Inspiration vs Perspiration

First, the inspiration:

Which isn't bad, I guess, if you've got a Brave Heart kind of vibe going for your wedding. Certainly it's executed well.

 

Anyway, here is what the paid, "professional" baker provided:

Erm.

[glancing between the two photos]

It’s like seeing double, isn’t it?

I mean, sure, the second one is collapsed in on itself, slumped over to one side, and channeling a bit more Bob Marley than William Wallace, but besides all that I’d say the decorator was bang on, wouldn’t you? Ok, ok, if you wanted to get picky about it, I guess that crack in the bottom – the one you can see the cake through? – that probably should have been iced over. Oh, and the red stripe might look a little nicer if it were one continuous line – or for that matter, if the line were straight. (Perhaps a little too much Red Stripe was consumed before icing the red stripe, eh? Eh? Come on, that was freakin’ hilarious, people: Bob Marley? Jamaican beer? Booya!)

Come to think of it, maybe that mass of squiggles in the mid section isn’t the best example of plaid I’ve ever seen, either. [tilting head to one side] Huh. Yeah. Ok, Summer, you got me: I can sort of see why the bride sued.

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P.S. I agree, you COULD do a better job yourself. So have you seen these new silicone "piping bulbs?"

8 Pc Bulb Decorating Kit

Y'all. Go read the reviews; these things are apparently total game-changers. Easy to fill, clean, no more leaking piping bags, AND they fit all the Wilton metal tips we already have! I don't do much cake decorating these days, but I do pipe caulking for crafts, so I'm excited to try these out.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

It's A Tough Job But Someone's Gotta Blow It

WARNING: In-your-end-o jokes ahead. Hide the kids!

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John: "Hey, we had a few complaints about that baby shower cake, so let's steer clear of anything too off-color today, ok?"

Jen: "Noooo problem. I have the perfect ON color cake we can use."

John: "Yeah?"

Jen: "Yep. I call it, 'TASTE THE RAINBOW.'"

John: "NO. Definitely no."

 

Jen: "What, you don't like it?
"Then how about 'Rubber Baby Buggy Balls'?"

"See, you can already tell it's a boy!"

John: "Why does the stroller have... ?! Never mind. No."

 

Jen: "Tiger Beat?"

John: "You're killing me here.

"Can't you just post some wrecky flowers or something? Please?"

Jen: "Flowers? ON IT."

[five minutes later]

"Got one! This baker says her co-worker made a border of 'exotic flowers.' You like?

"I think I'll call it, 'Ring Around the Posy Peens.'"

John: [silent glare]

"The Pollenators?"

[...]

"Petal Pushers?"

[...]

"Sticky Stamens?"

[...]

"Calla Willies?"

[...]

"One-Eyed Snapdragons?"

[...]

"Penis Flytraps?"

John: "You're answering tomorrow's e-mail."

 

Thanks to Jody M., Amber G., Ashley, & Anony M. for helping us find the rainbow... erection.

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P.S. Need a cool gift that doesn't involve X-rated flowers? Then how about a card that transforms into a bouquet of perfectly safe-for-work flowers:

Fresh Cut Paper Pop-Up Flowers

Although if you want to call that center one a Calla Willy, I won't stop you.

And you can stock up with the three-pack!

There are more flower styles and colors at the link.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: