaping helping of childhood trauma on the side.

 

Suspects are limited, but bystanders report spotting a suspicious character lurking around the cupcakes:

So, if you see a murderous tableau in the cake aisle, then please, contact your local bakery authorities immediately...

 

...and ask them to stop making dead Christmas character cakes.

 

Thanks to Jessica L., Misty M., Kelly J., Rebecca M., Jim F., Anna M., Rachel M., & Monica D. for the killer treats.

Wednesday
Dec142011

Paying With Plastic

Bakers, it's time again to "holiday" up those displays, but don't you worry: adding a little winter cheer is as easy as jamming a plastic penguin pick in place!

Aww. Seeing the traditional Yule ducks always gets me a little misty-eyed.

 

Of course, all of your leftover stock cakes will need the same treatment, too.

After all, a flattened lizard/alligator/green blob with eyes is BORING - but shove an ornament in his mouth and a tiny Santa sleigh on his back, and....

...well, I guess it looks like that.

 

What's that? You need a Christmas baby shower cake?

DONE.

And look! I didn't even have to unwrap it!

 

Plus, this really is the best time of year to be a baker, because all of your new designs can look like this:

Heck, you don't even have to place the plastic pieces in the right order; just chuck 'em in with the cupcakes and call it a "cupcake puzzle!" Easiest twenty bucks EVER.

 

For you overachievers out there, though, there's also this fun option:

Note that there isn't a single edible item in or on that mess of frosting. Score!

 

Of course, some people - let's call them humbugs - insist on most of their cakes' decorations being edible. (I know, right?!)

For them, there's this:

See? They get something that's technically mostly edible, and you get to see their faces when they open the box! It's a win-win!

 

Thanks to Karen K., Nora B., Erika A., Sharon P., Cindy J., & Jennifer H., who think paying for plastic with plastic never gets the proper credit.