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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec192008

When Gangsters Go "PC"

"Bugsy, whaddaya doin'?"

"Just decoratin' this here Christmas cake, boss."

"Bugsy, you can't write "Christmas" there - it's gonna offend somebody! An' don't call me 'boss'."

"Sorry, boss. Can I write 'happy holidays'?"

"Nah, dat'll offend people who don't celebrate no holidays."

"Can I just use red and green icin' and not write nuthin'?"

"Bugsy, ya knucklehead, think about it: red and green say 'Christmas', see? S'no good. Use a lotta blue - but not blue and white, mind, 'cause dat's all Hanukkah-like. Maybe try blue and poiple."

"Yeah, but what do I write, boss?"

"I dunno; Lil' Antony said it's just gotta be 'completely non-offensive-like, says nuthin' of substance, and don't reference no holidays.' Oh, and it can't start wit' 'happy' or 'merry', neither - people might think we're forcing our 'emotional views' on 'em, whatever da heck dat means."

[sigh] "Ok, boss."

"Don't call me 'boss'."

Wow, Tanya C., I'm getting filled with the holiday spirit just looking at this. I think the underline really sells it, don't you?

« Ye Olde Yuletide Ax | Main | Cheery O's »

Reader Comments (194)

"Dear Santa:

As the days grow shorter and the nights colder, a correctness has settled upon our land. All of our traditions are questioned; our values, weighed and measured against the newer world's orders that everyone should be treated exactly equal, and not be put in a position of disproportionately feeling any better or worse than anyone else. Eventually, all that's not feelings-neutral will be discarded for new, happy, shiny memes. Santa, there's just no place left for you in our new world.

I won't be leaving milk and cookies for you this year. I bought you a http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i294/serr8d/photochops/MerryWinter.jpg" REL="nofollow">cake instead.

Merry Winter!"

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSerr8d

Ha! Funny commentary as always. It does make me wonder though... If next year there's a cake that says "Spring" with a weird little flower on it, will it be a normal cake wreck or will it be the beginning of a War on Easter?

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

HOLY COW!!!
You are a bright spot in my day!!!!!

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh. My. God. That cake is too much. I am 100% sure the conversation went down as you transcribed.

Man... I laughed so hard my eyes are watering.

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterL

Clearly Santa has his hands up asking "WTF is up with my thighs?"

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The snowman is just setting decorators up for failure. Clearly snowman do not have legs or arms of that sort.

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the conversation piece you put before the picture really sounds exactly like what happened in the development process for this... creation.

December 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstuckonsushi

I think the writers of "Oscar" have a case for copy-right violation...

December 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why do you hate Italians and Blacks?

December 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anonymouse 5:56AM, why do you look for hate where no hate exists?

Project, much?

December 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSerr8d

It's a bleak, bleak winter.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The thing is, I was just happy to see he spelled the word correctly.

I was expecting "Wintuh"

That snowman could have used a friend, maybe a deer or something? If only the brown frosting hadn't all been used up...

Word Verification: Lingso = it's pig latin, right?

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelleV

who said minimalism was dead?

January 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersolvency ii

Did anyone else notice that a couple of those cupcakes have fallen over in the box?

Clearly this place takes great pride in their products.

February 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMolly P

I love so much about this post... but mostly for the Oscar reference!! :)

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna

I am offended. It doesn't snow enough down here to make snowmen.

I'm going to sue.

June 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKerri

Best. Post. Ever. I mean...nice poiple, boss.

WV; calne. Call me, too.

July 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterisabellerogers

@Gretchen said...
why is there a snowman in the middle of the dessert?

Actually, the snowman is in the lower left-hand corner of the dessert.

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

I recognize that dialogue... Oscar is my favorite movie ever. Nice!

October 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Has everyone else noticed the huge gap where there is absolutely nothing? What are they intending to do with the brown space?

October 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRicebubbles

This is set up astonishingly like a first-grader's drawing. The only thing missing is the smiling sun in the top right corner.
Regarding the persistent brown, really now, dirt's a pretty much universal background, no? And how do you expect a decorator to make a white snowman show up against a white background? Remember, they're operating on a first-grade level. Things like outlining or horizon lines don't occur to them. Cut some slack ;D

wv: "forivat" "I-ah deed all of zees vurk on my cake--and forivat? No one et eet."

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

I wish it ended with a period. Winter.

October 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYevah

I get it! It's the color of salted/sanded snow on the sides of the road during winter time! Genius!

October 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeftFieldMatty

Loved the Oscar movie references!! Thanks!

November 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny G.

I think that this might offend those who don't like snow or winter... I think we should just go with a plain cookie, or and it has to be sugar free, with no artificial ingredients... and non-dairy...

December 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeggieT

Even THAT would offend people. What about those who love frosting or hate cake? Or those who don't have winter or those who have snow? You can't please everyone. The only type of cake that would not offend people would be no cake, and even THAT would offend people who want cake!

December 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSomebody somewhere quietly

Is the post from Angela a joke?! haha!

March 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhannah

Really? A Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder cake ? Really??
Tif

March 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just bought your book and may I say that the Goodfellas would have been in good company here. While I haven't had a chance to really search your old posts yet, this one has proven to be my favorite thus far.

After all, who can't see Robert De Niro in a chef hat and apron with the Godfather logo on the front with his hands on his hips saying, "You eat dat or you gonna get an offer you wanna refuse."

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

@LaLa27

As someone who lived in North Carolina during the 2001 ice storm (from which we had an 8-foot drift of snow in our backyard) and the 2009 Oklahoma winter storm (4-5 feet of snow outside my apartment building), I have to roll my eyes. Oh no, we neeeeeever get snow below the Mason-Dixon! Ugh. Really, are Northerners as ignorant as you so often portray yourselves?

June 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If I may make a suggestion: Y'all need to make some Winter-underlined Greeting Cards. I'll even design it for you:
*ahem* Standard card, brown background, snowman in lower left corner, blue and purple trim, Winter (underlined) in the top 3/4. Blank inside.

You're welcome.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSpacegeek Nat

I think I like your blog, but then again I am constantly accused of having no taste!

October 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve Ballmer

That is a serious "COME'ON MAN" moment. I'm offended because there was a snow man but not a snow woman on the cake

January 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHappy Winter

Holy crap. I was supposed to be productive today, but I can't pull myself away from this website! I am having trouble seeing through my tears of laughter trying to type this! God, I haven't laughed this much in years! LORDY!

May 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That is such a sad commentary about today's society. Guess what? Merry Christmas! Whether you like it or not, it is still Christmas and even if you spend it alone in your bathrobe reading Atheist A..hole Monthly, I hope you have a good time doin it. So there! :p

November 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah R.

hahahhaha -- heeheeheehehee I'll be laughing about this for days hehahahaheehaa

November 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTonia

Resolute snowman
grins beneath the underline.
Winter upon thee.

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

it looks like a snowman, in the middle of the desert. ran out of white icing i see.

January 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

It's minimalist. I like it, although the underline is a bit much.

February 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Homestuck fan stumbling upon this many years later; "Why is Kankri Vantas teaching the Midnight Crew to bake?" (http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Kankri_Vantas)

April 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterchelonianmobile

OMG!!!! Your webpage is so hilarious!!!! I am truly ROFLOL! I can't see through the tears and my throat is closing up on me! Link your friends here if they are having a bad day...it will definitely change their day!

April 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Political Correctness will be the end of everything we know and love, you realize this don't you? It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so dang pathetic.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCharlie

Winter?! Wow... I'm getting all warm and fuzzy inside just looking at it.

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterColorPop17

But that will offend people who live in Mexico!

December 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterperson

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