Remember, Whatever Happens Out There, We Are Total Prefessionals

It's Administrative Professionals' day, minions, a time to A) thank your professional assistants, and B) force local bakers to write ridiculously long, hard-to-spell words on cakes.

SO LET'S GET TO IT.

Oooh, so close.

If they only had spell-check for cakes, am I right?

Hang on, what's this? THEY DO??

Well, THAT's clearly helping.

Hey, I know: why not skip the hard-to-spell stuff altogether, and just get down to the heart of what you're trying to say?

...but maybe a little less honest.

And less sarcastic.

YES!

I mean, uh, no. See, while literally everyone can appreciate a good "assets" pun, today you really want something more personalized to your actual assistant. Maybe start with their name?

[head hitting desk]

[muffled talking into keyboard] No, no, see, you need to make your workers feel VALUED and RESPECTED and... what's that? You already ordered the cake? Oh. OK.

I'm sure they'll love it.

Thanks to Jenny L., Carrie C., Helene W., John M., Celeste G., Lani R., & Tera L., who I appreciate in a completely non-creepy, totally prefessional way. MWAH.

*****

Because some work days call for more than coffee:

"Probably Whiskey" Enamel "Coffee" Mug

(The listing really does have "coffee" in quotation marks, ha!)

How Bizarre

One of my high school teachers told us to always ask why with our writing.

Why does this character do what she does?

Why is this political issue so divisive?

Why are poop jokes so darn funny?

Well I may not have answers today, minions, but by golly, I'm going to ask the hard-hitting questions.

Why?

Why?

WHY????

When you love fresh summer corn SO MUCH...

...you're compelled to eat a giant cookie covered in frosting.

Not since Lost have I so intently pondered the significance of a random set of numbers:

That smug "WOW!" is just sitting there, mocking me.

What am I missing?!

What does it meeeeeannnnn?

"So what does Larry like?"

"I dunno, he, um, wears suspenders?"

Or maybe Larry likes a pair of red spotlights pointed heavenward on the horizon of a moonlit ocean view.

'Cuz Larry is deep like that, you guys.

But no, really.

WHY?

Thanks to Caroline P., Suzi B., Jess M., Rachel N., Rose D., Taylor C., Katy, & Jenn B., who I thought would never ask. Which, you know, is why I did.

P.S. -

END BURGER AND HOT DOG SEGREGATION NOW

WHAT IS THIS INJUSTICE?!

Oh wait, I see a hot dog on the burger side.

Never mind.

*****

P.S. Speaking of things that make your head hurt, a friend recently got me this gel cap for my migraines, and sweet icy Stay Puft, y'all, it's amazing:

Migraine Hot/Cold Gel Cap

 I have a huge head and a lot of hair, so it's pretty snug on me, but the extra pressure with the cold is heavenly during a migraine. I used to hold a cold pack and keep shifting it around from side to side, but this wraps my entire skull in a cooling hug. Ahhhh so good.

I keep the gel cap sealed in the fridge all the time now, so I can grab it as soon as a headache starts up. The cold only lasts 15-20 minutes, but it's 1000% worth it in my book, highly recommend.