I'll Just Have The Salad, Thanks.

Never before has a delicious food made to look like another delicious food made me want to LOSE my food quite...like... this:

To be fair, this is exactly what pizza looks like - if you make it with old Cheez Whiz, moldy beet slices, algae, and blueberries. (AKA the "Nothing beets berry cheesy seaweed!" special.)

I was about to ask why someone would make a cake that looks like cherry pie...

...but then I realized no one did.

[OH! SNAP!]

[What do you mean, "no one says that anymore?" I just heard some hep cat on the YouTubes saying it last week! Stop crammin' my jive, H-dub.]

[I do SO know what I'm saying, John. You're just jelly of my lyrical songifications, mug-buzz.]

Not entirely sure what's happening here, but I'll tell you this:

That's fowl.

"See, just imagine the caramel sauce as glistening rivulets of semi-congealed grease, and the green stuff as... Hey! Where are you going?"

And finally, put down that coffee, and allow me to introduce you to...

Cockroach Steak: the other other white meat.

All hail Greg, Emily H., Lindsay I., and Erica R., slayers of appetites!

*****

P.S. Sorry, that was super gross. Let me make it better.
LOOK HOW CUTE:

Rex the Green Dragon

This teeny pocket-sized dragon comes in a bunch of different styles: wearing aviator goggles, nursing a singed wing, even skateboarding, heh. It's hard to pick a favorite; they're all so stinking adorable! Guaranteed to make you forget about cakey roach steaks. (Oh. Whoops. Sorry.)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

It's Baaaa-aaaack

Yesterday I sensed a great celebration in the Force. As if a billion stay-at-home parents suddenly cried out, and then poured themselves a margarita.

Oh, is school back in session?

 Thaaaat explains it.

Plus, now I know why I've been seeing cakes with random office supplies thrown on them:

Oh! And what "TOSCHOL" is!

That black square with the red squiggle, however, remains a mystery.

Now, kids, I know it may not seem like it now, but going to school really is a good thing.

For your parents, I mean. Sucks to be you!! Haha!

Ahem.

I'm sorry.

What I meant was, education is an important, vital aspect of your development, and the places we go to receive our education should be treated with the proper respect.

Now, is it easy? Of course not! After all, these places will make you [shudder] "Back ---- To The Books (Study)":

You have no idea how much I'd like to scratch out "books" and write in "Future." Then I'd replace "study" with "McFly."

Oooh, cake graffiti! Why hasn't this been done before??

[NOTE: I here at Cake Wrecks do not endorse, condone, or solicit illegal cake defacing.]

[Unless you're paid to do it.]

[Glad we cleared that up.]

['Nother Note: I'd give you $5. Just sayin'.]

Look, bottom line:

Totally.

So run along and have fun, dears! I think today I'll sit around and play Overwatch while eating Marshmallow fluff straight out of the jar. Degree-holding adult, right here! Stay in shool!

Thanks to Wendy F., Doug, Marissa S., Megan C., Kristin J., and Allison V. for the education.

*****

P.S. Tell me mine isn't the only brain that went straight to this after that last cake:

School House Rock! 30th Anniversary DVD

Aw yeah, catchy songs AND educational. Good stuff.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: