My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Long Shot

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.


Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]


What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!


Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)

« "So Funny" In Bold, with Exclamation Mark | Main | Tour Wreck - UPDATE »

Reader Comments (547)

sending you good wished and prayers. Get well soon and get the hell out of Texas.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermissyme

I know I'm just one of hundreds (thousands?) of faceless, anonymous followers, but I really hope John gets well soon. It's horrible that all that happened at once.

Anyway, from one of your loyal Australian followers, GET WELL SOON!

I'd send a get-well cake, but, well.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

My thoughts are with you both for a quick and full recovery.

Hello Jen,

A little while ago, I posted a comment on one of the Cake Wreck entries - just a quick little throwaway remark (or so I thought). John sent a lovely reply, telling me that I had written so beautifully and that I should really look into being an author. I was having a bad day that particular day and had logged on to get a hearty dose of wreckitude that always guarantees a smile - and John's little reply really galvanised me into pulling my socks up and dusting off a few tucked away dreams.

Anyway. I'm really sorry to hear the news that John's not well. I'm not the praying type but you and John are in my thoughts and I'm certainly sending some get well soon vibes from across the pond.

I spent some time in Dallas in the early 1990s and my main recollections were: chicken-fried steak (what's *that* about?!), Shiner beer, women with *really* big hair, being picked up by the police because I went for a walk to the lake near where I was living (they were incredulous that I wasn't driving - but then when they heard me speak said: "Oh! You're a *BRIT*!" ) and people stopping me in the street to hear my accent . . .

I hope you're both home safe in your own beds very soon. Hugs to you and John.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJO UK

Oh, and for a bit of amusement and to remind you Yanks of what the British health service is like (I know you're all loving that topic at the moment :-P ) take a look at:

which you may possibly find an interesting diversion whilst you're out of action . . .


October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJo UK

Aw I'm so sorry to hear John is not doing well! May he get well soon and continue contributing the odd snarky remark to this wonderful blog!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterACM

So sorry for John's illness.

Hope he recovers fast and well.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSherry Thomas

*Hugs and prayers sent* I'd send a CCC but that might make it worse. I hope everything goes ok.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlaze

Five hundredth!

Sorry. I just saw that there were 499 comments and I wanted to be the 500th.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor


I sincerely hope John gets better.

I was a bit sad you couldn't come to Austin, but you made up for it with this post. Hook 'Em Horns!

My thoughts are with you. Update us on his status!! I don't like the sound of 'critical condition.' :(

from Austin, TX

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. The ICU? Jon, get better real soon! We're sending positive thoughts your way!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterT.

Good grief! I hope John is better soon and you both make a full recovery. Since you requested jokes, I've only got one very bad one:
Once upon a time a quiet, conservative man owned a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird's foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too much.

The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard, and yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he started swearing even more.

The guy really got fed up and said, "OK for you" and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the parrot who continued to claw and scratch inside the cabinet while he cursed even louder than before!

At this point the guy became so mad that he threw the parrot in the freezer! For the first few seconds the bird started swearing again at the top of his lungs. He kicked and clawed and thrashed.

Then suddenly the parrot was VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited. Then he started to think that the bird might be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbed on the man's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, Sir, what did the chicken do?

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTiffani

Praying for your full recovery.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTara B Cowtown Canada

oh no! get well soon John!!!!


October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDuchess Doro

OK - well the first looked like a pair of panties made of cupcakes ... and I don't think I want to go any further with that thought. The second, an illustration from a biology textbook on human female anatonmy of the nether regions. Yers. It might be because I'm English but I'm getting nothing.

Also, glad to hear John is recovering and feeling better. You are being light-hearted about it in your posts but it doesn't sound too funny. Best wishes.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermaxon

That first one looks like it's supposed to be a uterus. Or maybe I've been to my OB/GYN too often lately (it all comes of being 39 weeks pg)- there's not a lot to look at on the walls of the exam rooms.

So glad to hear that John's out of ICU now and feeling a little better. I'll still pray for his complete recovery! Where in the world did the head injury come from?

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCindy in GA

I hope you both don't harbor bad feelings for Texas after this. I will pray that both of you get well soon. When your both feeling A LOT better hit Rudy's BBQ before you leave the great state of Texas.

Why does a Mermaid wear Seashells?

Because she can't fit into b-shells or d-shells.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTobi

Oh man! That sucks! best wishes to you two guys!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy Ovaries!

I am sure its been said but those horns look like the horns of fallopian tubes. The second one could actually be in a medical text book.

ps- tell your man to stop faking it.

jk- feel better.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCapeDressage

Aww! I am so glad to see that my shirt inspired today's post. You promised me mangled Longhorns and they are truly dreadful! However, I am surprised you didn't reference the hideous CCC* factor of the first one.

Technical difficulties and not having Jon aside, it was wonderful to see you in Plano. I am glad to know that he is improving.

*Just writing that triggered my gag-reflex.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIt means Grace

I thought the first Longhorn cake was bikini underwear!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Prayers and blessings speed your way!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, so I don't know a whole lot about sports, and someone else has probably mentioned this already what with 500 comments ahead of me, but you're not in Lubbock, you're in Dallas. Luckily, they have decent medical facilities in Dallas as well as Lubbock. Tell him to get well soon.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersiltedrepose

That first one looks like underwear and the second a flame-broiled uterus. WTH are they doing with those cows in TX?

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRocket Ma'am

GAH! I hope ya'll will recover fast! *prays*

As for these *ahem* interesting cakes... 1st one reminded me of panties... 2nd one was more "WTH?" the 3rd one with the strawberries and bullets was gross, that's just not sanitary. Food and ammo should never mesh.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkristen

Oh wow, I thought that first cake was Santa's underwear. No joke!

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmarie

Looks like Planned Parenthood got a hold of another one....

Word verification: culechu: I culechu see some more uterus cakes, but then John would REAlly be sick

October 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnacakes79

Should I be a little concerned that I knew what the second cake was without scrolling down to the real Longhorn image? I mean, I live in Dallas but damn.

October 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Well, the University of Texas' official color is burnt orange. I think that explains the charred orange longhorn.

October 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WOW! I truly thought that first longhorn was some fancy lingerie underwear, you can imagine the places I guessed you were.

P.S. When are you guys going to be judges for Food Network's challenge? Seriously talk to your agent.

October 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM.J.

On your next tour, come to Page, AZ. Beautiful Lake Powell is here too!

Savannah C.

October 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbuzzy

Did nobody notice the double T's on the strawberries? That's the Texas Tech logo and although it's kind of strange, as a Tech student it's actually kind of cool.

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAdam TTU

Well, where do I start.. The Texas Tech cake was OUR groom's cake, and yes, it was definitely a wreck if I've ever seen one. I would like personally to thank our bakery for delivering this masterpiece to our reception! I agree with all the the heck do you get Texas backwards, especially if you LIVE IN TEXAS??? And we are also curious to know who took this photo and how it ended up on Luckily we can all laugh now at what a total disaster this cake turned out to be!

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

UT's colors are "burnt orange" it looks like the baker literally burnt the orange, making this cake funnier than it may first seem.

October 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick R. Gibbons

Longhorns are the sworn enemies of us Aggies at the college down the road. That first cake makes me weep with joy.

November 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTwelve

The strawberry cake is for the Saxet gunshow. Since the name is Texas spelled backwards the logo is a backwards Texas. Hence the backwards Texas and shotgun shells.

December 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought the first cake was underwear ...
Best wishes for John's recovery from your Canadian fans.

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i agree with scott. the first one looks like a pair of pants, the second one looks like a uterus......

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lifting up many prayers for John and you! I hope he is on the mend soon!

May 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter*~D~*

See, I thought that looked like a thong!

Almost 8 months later, I hope he's better.

May 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Estrogen Files

That top one looks like a pair of lacy panties. I thought maybe it was for a bachelor party or something lol.

June 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMandy9r

Well, this wreck was from almost a year ago but I wanted to comment on a possible explanation for the backwards Texas. There is an annual gun show down here in San Antonio called the Saxet gun show, and their logo is a backwards Texas symbol. I am not kidding. When I saw the stupid shotgun shells I immediately thought of Saxet gun show.
Nonnie from San Antonio, TEXAS

Longhorns rule! Those wrecks however, suck. I used to be a florist and did funeral pieces of the Longhorn symbol. Scary, I was always terrified they would break!

June 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

These look like gonads.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Looks like a uterus

December 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I clicked on the original wreck because I thought IT looked like a uterus. Upon seeing the second wreck, I was certain they were supposed to be uterus cakes and thought these were creative and clever baby shower cakes.

December 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

And I first thought of a bulky thong. Where's my dignity?

April 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OH NOES what happened to John? Did the head injury cause the infection? If that sounds really creepy, I'm sorry. I just read your blog so much you guys are almost family to me :)

February 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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