This Shameless Promotion Month, THERE MUST BE BOOBS

It's Shameless Promotion Month, minions, and who better to teach us a thing or two than our very own wreckerators? After all, they've been doing this stuff for YEARS:

If you're wondering if you should order here... here's your sign.

Now, the first rule of shameless promotion: there must be boobs.

The more, the better.

The second rule is to oversell it. Be bold! Embrace hyperbole! Go ahead, call that mystery pile a "Chocolate Dream"!

Mmm. Dreamy.

Did you accidentally create a teddy bear with arms coming out of its hips? Then throw in words like "fun" and "whimsical" and never break eye contact:

Or tell them you'll throw in "Rainbow of Radiant Delights By Which All Other Pleasures Must Be Measured" or, RORDBWAOPMBM, for the low low price of an extra $25.

I should probably mention the 3rd rule of Shameless Promotion is that you actively hate your customers, but I kinda figured that was understood.

And remember, a "stacked" cake doesn't make any promises about what's stacked on it:

Booya.

I imagine some mustachioed baker cackling evilly into his stand mixer over this one. "I promised them a stacked cake, Reinhold, but then I just threw some old cupcakes on top! NYAH-HA-HA! A-HA-Ha-HAAAA!"

"OK, Reinhold, you can stop laughing now."

"Seriously, that's enough."

"Are you... are you mocking me??"

"That's it, go make tomorrow's display cookie!"

Thanks to Beth H., Isobel, Jeremy W., Ashley M., Emily P., Sue, & Lauren M. for making me want to write a comic about an evil villain who keeps trying to take over the world through baked goods, but he's completely inept, so he relies on his henchwoman Reinhold to do all the baking, but Reinhold - PLOT TWIST - just wants to open her own bakery and retire, so she secretly thwarts all the evil villain's plans while using his money to buy better stand mixers.

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And for my OWN shameless promotion: did you know I have an Amazon list with all my favorite items I link here on Cake Wrecks? Be sure to bookmark it for the next time you need a laugh, or gift ideas for that hard-to-buy-for person.

Funny Things I Link On Cake Wrecks

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

These Bakers Struck Out, But At Least They Nailed The Dirty Part

When you don't know if you should be more relieved... or worried:

Is that... a pie tin?

o.0

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Her local bakery didn't have a bowling design, so Renee brought in a little plastic bowling kit a few days ahead of time for them to use on her son's birthday cake.

The good news?

They DID put the plastic bowling set on the cake.

The bad news?

This was the cake:

FORE!!

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I'll give you a hint on this next one: it's a football helmet.
Now see if you can figure out what it is:

No clue, right? Right there with ya.

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THIS, my friends, is a simple-but-sweet Cornelli Lace sheet cake:

And THIS is what happens when a baker sees that photo and says, "I could knock that sucker out in like 90 seconds. You! Boy! THROW ME THAT PIPING BAG."

Boo. Ya. Emphasis on the "boo."

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And finally, there's this:

Which I thought was maybe a little inappropriate for a three year old, but then John pointed out it's supposed to be a dirt path.

[side eye]

[more side eye]

[weighing the many, MANY possible jokes here]

[and also the number of children reading this]

So at least they nailed the "dirty" part.

Thanks to Hank C., Renee B., Brendan B., Krystine M., & Wanda K. for driving that last one home.

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P.S. When getting dirty, remember to always wear protection:

NCAA Football Helmet Desk Caddy

Of course this helmet won't protect you from anything, but it will hold your pens while looking cool, which is more than we can say about most of our exes, am I right? HEYOOOOO.
Ahem.
Check the product listing for your favorite team; from what I can tell there are about a bajillion to choose from. I just picked this one because it's orange. :D
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And from my other blog, Epbot: