My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Long Shot

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.


Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]


What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!


Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)

« "So Funny" In Bold, with Exclamation Mark | Main | Tour Wreck - UPDATE »

Reader Comments (547)

Jen and John,

You know that our prayers are with you. I know that you'll be fine John, and I understand the whole bored in the hospital while seriously ill thing. People forget that just because you're really sick doesn't mean you can't sit lie there wishing for something to do.

And if you're bored, that's a very good, good sign. God is with you, and so are our hearts.

And you do have some wreckage to look at. Is it me, or did that first one look like a uh...well...stripper's g-string?

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Prayers and best wishes to John.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnthrophile

a head injury too?! whaaa?! did one of those nurses fail to put up the bedrail?!


words can't describe how awful i'm feeling for you guys right now. i know we've never met, but it feels as if i know y'all. and i am terribly saddened and upset by john's illness (and yours too, jen).

have been and will continue to pray for you both ... as well as wisdom and guidance for his entire medical team.

please, please keep up posted.

terry lee

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

The first was a CCC, too! Aghh!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHungry Luma

Good Gravey.

Sorry to hear about all this. John, heal up!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramy

Something for John to do, if he doesn't already know about it... It's pretty spiffy.

Being an aggie myself, I'm not too partial to today's post... But that's all right, since they were wrecks anyway XD

Get well soon, John! I will send you psychic brain-waves of good karma and Halloween candy. And hugs. BAI~

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChannie

I've been reading this blog for probably a year and usually don't comment because it's in Google reader, but I wanted to send you my wishes for John's health and speedy recovery. I also hope that you are handling everything all right and are still getting rest, feeding yourself and all that good stuff. (I thought the first pic was another uterus cake.)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon M.

If there's anything you need while you are trapped in Texas, feel free to let me know. I can only imagine how horrid it feels to have someone in the hospital in a place far from home. Whether it's recommendations on where to get a good burger or someone to meet you for coffee and a friendly chat...
Hope everyone is well and able to travel home soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Sending healing thoughts! I hope John recovers soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Feel better, please! (Seriously...DO IT!)

Well, if you're gonna pick a place to be sick, Texas is definitely the state to do it in...Dallas has a really good medical center, and Houston is right down the way with the best in the world, so fear not, my young friends!
All your readers will be praying for you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlicia

While we all looked forward to seeing you on tour, we *totally* understand. I hope John gets better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaylee

I am sorry for all that has gone wrong with this book tour, but I do love the postscript. Get well soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought the first one was a uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndreanna

You wrecked it with style! Just like the second cake posted today... you know style? Ya that just won't fly i guess. I'm from TX and those cakes are the most hideous representation of the best team EVER, that I've ever seen.... whoever made them should be tied to a flag pole in the middle of town and made to sing "Deep in the Heart of Texas" till their mouth goes dry.... (Deepest Texan accent) "That's how we do things round heeya..." :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney C.

Hi John, hope you're feeling at least a little better today! And not too bored. If you have access to a computer with internet in there, try

That ought to keep you occupied for a few hours at least.

And remember, laughter is the best medicine! Keep your chin up and don't get discouraged, you'll recover much faster.

I don't know if you're trekkies at all, but if you are...Well, don't kill me. But who knows, the trekkies I know love this joke!

Q: What's the biggest similarity between Star Trek and toilet paper?

A: They both zoom around the moon in search of Klingons.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSparky

All the best to you two health-wise.

As for those cakes...apparently botched Longhorns look like panties at best, crotches at worst. Lovely.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSilver Nitrate

Praying for you both!

Here's my only attempt for John

What happens when nurses spend too much time with Cakewreckers? They get a staff confection.... HA! I crack myself up.

Bet you never knew I just made that up, did you?

WV: piroom. Where the cake hatin' trolls go.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterReam O Rama

Hey, I can't tell if you are being serious or facetious re: the injuries, but I wanted to wish your family well and all the best in recovery.

Amanda (Cake Fail)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYou Nanimous

Still praying for healing and happiness for the two of you again!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenniferB

So sorry to hear about the personal life wreckage. I hope John gets better soon and you can return to just cake wreckage.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStef

It is terrible to be sick, and to be sick away from home makes is even worse. I hope both of you are well soon! Sending prayers your way!


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

We know that some of those wrecks are dangerous. John must have been overexposed to some real life ones. May he and you recover soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFiberQat

Oh no! Feel better both of you. I'll see you next time you hit up Bethesda!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRose D.

Are you sure that first picture isn't a uterus? Because it looks like a uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Fingers, toes, and eyes crossed for J's speedy recovery. Prayers offered up, too. Best wishes.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJune, cake lover

Oh, heavens, a knock to the old coconut, too? Since when is *that* a side effect of pneumonia?!

I hope you recover soon, and that the insurance companies behave honourably, and the only joke I can think of is:

A skeleton walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says.

"I'll have a beer . . . and a mop."

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCristabel

You all are never allowed to tour again. Yeeesh! Sorry we missed you in Austin :) Get well and please don't blame Texas!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKosmic Freeway

Oh, no! I hope everything turns out ok.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Goodness, feel better soon, John!

My husband's grandfather recently had a mysterious blood infection. I hope John has a swift and full recovery.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEG

Hysterical cakes, as always.

I'm thinking good thoughts and wishing John a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkatie

Get well soon!... Yes, that was an order :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan

Keeping John inmy thoughts.

I was sure that first one was a uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkyooty

Hoping that John is feeling better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Head injury too - what the heck happened there - -- Dang John when you do something you really over do it ....

feel better quickly

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrho

Everything's bigger in Texas. Including, apparently, the uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSnobahr

Thank you for keeping us updated! Here's to hoping you both will recover swiftly!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those fallopian tubes in the second cake are especially realistic.

Hope you are all on the mend.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte

I sincerely hope you and John are feeling better. Please take care of yourselves!!!


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Praying for you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHallie Smith

I do believe that top one is a cup cake cake.
to give you hope, my husband had the same type illness and recovered. It took a while, but he was out of the ICU in a week and out of the hospital in 10 days. Then we went home and he was BORED for the next month. But I got to cuddle with him every night. I sill do 21 years later.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaede

Head injury??? You just said ICU and that could be dehydration (in the extreme), or flu or SOMETHING that needs lots of care until it passes !
Head injury sounds more ominous than what our prayers were geared for... we'll do better and hopefully you both will too.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

My best wishes for you and John to mend and be back on the road home. So happy to have shared a little of the fun part of your tour while you were in San Francisco a week ago.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ugh, anything with a longhorn on it is a big wreck! Hope you guys feel better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Egads, this is getting worse. Must send more jokes!

Here's a favorite:
Three statisticians went hunting. They spotted a deer in a clearing. The first statistician aims carefully, fires his gun, and the bullet goes whizzing just three inches above the deer. The second statistician fires and his bullet flies just three inches below the deer. The third statistician cries, "We got him!"


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So Sorry to hear John is not well.

Jen, Please take care of yourself too.

John, Here is my 6 yr old's fav knock knock to cheer you up. It's a long one, bear with me till the end. LOL

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ether (pronounced EEEE-ther)
Ether Who?
Ether Bunny

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ana who?
Ana another Ether Bunny

Knock knock
Who's there?
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep run over Ether Bunnies

Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo who?
Don't cry Ether Bunnies will be OK.

And so will you John, Get well soon! Don't worry about the blog, we will be here waiting til you get better.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVix

I'm here in Austin also and I recognized the cakes right away! Well after wondering for a second if something was wrong with your uterus. I'm sending you very strong wishes for both of you to get well soon (the close proximity makes the wishes stronger). What was the head injury?

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

So scary the way things can go from bad to worse so quickly. Best wishes and prayers to John's for a speedy recovery. And, Jen, please remember to take care of yourself, too!

(the word verification for my comment was "gynosu." Guess the first cake really DID look like the female reproductive system haha)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

You don't know me, but I love your web site and your book.

I have an apartment in Dallas that is currently furnished, but unoccupied. It's just a few blocks from Baylor University Medical Center, in the downtown area. If that would be useful to you while John is ill, you are welcome to use it for as long as you want.

If you have any interest in this, please e-mail me at or

For speedy recoveries,
Gary Cooper

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Wishing you and John a very speedy recovery.

I hope that he is out of the hospital soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShazzaG

Sorry you're having such a crummy time while you're in Texas *waves from the Dallas area* .. I am sending best wishes to John for a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

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