Heeeey Sexah LAY-DAY

Don't worry, this isn't going to be a Gangnam Style parody. Promise. It's just that every time I see one of those "baby bump" limbless torso cakes trying so desperately to be sexy, that's all I hear in my head:

"HEEEEEY SEXAH LAY-DAY!"

Plus now I can't stop picturing Psy screaming at all the fondant boobies:

I feel ya, man.

But enough about me. Let's talk about why so many women enjoy displaying edible effigies of their nearly naked torsos for a bunch of other women while celebrating the imminent expulsion of a human being from their bodies.

(When you put it like that, it's kind of messed up, right?)

And while I'll never think pregnant torso cakes are a good idea, at least the ones wearing clothing are a little LESS tacky. The "sexy" ones just make me wonder: who gets all hot and bothered looking at a dismembered pregnant torso?

Before you get too turned on, you should know that the fetus with the unnaturally long spaghetti leg is watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

That one's not really showing enough skin, though, is it? And don't you think it needs a nice heavy spray tan, too?

Muuuuch better. We'll all be revisiting breakfast in NO time.

 (If you look at that just right, you'll see a jowly guy in an aviator cap whistling Dixie around a mouth full of feet. Just sayin'.)

Hey ladies, you know how sometimes we get that little bead of sweat betwixt our womanly bazooms? And you know how the sight of it on other women make you, like, totally hungry?

Mmmm. Sweaty bazoom valley.

(Also, if that lady is pregnant, then I must be expecting twins.)

If I still haven't convinced you that "sexy" torso cakes are a bad idea, though, then let me leave you with this little window into the future:

Peek-a-boo!  SEE YOU REAL SOON.

Thanks to Cyndi P., Matt R., Anony M., Kate C., Jason S., & Vicki K. for the sexy, sexy nightmare fuel. 

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You know what's always sexy at a baby shower? Star Wars counting books.

Star Wars Obi-123

Especially this one, illustrated by one of my favorite artists, Katie Cook!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

LEGGO MY LEGO!

Hey, yesterday was LEGO's 63rd birthday! Yep, that's 63 whole years of tiny bruises and hopping around the house on one foot while cursing - which is definitely grounds for cake, don't you think?

Hmm. Maybe a LEGO cake would be more appetizing.

Now, in theory, a LEGO brick cake is pretty simple to make: just stack cupcakes on a sheet cake, frost the whole shebang, and then stick as many LEGO flotsam pieces on it as possible so people don't think you've created an edible skin rash:

I have an irresistible urge to step on this.

You can also use the time-tested, wreckerator-approved method of just writing what the cake is supposed to be ON the cake, so people are sure to get the hint:

If I were Kyle, I'd be hoping there were another 9 cakes waiting in the wings.

Still, those aren't half bad for homemade, right? Of course, they're not homemade, they're professional. And so is this:

(The Cliffs of INSANITY!)

And this:

It's like the underside of a sheep belly. A cold sheep belly.

(Ok, not THAT cold, but still, you know, pretty cold.)

And this:

There's a "sh***ing bricks" joke in here SOMEWHERE, I just know it.

If you want your LEGO cake to get really confusing, just add crayon candles:

I see a pair of goggles exploding rainbows. Which is almost awesome.

And you're never going to believe it, but this, too, is a professionally made "LEGO" brick cake:

[looking around]

[shifty eyes]

Ok, if no one else is going to say it, I will:

LEGO NIPPLES.

FUN FACT: The little bumps on LEGO bricks are called "studs."

FUNNER FACT: Today's wreckporters Breanna, Amanda K., Cindy S., Autumn & Dylan, Sondra D., Brian K., Gwen I., & Cricket are total stud-magnets. Awww yeeeeah. (Also: ouch.)

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Unlike these wrecks, this LEGO set is adorable:

LEGO Star Wars AT-AT vs Tauntaun

Lookit the little AT-AT! And the tauntaun with no nipples! I'm not into the big sets so much, but I'd get these to display on my desk.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: