Somebody, PLEASE, Explain The Green Beans

'Twas the week before Easter, and all through the bakery
The Bakers plopped plastic and all kinds of fakery

The chicks were wrapped snugly, each in her shell

"Too tight. TOO TIGHT!"

While visions of killer buns
turned sleep... into hell

"SOOOOOON."

Then out from the aisles
came a shriek, filled with hate!
So we set out our green beans:

And decided to wait.

His face looked like spiders

His ears, flaccid tubes

And when he turned 'round...
hang on, are those boobs?

His eyes were insane

His mouth smeared with drool

which dripped when he laughed
like blood in a pool

[shudder]

Then I heard him exclaim
ere he killed all the lights

"Hoppy Easter to all
and to all, a good fright."

"Jolly Rancher?"

Thanks to Angela F., Kaci M., Tara F., Rick H., Amy Jo, Lisa J., Christina, Kelli M., Amber P., Stephen D., Lori W., & Mia C. for the hare-raising tail.

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P.S. Don't worry, I have a cute bunny chaser for you:

15 Easter Eggs Filled With Plush Bunnies

How adorable are these teeny plush bunnies?! These would be a great surprise in your egg hunts and Easter baskets this weekend. Here's a size reference:

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Between You, Me, And The Lamb Post

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Thanks to Anony M. for the wrecks' files. (Eh? EH??)

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P.S. In case those puns weren't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

Good news, there's also a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop reading it.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: