How Bizarre

One of my high school teachers told us to always ask why with our writing.

Why does this character do what she does?
Why is this political issue so divisive?
Why are poop jokes so darn funny?

Well I may not have answers today, minions, but by golly, I'm going to ask the hard-hitting questions.

Why?

Why?

WHY????

When you love fresh summer corn SO MUCH...

...you're compelled to eat a giant cookie covered in frosting.

Not since Lost have I so intently pondered the significance of a random set of numbers:

That smug "WOW!" is just sitting there, mocking me.
What am I missing?!
What does it meeeeeannnnn?

"So what does Larry like?"

"I dunno, he, um, wears suspenders?"

Or maybe Larry likes a pair of red spotlights pointed heavenward on the horizon of a moonlit ocean view.

'Cuz Larry is deep like that, you guys.

But no, really.

WHY?

Thanks to Caroline P., Suzi B., Jess M., Rachel N., Rose D., Taylor C., Katy, & Jenn B., who I thought would never ask. Which, you know, is why I did.

P.S. -

END BURGER AND HOT DOG SEGREGATION NOW

WHAT IS THIS INJUSTICE?!
Oh wait, I see a hot dog on the burger side.

Never mind.

*****

Speaking of bizarre things, today I learned that a tractor company makes baby teethers, and that thousands of people bought one shaped like a corn cob:

John Deere Corn Teether

There must be a kernel of truth to all these positive reviews. Heyoooo.

(Just a reminder that everything you purchase through my daily Amazon links - even if it's not that item! - helps support me and John, so thank you! You can also see a list of some of my favorite linked items here.)

*****

Have you checked out the Epbot craft page lately?

And Now A Word From Princess Godzilla

HOW TO BE A PRINCESS

Cake Wrecks style

1) First things first: you'll need a wardrobe fit for royalty.

Because even a strait jacket can be princessy when paired with the right skirt/circus tent.

2) Have your hair and makeup done professionally every day.

Don't be like Elsa that one time:

(Girl needs to let her liquid eyeliner GO, am I right?)

3) Find an animal side kick

Friendly forest creatures are SO overdone, though. I recommend something a little more original:

...like a boa constrictor.

4) Eyebrows UP! It helps instill a sense of wonder.

Not to mention a sense of surprise and/or fear.

Which is why:

5) You can never, EVER, stop smiling:

Cindy's foot is currently being gnawed on by angry peasant mice, but do you see her complaining?

NUH-UH.

But really, my dear minions, there is only one requirement to be a princess:

Be true to yourself, and feel pretty doing it.

Princess Godzilla demands it.

Thanks to Anony M., KM, Noelle T., Kathy C., Sydney C., & Andrea L. for making her daughter the best princess cake OF ALL TIME. Somebody give Princess Godzilla her own movie, product line, and action figures, STAT!

*****

P.S. Am I really going to use Princess Godzilla as an excuse to mention my favorite liquid eyeliner?

Yes, yes I am.

Nano Liner

Listen, once you hit 40 you tend to want thinner eyeliners, in the hopes that at least SOME of your eyeshadow will still show under your drooping eye flaps. I transitioned from brush liners to felt tips years ago, and the Nano is my gold standard: crisp, thin lines, a flexible felt tip that makes wings vastly easier, and best of all, it costs less than $7, y'all. What whaaaaat. Trust me, buy two.