Rhymin' Wreckers

What if cakes were the last lines in really bad poems?

Come, my friends. LET US DREAM TOGETHER.

Work anniversary
Head of the class
A lousy coffee cup??

You'll get no bars here
No cells in this park
So let's give a cheer:

Not sure how it works -
The questions are numerous
Still, hooray for you!

Like, this is totes "no"
ROTFL 4ever
ANYway, so,

Beard scruff and muscles
Scratchin' all day
Something that rhymes with muscles

With age comes wisdom
If I may be so bold
To the smartest friend I know:

I'm hip and I'm fly
All the bros know me
Ladies, I go by

Thanks to Anony M., Sarah S., Derek, Anony M., Melissa H., Karen T., & Hannah D. for helping us celebrate Bad Poetry Day without even knowing it.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

Also THE best gift for baby showers and kids' birthdays, if you like to sprinkle a little chaos in your friends' lives. Mwuahahaa.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

I Bet The Unicorn Wasn't The Only One Crying

You know those unicorn cakes that are all the rage right now? Like this?

(By Rosanna Pansino)

Well, this bakery tried to recreate one, and you guys...

It's just sad.

Huh. I always figured unicorn tears would be more glittery.

***

Megan's baker said she could make these Abby Cadabby cookies:

(By Pink Little Cake)

But instead, well, let's just say there were a lot of long faces at the party that day:

***

And finally, I think the next baker was trying to make this Tinkerbell cake:

SO CUTE.

Er...

Brace yourselves.

 

 

"Here's lookin' at you, screaming kid."

Thanks to Jean T., Megan P., & Paul P. for that PSA on the dangers of excess eyeliner.

*****

P.S. Am I really going to use that Tinkerbell wreck as an excuse to mention my favorite liquid eyeliner?

Yes, yes I am.

Nano Liner

Listen, once you hit 40 you tend to want thinner eyeliners, in the hopes that at least SOME of your eyeshadow will still show under your drooping eye flaps. I transitioned from brush liners to felt tips years ago, and the Nano is my gold standard: crisp, thin lines, a flexible felt tip that makes wings vastly easier, and best of all, it costs less than $7, y'all. What whaaaaat. Trust me, buy two.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: