TMI Celebrations

While I agree that no celebration is complete without cake, I also think some celebrations should maybe be a bit more private than others:

Please tell me you invited the in-laws.

Ahhh, that sweet, sweet moment when your wife throws you a surprise Vasectomy Recovery party:

I hear if you buy two they throw in the bag of frozen peas for free.

(OH YES I DID.)

I looked it up. It really is a thing. So I have two questions: who are you getting this cake for, and how will that not end badly for you?

Of course, nothing will lead to a round of denials as much as this:

C'mon. Does anyone ever admit to watching this show?

But for the ultimate "I-just-learned-something-I-never-wanted-to-know-about-you" dessert, we have this:

So many puns, so few of them safe for work...

Let's all give a hand to Heather M., Alison K., Laura W., Helen J., & Nicole A. for today's wrecks.

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Funny story about that last cake: it was commissioned by none other than Mr. Bill Murray during the filming of Moonrise Kingdom as a joke for one of the guys working on set. (Cameron was turning 21.) Nicole worked craft services for the movie, and was responsible for fetching the cake from a local bakery. She tells me Murray also insisted on taking Cameron out for his first drink, and was fantastic to the whole crew, and I am insanely jealous of all of them. :)

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 4

Too often I've been accused of making you readers hungry with my steady parade of candy-coated misspellings and butchered bakery goods.

Well, NO MORE!

Or at least not for today.

Here, I'll ease you in slowly, in case you're mid coffee-sip:

This is your spleen...or possibly a giant tumor...on cupcakes.

 Any questions?

I've been told there are no accidents in life; only learning experiences.  If that's true, then we're all about to learn something very important:

Some bakers get sick if you feed them too many mini-marshmallows.

Also, we're not hungry. No, none of us. Now go away. Shoo.

Before you ask, this "cake" was being served at a buffet restaurant, and no, that's not mold:

It just looks like mold. Thereby saving the establishment literally dozens of dollars in their dessert budget, I'm sure. (Reminds me of the restaurant with candy sprinkles on their sushi rolls. Hey... do you think it's the same place?)

I'm not really sure what's happening in there, but it's a safe bet you're not getting your little plastic purse back.

The tag on this next one says, "Freshly made in store by our bakers."

And thank goodness for that! There's just nothing worse than stale vomit from some factory, am I right?

Also...are those...olives?  (Deep breaths, Jen...deep...breaths...)

Baker by day, retirement-center barber by night?

EWWWWWWW.

Ok, I just made MYSELF gag. Urg. And no, I don't know what the "hair" is really. Let's just try not to think about it too hard, okay?

Hey, now, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

 Ah, well, don't worry. Someone'll just stick that on the clearance rack later.

You know, once it cools.

Thanks to  Rob A., Emily F., Dani S., Andrea & Anne Marie, Mim & Vince, Lisa D., & Regina G. for the uplifting chucking experience. Who's hungry now, bee-yotches? HUH?

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For some reason this post is just calling out for butt-themed home decor, don't you agree?

2-Sided Bathroom Decor Box

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And from my other blog, Epbot: