The Labor of Love

Sure, you could go with rubber duckies and baby blocks, but that's sooo last decade. Today's shower cakes are all about the biology of baby-making: tasty and educational!

 

And while you're at it, why not congratulate dad, too?

 

Of course, mom also did her part:

Whoah, whoah, whoah! TMI, Dad, TMI!

 

You could even illustrate the whole process with the aid of disturbing plant analogies:

Raise your hand if you're going to have nightmares about daisies sprouting Alien-style from your midsection tonight. Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Alrighty, then.

 

Granted, the process doesn't always start exactly the same way:

Thank goodness that cup is labeled. Otherwise, we'd have some concerned coffee drinkers on our hands right about now.

 

And what does all this love math equal?

(No, your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a Fetal Bite cookie in that there uterus cake. Excellent.)

 

And that brings us to the Big, Life-Changing Moment!

AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!

 

Yep, I'm changed for life.

 

Casey D., Heidi D., Hillary M., Kristin J., Jess, Shari W., & Tiffany D., when you're ready to have "the talk" with your kids, feel free to come back here for visual aids.

*****

This book has over 2,000 5-star reviews and looks absolutely hysterical, definitely bookmark it for the new parents in your life:

Write 'Em, Cowboys!

Hey guys, it's time again for our Annual Texas Cowboy Poetry post!

(My apologies in advance to Texas, cowboys, and poetry in general.)

 

Ahem hem hem.

swirling poo vortex
moistly encircles my horse

keep it off the boots.

******

 

There once was a rodeo clown
The best of the whole bunch, hands down.

 

A real Texas Star

 

He's sure to go far

If he'd just stop horsing aroun'.

*****

 

Dangle the Dog's show had to close
The problem? Right under his nose.
Since it's hard to erase
the things on his face...

Now he just does puppet shows.

****

 

Kill.
Kill, kill, kill
KILL!
Killllllllllll....

Kill kill.

*********

 

And for our grand finale, we'd like you to know that John wrote the next one. That's right, JOHN DID IT. So it's not my or Sharyn's fault. We're just saying.

Take it away, John!

 

Once upon a morning dreary, while I sat there, drinking beery,
Thinkin' 'bout this girl I'd ogled at the game the night before.
How we went back to her trailer, thinkin' I was gonna... uh, regale her
Shame she fell into the baler, just below the hayloft door.
"Geez Louise!" I screamed in terror as her bits lay on the floor.
"Now she's boobs... and nothing more!"


Thanks to Jodee R., Erica D., Tug T., Samantha R., Kristen, Emily S., & Willow M. for helping John get that off his chest.

*****

P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?

I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats

This hardcover gift book costs less than $10 and will have your friends feline fine.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: