The Gift Of Encouragement

I remember the first time I told my Mom the publisher wanted me to go on a book tour for Cake Wrecks. She responded by telling me about an author she'd seen at a big warehouse store the previous weekend, sitting alone behind a card table and looking desperate.

"I just don't want that for you," she said.

...

Motherly concern aside, you could say my mom has a real gift for encouragement.

Kind of like these people:

"Oh, and happy engagement. I guess."

This is your moment. Enjoy it.

Q: What do you get the birthday girl who's allergic to birthday cake?

A: A birthday cake with an apology. ("More cake for us! Woot!")

As we get older, we look for signs from our loved ones that age is really just a number, it's about staying young at heart, etc, etc.

"Well, sure, NOW I am."

And there's nothing quite so encouraging as ill-concealed shock at your personal accomplishments:

"We had you guys pegged at two years, tops. Wow!"

And finally:

"Note that we haven't expressed any sadness over this fact, or stated whether Kyle is happy regarding his imminent departure. However, the fact that we're having cake would seem to indicate a celebration of Kyle's coming absence."

"Wow, you got all that from four words?!"

"No, I'm reading the card."

Thanks to Edmund H., Rachael G., Kim K., Sarah C., G.D., & Kyle C. for the encouraging words.

*****

Oh hey, this seems like a good time to remind you this exists:

Cake Wrecks, THE BOOK

It's totes hilarz, and I don't say things like "totes hilarz" in it even once.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

"Perfectly" Punctual

Yesterday we covered parentheses and quotation marks. Today, THE WORLD.

Or maybe just some extra apostrophes:

This Beth belongs to Congratutation.

The booties are anyone's guess.

 I see lots of apostrophes where quotation marks should be, but I have to admit, this is the first time I've seen it the other way around:

I blame whatever madness drove the baker to add that L.

You might think periods would be easy to deal with, but if so, you're obviously a man with a death wish.

Or this baker:

I don't really know who St. David is, but I'm hoping against hope he's the patron saint of punctuation.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the three period run, or if you want to get all technical about it, the ellipsis:

Because nothing conveys sincerity quite like trailing off mid...

 With all these confusing options, you might be tempted to skip punctuation entirely, bakers. But that path has its own perils:

Yeah, way to go, Bob. I mean, that was soooo great, that thing you did. Scha.

 My personal favorite, though, is the wild card mish-mosh of punctuation patter:

I dare you to do a dramatic reading of this cake.

 And finally, the colon cake you've been waiting for:

Come back after we slice it for the semi-colons.

Thanks to Elizabeth C., Miriam A., Doreen L., Ariel F., Sarah C., Gernez, & Kim T. for the excuse to link to Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation.