Karen Ordered A Unicorn Cake For Her Daughter's Birthday, And I May Never Recover

Karen asked her bakery to make a cute unicorn cake for her 8-year-old's birthday party, and brought along this picture as a reference:

Now listen, I've seen a LOT of unicorn wrecks in my day, but what Karen picked up from her bakery last week has me SHOOK.

SHOOK I SAY 

Ready?

Here it comes:

SWEET SUGARY STAY PUFT

 OH... migosh.

The longer you look the funnier it gets. Why are there back spines? Where are the legs? Is that hair? Wait, IS THAT AN EYE??

10 seconds in and I can't breath. What a time to be alive.

:D

Big sloppy thanks to Karen S. and her daughter... Qella? Qoila? I don't think that's right, but don't worry; with a cake like that, I promise no one is looking at the writing. (Except to wonder if the giant exclamation mark is a leg.)

 (::head tilt::) 

(No, no, I don't think it is.)

*****

And hey, if you don't want to roll the dice on a cake, there's always this cute unicorn throw!

Fleece Unicorn Blanket

Aw, look at it, with it's recognizable features and legible writing. SO SWEET.

Mermaid To Order

Anna writes, "I spelled it out three times for them over the phone."

See, there's your problem right there, Anna: that you had to spell it in the first place.

This bakery display has really captured the zeitgeist of winter:

That inexplicable feeling when your baker replaces almost all of the Rs on your cake with Cs:

I am so confused cight now, you guys. Foc ceal.

Here's this week's moment of someone-was-paid-to-do-this-like-on-purpose-no-really:

A demented smiley face...

WITH...

...pink sperm on its head!

It's a great day for America, e'erbody.

And last but not least, a tail of beauty:

...and a tail of WHOA:

So sorry, Sarah H. I hope you didn't shell out a lot of clams to make this to scale. :D
(Sea what I did there?)

Thanks to Anna H., Kathryn D., Martin G., Kristi W., Gisele M., & Sarah H. for the "mermaid-to-order" wreckage.