I Am So, So Sorry: 6 C-Section Cakes People Actually Ate

I want you to know, minions, that this post is not my fault. *I* didn't make/order/condone ANY of these cakes, NO SIR.

But now LOOK what these bakers are making me do! LOOK.

(Made by Darcy at Brown Butter Bakery who has an awesome sense of humor)

:head tilt:

Well, actually, that's not TOO bad. I mean, EW, yes, but at least they kept the gore to a minimum.

In fact, this next one doesn't have ANY blood! Yay!

And hey, perky nipples! What mom-to-be doesn't want her friends eating perky lady nipples at her shower? Besides all of them?

I feel I should warn you, though, that this next one is definitely crossing a line:

Not ready. NOT READY.

Just tell yourself this is a creepy old man poking his head out of sheet, and you MIGHT only scream for, like, a second or two:

Brb, still screaming.

But you know what we haven't had enough of yet in this post? Doll parts and drippy red syrup.

STILL SCREAMING.

Ok, for realsies, folks, turn back now.

'Cuz you do NOT want to see this last one.

It's bad.

Real bad.

Why are you still scrolling?

Are you on a diet?

Out of birth control?

Do you ENJOY feeling queasy?

Well, ohh kaaaaay....

What's that? You want to ZOOM IN?

You sick, sick puppy, you.

SCREAMING FOREVER.

"Thanks" to Jenn M., Matt R., Carl G., Anony M., Heidi D., & Amber B. for making me question all of my life choices up to this point.

*****

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Marriage Maintenance

I just noticed that today is "National Weigh-In Day" *and* "Divorce Monday."

Coincidence?

Maybe, maybe not. But better keep the spousal muffin-honking to a minimum, just in case.

And while we're being extra nice to our SOs, let's also agree: No dead animal cakes.

I know, it's a silly precaution, but the great thing about dead possum cakes? They always keep.

Hmm, maybe we should avoid anything with poop on it, too.

Sure, you and I know this says, "I clean up your crap because I love you," but our spouses might get more of a "Hey sh*thead here's a crap cake because EAT POOP" vibe, and no one wants that.

Well, I mean, SOME people want that, but unless you're celebrating and/or instigating Divorce Day, steer clear of the poo.

If you're thinking you can go the safe route and get your better half a sexy cake, again, I advise caution.

[head tilt]

No, actually, this is perfect. Proceed.

And finally, when all else fails, there's always the ol' standby:

Booze and sugar, baby. BOOZE AND SUGAR.

Thanks to Hannah M., Shirena G., Melody H., & Meaghen H. for speaking our love language.

*****

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