It's Not Creepy If You're Married

John, sweetie, I just want you to know that I think you are all the way beautiful. Not just handsome, but smart, and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you...

...again.

And maybe we'd have a couple of chubby, freckle-faced kids:

And we'd laugh ALL DAY LONG.

...and go camping, play Yahtzee, and tell ghost stories by the fire.

And every day, for the rest of your life, you would thank God... that I was the appropriate maturity level for you.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt.

I think you're very special.

And most of all, I wish you love, and I wish you contentment, and I wish you would put some pants on while I'm talking to you.

That's all.

“Eye”

“Heart”

“Ewe”

Thanks to Kate B., Judi G., Camille B., Aria P., Reba S., Jennifer L., Adrienne, and Jamie B. for helping me get that out there.

*****

P.S. Nothing says "eye heart ewe" like this shower curtain reviewers are calling "the best thing I’ve ever bought after 40 hours without sleep":

"Jeff Goldblum casually lounging with a gorilla"

This thing has hundreds of 5-star ratings, and I'm gonna be honest here, the fact that so many people have this hanging in their bathrooms really renews my faith in romance.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Logo Low-Blows

I know it can be scary asking a bakery to do something custom, like, say, a school or brand's logo.
But DON'T PANIC; I'm here to walk you through it.

First, print out a nice, clear image to bring in as a reference:

With something as simple as this Chanel logo, you can be sure there is simply NO WAY...

...that the results won't be hysterical.

When ordering a Saints logo...

...it helps to have the patience of one.

Oh, and when you give the baker your reference image, be sure to mention how closely you want your cake to match; some bakers take it more as a "guideline" than an actual rule.

"Why'd you use the S?!"
"Because I don't know what the F is going on!"

Still, the most important thing, my friends... is to be glad you aren't ordering a Texas Longhorns cake.

Because seriously, that thing is the Kobayashi Maru of cake orders:

...you can't win.

(But hey, at least this one's got heart!)

Thanks to Amy B., Ashley B., Candace F., Amy B., Allison, & Chris L. for getting that last one off his chest.

*****

Because some days call for more than coffee:

"Probably Whiskey" Enamel "Coffee" Mug

(The listing really does have "coffee" in quotation marks, ha!)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: