Peppa Porker

Meet Peppa Pig:

She's the star of a kid's show in Britain, and looks like a toddler's drawing of a pink hairdryer with ears - or an anatomically incorrect gallbladder.

Anyway, people send me pictures of Peppa cakes all the time, mostly because they can't believe this is how she's actually supposed to look:

Well, minus the melty black eyes, I mean.

And the melty, blood-red dress...

Yeeeah.

Anyway, with all these cakes coming in, imagine my delight when someone finally sent me a Peppa wreck that is actually wrecky in a non-melty way.

Not only that, you could say this wreck's a real porker:

Yessir, if you're craving sausage, then these cookies will hit the spot, IF you know what I mean. [wink wink]

See, I'm saying these cookies put the "oinks" in "boinks." [nudge nudge]

I'm saying these cookies take their ham with a side of jelly. [eyebrow waggle]

I'm saying this little piggy went to market, and totally looks like a floppy man-dong.

Oops.

Uh... too much?

Thanks to Belinda B., Jessica H., Jo D., & J-La for the sooieeee(t) finds.

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And because Amazon never fails:

Inflatable Pig Costume

Funnily enough, the Amazon listing actually says this is a Christmas costume.

…

OOHHHH the Christmas Story. Okay, now I get it.

Is There No "Just Us"?

After you see the word "just" written on a cake enough times, you start to ask yourself, "How does this keep happening?"

I don't know. I honestly don't. 

But it still cracks me up.

Sometimes I can't help imagining the conversation:

"What would you like the cake to say?"

"'Happy Birthday.'"

"Anything else?"

"Just 'Happy Birthday.'"

BAM.

(I see "Just Happy Birthday" so often that I'm starting to wonder if bakers think it's a "thing." You know, like Man Showers or Dubstep.)

Then there are the perils of ever thanking your baker:

Not to mention the perils of writing anything out with instructions, really:

And just like that, CC's hysterectomy cake would never be forgotten.

So bakers, remember: when in doubt about a cake, you're always better off writing

nothing

on it than risk getting the order wrong.

No, not "nothing ON IT," I mean just, you know, NOTHING.

You're killing me here.

Ok, what if I tell you to leave the cake blank?

As I suspected:

We're doomed.

Thanks to Ginger E., Anony M., Jenny C., Nathan B., Nicole P., Cristina B., Kristen H., Erica, & Ross E., who know you can't take anything I say literally, because I only speak in similes. LIKE A BOSS.

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