Anybody Wanna Peanut?

[WARNING: Very mild adult humor ahead. Hide the children-folk!]

John and I like to chat via Instant Messaging when we're across the house from each other. (Because AMERICA.) Below is our actual IM conversation from last night over today's cake:

Me: Well, this earned a triple-take: [attaches photo]

John: What is that??

Me: You'll figure it out.

John: Is it a number 1?

Me: Noooo...

John: Seriously, what the what?

Me: Look closer.

John: I literally have no idea.

Me: *sigh* It's Thor's hammer, ok?

[short pause]

[loud guffaws echo from the other room]

[short pause]

John: Ok, so why the heck is there a peanut on the tip???

Me: I have no idea. Maybe he's a Princess Bride fan?

And before you all mention it, yes, this IS a pretty great cake... minus the surprisingly obscene topper, of course. Personally I like to think that Clayton is just a fan of the Avengers and Princess Bride.

Thanks to Melanie K. for letting me hammer home another dong joke.

*****

P.S. Need to hide your eyes *and* listen to music or a good podcast? Then check THESE babies out:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders for my insomnia. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask - like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they're on sale right now for $16 Prime.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works out great if you have a big head like me.

When The Junior Wreckerator Has Become The Master

Welcome to another installment of...

Confessions of a Master Baker!

"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."

[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]

"So then," [blowing nose] "Then I told my husband to just bring me more plastic flowers, but we were OUT OF PLASTIC FLOWERS." 

"I still have nightmares about brown sugar and chocolate shavings."

[whispering]

Confessions...

"They said they wanted 'Starry Night.' Everyone knows Starry Night, right? So I drew it from memory.

"Turns out I don't know Starry Night."

[whispering]

Telling Secrets...

"What can I say? I panicked. I grabbed the can of silver spray..."

"... and told the bride it was Art Deco!"

[whispering]

Declarations...

"I thought a fondant ribbon down the side would distract from the lopsidedness.

"... Which it did. So I guess, you know, that worked."

[whispering]

Professions, but not in a job-like way...

"How hard is it to throw a few rose petals on a cake?"

"Easier than dodging a whole wedding cake, that's for sure."

Thanks to Pat J., Erin R., Anony M., Lauren H., & Natalie W., who I hear is really quick on her feet.

*****

P.S. My confession: I don't have much of a waist, so I can't keep my stretchy jeans up without a belt - and I HATE belts. Or at least I did until I found this one:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.