The Far Side Of Cake, Vol 11

If Dr. Seuss wrote naughty adult books:

I do not like them
Sam-I-Am
I do not like
Green eggs and wang

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Of course, those who knew what to look for could see the early signs of favoritism:

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...then after he lost the Geico gig, he did a series of humiliating spots for a local Hot Dog stand.

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Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. Then, one chilly Fall morning, they found them:

10 pristine John Deere hats, carefully arranged around the meadow edges - but not a single tractor in sight.

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"Loves: nature, hunting his kids, volunteering."

Just another reminder of the importance of proper comma use, my friends.

Thanks to Erin H., Amber M., Erin B., Julia K., & Sober (ha!) for setting our sights on the far side.

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P.S. Now that it's *almost* scarf weather in Florida let me show you my new favorite find:

The CVS Receipt Scarf

Y'all. It's soft, it goes with everything, and it's a giant CVS receipt. Talk about the best reveal when someone compliments your look!

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Man Cakes For Beef Cakes

Robyn T.'s family was celebrating four birthdays, and since the birthday boys were all guys, they asked for a "masculine" cake.

Instead, they got an inscription that took them all afternoon to puzzle out:

(I assume the first symbol was the top half of a "4" on the order sheet. Don't you just love written games of Telephone?)

See, your problem was trusting the bakers to know what's masculine, Robyn. Next time, just ask for the balloons to be bunched together with one long and two round ones:

INSTA-MANLINESS.

Or how about some cookies to remind the guys of the bachelor party they never had?

(I saw a balloon stripper on Night Court* once, so now I just assume all bachelor parties have them. DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE.)

Men don't like a lot of talking about their feelings and whatnot, so remember to keep your namby-pamby adjectives to yourself, if you please:

Replace the roses with crushed beer cans, and now we're REALLY talking.

Oh, hey, you know what men do like?
Tools:

...and peeing on things.

So the next time you need a masculine design, peeps, don't ask for it. Just find something in the case that already works!

Now just jam a power drill on this thing, and you're golden.

Thanks to Robyn T., Mandy B., Jamie D., Robb J., Jaleo, & Kallan for knowing there is nothing - NOTHING - more manly than chocolate skid marks.

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*PROOF:

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P.S. You know what else is masculine?

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

DAD JOKES. And while there are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop reading these jokes aloud.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: