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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Every Breath You Take...

This was ordered by a medical center to celebrate their Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists (CRNAs, see?). The bakery no doubt felt very clever outfitting the nurses with giant mallets in addition to the needles ("the better to knock you out with, my dear"), but when you couple those with the stalker-ific inscription:

"Every heartbeat...
Every breath...
Every second...
We'll be watching."

...the creepiness factor pretty much goes off the hilarity scale.

Submitter Anony M. would also like me to point out the giant crack down the middle where the two cakes were cemented together, the black and yellow icing bleeding into each other, and the fact that this cost $150. That may all be true, Anony, but in my mind any cake that lets me reference old Police songs is well worth someone else's hard-earned money.

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Reader Comments (150)

I totally thought they were dwarves/elves/gnomes, as well. Even after I read it was to honor nurses, I still didn't see scrubs, I saw dwarves. It wasn't until you said you loved that they'd given the nurses mallets that the lightbulb went on. Is that my fault? Or the decorator's?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlyson

I too thought it was a saint patrick's day cake...lots and lots of green.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJustfrosting

Black and yellow icing make disgusting bedfellows... Sorry Steeler fans ;)

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Chic Cakery

I must continue...I guess the line down the middle is to glue two sheet cakes together. NICE. and what the heck it up with the border.

Should have cost $1.50. That is a terrible cake.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Every breath you take....we'll smash you with a mallet.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBaking and Mistaking

I thought it was an open book about leprachauns! it just needed some four leaf clovers and it would celebrate Paddy's day!
I don't think it would keep until then though because the boarder is already looking past it's use by date!
How do these people make a living?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Wish they'd been watching me when I quit breathing...but was still conscious...during my gall bladder surgery. 'Cause THAT's what it reminds ME of.

Umm...I'd like to order the mallet next time?

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAbbie Nelson

Am I the only one who thought, "Finally, a Zelda-themed Wreck!"

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterL. Simpson

Don't you hate when your nurses come in with mallets?

"Oh begorrah! Hey O'Malley, go grab me mallet, Mrs. Johnson won't go to sleep. While you're at it, grab me a pint, too!"

Why not throw in some pink elephants too? Because the cake wreckerator must have been inebriated.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCELESTEJOHNSON

At first I thought they were leprechauns drinking from huge beer mugs but on closer examination I see that they are leprechauns drinking from huge beer mugs while holding tiny collapsed umbrellas...

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Every breath you take...every move you make...every single day, every word you say--GIANT MALLETS!!!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApril

A little off-topic, but "Certified" "Registered" Nurse Anesthetists? Isn't that title-riffic overkill?

CRNAs, step right up and receive your Certificate of Redundancy Certficates!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

I thought they were elves holding signs. Or dentists. Equally as creepy.

WV: Prook; pretty spooky. This cake is prooky.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobynNewt

People, people, people, if this is a full sheet cake, and it looks as though it might be, that serves 108 servings. $150 divided by 108 = $1.38ish per serving. That's NOTHING, any custom cake decorator worth their salt charges at least $3.00 per serving. Now, I'm not saying this is an excellent example of custom cake work, but at $1.38 per serving, you get what you pay for!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrudi

Okay....I thought it was cool. Not $150 worth of cool, but still. Yes, at first glance I thought 'Leprechauns?' but once you look at it you can see the scrubs.

Also, I totally thought the idea of anesthegologists (sp?) with mallets was hilarious.

This is definitely not the worst Wreck here. The characters are kinda cute, the lettering is neat enough. On the whole it was poorly done, but not catastrophic.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

LOL! Working in a hospital I thought this was pretty hilarious. Anesthetists have a rep for being kinda quiet and reserved. Who would of thought they have a deliciously wicked sense of humor? Love the mallets!!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauriebeth

Leprechauns was my first thought, but with needles? "You'll NEVER find my pot of gold, NOW!"~~> bwahaha! $150.00 is really what they paid? WTF? highway robbery!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

I think the bleeding icing is very appropriate for this particular cake.

Totally creepy and I kind of want to order it for my sister's birthday.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLildonbro

This is what happens when you don't have insurance. Insurance would've written off $148.62 and the cake would've really cost $1.38. Oh well.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdebit13

And I thought this was a cake to celebrate the newest shape of Lucky Charms... Hearts, Stars, Rainbows, 4-leaf Clovers, Horseshoes, and MALLETS!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervoxwoman

Leprechauns and Elves and Striking Gnomes...

Oh My?

I wouldn't mess with nurses with syringes (or mallets) for a cake this wrecked I'd give it away for free!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeagan

As a nurse I think this is hilarious! I don't love the cake, but I love the posting.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKateri

$150 for a heinous brown, black, yellow, green & white cake with Notre Dame mascots? It had better be half the size of my dining room table for that price.

Anyone notice the tri-colored writing palette? The "be" is in black. Fail.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Wow! $150.00 for that!!!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergigi

You know, when the song was popular, we used to add our own doggerel to it, including "Every leaf you rake," "Every corn you flake," and of course "EVERY CAKE YOU BAKE!"

If you squint a little, the one on the left even looks kinda like Sting in the bleach-blond days.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramelia-eve

I'm another one that thought it had something to do with St. Patty's Day.

The fact that those are nurses is VERY creepy. I guess they were going for the "knock the patient out" with the mallets???


January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDouble A Training

What would possess them to make green scrubs and blue booties?

I guess it goes along with the whole stalker theme of standing out with hammer and needle for every breath you take.... every move you make... every bond you break every step you take... they'll a be a watchin' you!


January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOats

No no, $150 was what they "normally" charge. I'm sure their insurance was only billed $47.59.

Or maybe they got the money up front.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

$150??? Tell me you're joking.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I refuse to believe someone actually paid $150 for this. Or that someone in their right mind would charge $150 for a SHEETCAKE. That's right, I'm calling shenanigans on Anony M! Stop lying! ;)

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Whenever I have to wake up from anesthesia my head hurts so badly that I *wish* someone would hit me with a mallet. That said, I feel bad about this one - it looks like someone worked so hard and stretched his creativity so far, then screwed up so much. I'd tell the wreckerator to keep taking risks until someone appreciates his art, but first he needs to practice smoothing out his foundation layer and study the color wheel.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

It looks like someone frosted a piece of cardboard, right down to the fold in the center. If a flattened cardboard box is what you're going this bakery.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCara

I thought it was a St. Patrick's day cake. Yikes!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmmie

Wow, seems it was a good idea in someone's mind, but didn't translate well. I was figuring the green uniforms might be that hospital's dress code for CRNAs (like the OR staff at the hospital where I work wear blue-green scrubs). And the words make sense, though putting them in a way that resembles a Police rip-off is hilarious.

And WTF? $150 for that? Seriously, that hospital needs to spend its money better. Ouch.

WF: skerof. The price of the cake makes me skerof that hospital's Admin staff.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Why mallets? Why? WHYYYYY??????

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Cobbs

Aaron, I think "Registered Nurse" is generally a title in and of itself so you can tell your RNs from your LVNs. Therefore, they would need to be separately certified to hit people with mallets. (it's a special nine week training *nods*)

"You there...cake or death?"

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie again

$150! I am obviously in the wrong business. Forget the fact that I have no talent for cake decorating. That obviously isn't a requirement!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that the mallets look like pillows?

Like maybe they're going to smother some patients with them....

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterQuixotic Healer

Definitely Keebler elves right there.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At least I'm not the only one who read the caption and thought, "Nurses? I thought they were leprechauns..."

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlassgrrl Studios

I thought they had green beards! ROFL

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAuntyM

I thought they were beer-guzzling leprechauns too! And I thought CRNA was some Irish holiday, misspelled of course.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my, why do people pay for these things? Oh yeah, because we're too lazy to make our own cakes!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLazy Mom Leslie

I really liked the little people in scrubs. They were cute. I think it's pretty close to Hospital-issue green, actually.

The rest of the cake, yeah, wrecktastic.

Aaron, they are called CRNAs because they are also Registered Nurses. The title needs to have the designation "Registered" Nurse to differentiate it from a "Pratical" nurse, aka "Vocational" nurse.

So yeah, it appears redundant, but there's a method to the madness.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

The "mallets" are supposed to be surgical lights.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is seriously disturbing. And what's up with the black and yellow frosting trim? Gag!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan's Scribbles

Bonnie and Alaina: Your comments made me laugh harder than the original caption!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCari

Come on! Those mallets surely eek this one out of "wreck" status. That's funny!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterb

OMG, I don't know what's scarier: the cake or the price!! I wonder why some people are allowed to be called "professional"!! LOL!!

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered

Aah! Horrifying! Unsanitary!

WHY is that woman's hair not under her scrub cap?!

Otherwise, hilarious cake, and my CRNA father agrees.

January 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna T

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