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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Oct252008

Great White Snark's Top 5 Awful Dalek Cakes

One of the few blogs I keep up with these days is Great White Snark, a geek entertainment blog. Since Mike of GWS seems to enjoy skewering sci-fi cake wrecks there from time to time, I invited him to share the snark with us over here on Wrecks. I also (rather selfishly) suggested he do a feature on Dalek cakes, since I was raised a proper Doctor Who fan and love to stay in touch with my geek roots. (If that last sentence made no sense to you, then you're just going to have to bear with the rest of us geeks for today's post. Sorry.)

Now, Mike doesn't usually concern himself with our "professional-only" rule, but for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question - just so you can have all the guilt-free chuckles you like. So, enjoy!

In cakery--as in many things--good intentions and earnestness can only get you so far. And then you need good looks. Right? Imagine a world where Ross Perot has his own reality dating show on Fox and then tell me I'm wrong.

So when I swing a callous word or ten at these cakes based on the, uh... "likeness" of Daleks (mechanical mutant aliens) from the BBC TV series Dr. Who, remember that I'm a shallow, shallow man fixated merely on appearances. My words do not reflect upon the care, goodwill, and love that went into these cakes.

(Although, for my money, "love" means giving someone at least a halfway-decent-looking cake. C'mon, people.)

For the record, this is what an actual, honest-to-goodness Dalek looks like, for you non-adherents of esoteric British sci-fi TV shows:

And now... won't you join me in my callousness? (Or in my shallowness. Reader's choice.)

5)


This bloated bastard is the Dalek cake that ate the Dalek cake that had been recently chastised by its doctor for its dangerously unhealthy weight gain.

4)


Kind of a sad little guy, isn't he? I look at this and think, "The perfect 40th birthday cake for the man who's given up on his dreams."


This started down the road for "Dalek cake," but took an unexpected detour at "Nah, let's just cover a banana with whipped cream and stick some chocolate balls on it, because I've got a wicked case of the munchies after that bong hit I just had."

2)

Source, inspired by: 1 and 2

I'm sad to report this Dalek looked perfectly respectable before an ugly incident with an angry, runaway microwave.


Is it just me, or does the top half of this "Dalek" remind you of the giant, asteroid-dwelling creature from The Empire Strikes Back that tried to eat the Millennium Falcon?

Bad space snake. Bad.

Find more awful geeky cakes (and awesome geeky cakes!) at Great White Snark.

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Reader Comments (93)

umm.Destroy all humans? *Can't remember if that what they said or not*
I knew someone who was a fan of that show.I dont think I'd show these to them.I'd feel bad for makeing them cry.
And now that I look at the actual dalek.That could have easly been duplicated useing melted chocolate,poured into a pan,set in the fridge for a few hours,cut into shapes,then stuck together with more melted chocolate.
Damn I wanna try that now...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter84

Where do I begin? I know what a Dalek looks like and none of these are it!
4)Looks like a cannibal or at the very least, one of Survivor's immunity idols
3) Is that a pickle on the right side?
2)Microwave cakes never work.
1) Rather upturned peanut-butter jar-ish, isn't it?

Bring on more, I say!

Kat

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPoetikat

All I can think of to say is, "Holy Crap." Hysterical.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky B

I think Number 4 is the best likeness.

Maybe number 1 was trying to do Davros. In buttercream.

You know, buttercream is hard to sculpt...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

Exterminate! Exterminate!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I absolutely love both Cake Wrecks and Great White Snark, enough that you're both in my sidebar for daily clicking purposes. You guys have just brought me to a Saturday morning of geek-tastic joy. Thank you thank you thank you!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVoix

You are not the only one who first thought about The Empire Srikes Back when seeing the last one >_< One could actually say it was intented to be an asteroid worm and I wouldn't doubt at all.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFanni

I've pondered how I could do a decent Dalek cake... the basic answer is that it would be really hard. I've seen a couple of gorgeous professional cakes done, but most of the amateur cakes look... well, about like what you saw above.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGaia Iulia

Holy cow, the last one looks like a post-digested peep that's coming to exact revenge. *shudders*

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTobias

Hilarious! I like nerdy cakes, myself, and can imagine doing a dalek or R2D2 at some point. But not if they come out that badly!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwrittenwyrdd

More proof that Daleks have no sense of elegance . . . but can be funny as heck! :D

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdameruth

The last one is most definitely a space snake from Star Wars...love it!!!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

*falls over laughing* Sharing with all my nerd and geek friends, yes sir! Poor mutilated Daleks...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKenya Starflight

Hooray for Dr. Who! (and also hooray for the sci-fi channel showing season 4 on fridays! because i am deprived of the bbc :( )

But... those cakes are rather sad. I think I'd be okay with getting 4 or 2.. but the rest? I don't care what you're trying to make, those cakes are a crime against humanity!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSleep Goblin

Thanks for the huge laugh this morning! I only know of Dr. Who from my father watching it when I was a child. I wasn't even familiar with this character and even I could appreciate these hilarious "look a likes". So funny. I just think they look like pieces of giant poop (can I say that)gone very wrong.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

LMAO those cakes need to be exterminated.

Bring on the TARDIS cakewrecks!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMK

The whipped creme covered monstrosity looks like he's got a bloody eyeball protruding on it's stalk, his mouth is open in a silent scream, and he must know THe End Is Near.
Never did get into Dr. Who.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those are just so sad! Mostly they look like no other thought other than "hey lets make a dalek cake" went into it.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHunnybee

As a trained pastry chef (went to school and everything) and a devoted Doctor Who fan, these cakes are doubly bad, which makes this post doubly awesome.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Number 2, (since you were counting backwards) looks like a gay dalek with all it's pretty colored lights (m&m's) and such.
I was a bit relieved to see they weren't supposed to be professional cakes.
I don't think anyone would have been able to guess what they were really supposed to be unless they were told.
Funny, I thought I was the only one who knew about Dr. Who (the original) LOL!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrrr

putting a lot of stuff on top of each other doen't equal cake or decoration

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMella

I laughed! I'm a Dr. Who fan and this post cracks me up. Thanks so much.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMa Val

To you good folks who commented on just how very hilarious this post is:

You are attractive and savvy people who will go far in life. Fact.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGreat White Snark

Who the hell knew Dalek cakes were so popular?

Sadly...I am one of those closet geeks that knows exactly what a Dalek is...although, I would not make that public by going all cakey like that...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

Eek! Exterminate! Destroy the Dalek impostors!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

Exterminate! Exterminate!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Know It All

I love daleks! I bought a dalek cake from Sainsbury's not so long ago. Very pretty thing, although it was extremely dry so we really don't eat it. It just takes up space in our fridge.

Anyway, the last cake seriously just looks like poop. Space poop.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEll

hmm, maybe these cake wreckers were as traumatized as I was by the scary bits when I was a wee kidlet and my big brother watched Dr Who religiously every Saturday night, and this is how he or she is exacting revenge or exorcising bad memories.

Ex-ter-min-ate!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkitchenrefugee

Is it bad that I saw this and immediately wanted a Dalek cake that shows the inside of the Dalek casing? Because *that* wouldn't be gross or anything.

Hilarious post!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPeppermintKiwi

Exterminate! Exterminate! Those faux Daleks must be exterminated!

Now I'm off to discover the Greek White Snark...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOmegaMom

Does that last one look like Cookie Monster dressed in chocolate for Halloween to anyone else?

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlisonH

You will obey, obey, obey. You will obey.
Lifelong Dr. Who fan here!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDarth Rob

I swear that one was really not a cake but mashed potatoes and olives.

And that pretzel, just a little too phallic.

The last one was too much like a stuffed rodent.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

alisonh, I was going to say that it looked like a sad sock puppet.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLhyzz

How fantastic!!! And now I have a new blog to stalk!!

For the true Doctor Who fans... my hubby is a sci fi geek, big Dr Who fan... our daughter's name is Teagan.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

As if I didn't love this blog already...you're a fellow Whovian!

Wow though...I wouldn't even have realized some of those were meant to be Daleks. That was just SAD. I'd hate to see their interpretations of the sonic screwdriver.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFoxTrottinKate

Who decided that a Dalek would be a good model for a cake, anyway? People! Stay away from the 3-D cake creations, unless you're a licensed professional!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGayle Carline

Those are so bad. I would love to see a good one, if there is one out there.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterclara

ahahaha, I love the Missed Marks cakes...fantastic!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternc

this was an excellent guest post...long live the great white snark!

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterevil cake lady

Yaaaaaaay Dalek cakes! This made my day.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

[major Who nerd]Is anyone else reminded of The Happiness Patrol? All this candy abuse...[/major Who nerd]

*ahem* Anyway, I recently discovered this place and am absolutely loving it. And thank you, GWS, for doing this feature.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm curious to find out from the submitters of 4) and 3) what they used for decorations on the cakes?

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKara

I've always thought the Daleks were pretty funny looking anyway... come on, with the plunger on top and the cake beater arms??! :-)
But to me, most of these efforts look more like Mr. Hankey...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

Goggle fraking damnit...
I'm going to have to make a dalek cake.Or at least a dalek version of those chocolate rabbits you can buy at easter.Its been bugging me all day.I can't stop thinking about how to make it,what to use,and where the hell I would put the damn thing after it was made.
I don't even watch the show...

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter84

great. now I have to poop.

October 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Number 5 would be a lot uglier to me if it didn't appear to be covered in peanut butter cups, which I love.

October 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTB Tabby

im sorry.
that last one, looks like a pile of horse poo, maybe cow.
if you're lucky.
poor dalek really has taken a beating.

xo millie
www.crooked.blogspot.com

October 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrainbow.rock

THANK YOU FOR YOUR BLOG DEAR

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October 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterqlooop

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