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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov182009

All Your Base Are Be Wrong To Us

I've had a few requests for more sports-related cakes, since I think there was a World Series or something going on at some point in the recent past. (My perception is uncanny, I know. Let's just say my "sporty sense" was tingling.)

So let's see...that's baseball, right? Okey doke. [virtually rifling through photos] Uhhh. Ah! Here we go:

Mmm, this reminds me of that most fragrant of bakery delicacies: the moldy kitchen sponge. And that Christmas tinsel? Flossing WIN.


What's wrong with this baseball diamond? Ah, the answer is in the question, grasshoppah. [nodding sagely] The answer...is in the question.

In fact, most of the "diamonds" on these Wrecks are anything but:

Although frankly, singling out the diamond issue here is a little like complaining there are no in-flight peanuts while the plane is going down.

Now, I never thought I would say this, but...Thank goodness for plastic flotsam!

How else would we know this is an Elmo/baseball kite?

And lastly, this Wreckerator gives us a "rosy outlook" on the sport:

Wow. This may be the first time I've ever hoped someone was colorblind. You know, for his/her own sake.

Natalee S., Mary G., Dawn B., Hannah, & Ashley P., those "baseballs" are terrifying. Hold me?

- Related Wreckage: Sporty Spice Cakes

NOTE: No, you're not losing your mind; two of these Wrecks have been posted before. Oopsie. I was, uh, testing your memory. Yeah. That's it.
(On the other hand, perhaps you are losing your mind, and only think you're reading this right now.
Have you considered that? Hmmm?)

« Batter UP! | Main | What's Black & White & Wrecked All Over? »

Reader Comments (64)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

You know what it took after reading your blog FOREVER to actually get me to comment?! Mayhap it was the FUNNIEST FREAKING title EVAR. OMG, so funny...

*wipes tears*

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Loving "all your base, all your base, all your base are belong to us" references!!! I'm not a fan of baseball but even I can spot these wrecks from the outfield! Get it? 'Cause it's far? Ok... I'll go sit in the corner and think about what I just did...

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralisaz

On Steven's birthday cake, what's with the big nails, with a random blood stain to right of each nail? Does Steven have Stigmata?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Lol, I love the "complaining about no in-flight peanuts when the plane is going down" comment. Priceless.

WV: prspated. The cakes are horrible wrecks, but I am sure the wreckerator prspated trying to get them done in time.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMike Owens

Move Zig!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMindy

Haha, the funniest part was the title!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Umm... yikes?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Holy crap, am I the first to comment? That second one looks like they started making a pool table and then changed to baseball midway. And well I wondered if your title was a slight reference to Homestarrunner?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCowgirl@Heart

and it's one! two! three strikes you're out at the old. ball. game.

go team cake wrecks!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

The children. Won't somebody please think of the children?????

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Man. Some people really don't know what a diamond shape is.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I give major props for the "All your base..." That and the moldy cake...

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJerseyEMT21

first cake- take the baseball stuff off it and you could pretend it was a dinosaur dig cake.

second cake- maybe pretend it was for some masonic group? those could look like digging utensils on the sides.

third cake- looks more like a cricket oval.

fourth cake- we recently learned on the big bang theory that people consider kite flying a sport (trying to take down other kites in teams.)

fifth cake- there's no excuse for that.

and the title!!!!!!!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeeffer

I like the first cake, the little dude on it looks like he's fallen down and is shielding his face/crawling away from the invading wreckerator or alien life form.

-KP

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's like the people who decorated those cakes had never, ever seen any sort of baseball field in their entire lives.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra

Captain: "Somebody set us up the bomb!"

Time to blow these wrecks to smithereens! Love how the one wrecker lasso'ed up the whole team in their, uh, "diamond"

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

Today class... is all about the title. Period.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I made a baseball themed cake for my daughter when she turned 3 years ago. Of course it was lame that I uses green candy sprinkles for grass but I'm pretty sure I did a decent job on the baseball diamond shape.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e349/Goofball_Lt_G/Treats/HighRes_WF05B031869797121.jpg

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGoof

I've never seen baseballs wearing crowns of thorns before. I think I'll leave the religious puns alone.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDennis

How un-American! Who in America doesn't know what a Baseball diamond looks like?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sports and an All Your Base reference? Your wit strikes again, Jen! LOVING it!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I can't believe that the "Kevin" cake is a professional wreck...

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I lost my coffee. My coffee is all gone. It's dripping from my monitor and it's all your fault; your incredible title ruined my morning coffee, alas, alas! =)

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAva Lind

I think the Steven cake is actually supposed to be the Harvard logo.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Wow. Those are interestingly shaped diamonds for sure!

Amy B-H

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

As far as I'm concerned, any cake with Elmo on it is already wreck-tastic. But I'm with all the other geeks out there who say the best part of this post is the header. Will have the remixed "All your base" in my head all day now.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Okay, I have to give you props for managing to exceed the nerd quotient with your "All your base" reference in a sports-themed post! Kudos!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjeni

Never could understand all the fuss about Rounders.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

You know what it took after reading your blog FOREVER to actually get me to comment?! Mayhap it was the FUNNIEST FREAKING title EVAR. OMG, so funny...

*wipes tears*

I concur. That made my boyfriend look at my like I was a madwoman on a bender....probably becouse I laughed like one over this.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkenkire

Am I crazy (OK, I know the answer to that part) or in the first one does it look like there's a skeleton crawling up from the ground under the pitcher? I guess that's what you get for playing baseball in notoriously haunted graveyards...or maybe it's a Mets fan

Anyway, assuming there's home plate under the label, at least the first one got the diamond shape down. Umm...yay?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

I think that the condoms next to the "diamond" take the cake! :)

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The first game of the Sesame Street Fighting Elmos at Quicksand Flats Park was, sadly, also their last.

^..^

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

ROFL! The title, the "like complaining there are no in-flight peanuts while the plane is going down" line.. it's too much, please make it stop!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterme

I don't like the looks of those baseball bats on the 2nd cake...0_o

The Elmo heads would frighten a child. "Mommy, why did they bury Elmo in the baseball diamond???"

I really dislike airbrushing on cakes and the first cake is just another example of why. Moldy cake, anyone? *shudder*

And I STILL laugh at AYB.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qItugh-fFgg

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Until I saw the four-- count 'em: FOUR-- little baseballs on the first cake, I thought it was depicting "Swamp Thing."

And if your cake shows the Bermuda Triangle combined with a pickaxe or two,well...sounds like bad news is on the way, Steven.

wv: eurica-- Eurica! Looks like Elmo frosted his own cake!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

I love the title! It too brought me out of the woodwork to comment.

Also, the magical combination theme cake of baseball, christmas, poo and moldy kitchen sponge.

Mmm... appetizing.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia

It's probably just me, but the second cake reminds me of Harvard's insignia (with an extra book).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Harvard_Wreath_Logo_1.svg

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Good one. The "hold me" line is used in the book I just bought from you, but c'mon. It's a GOOD line.

Also a good book. I read it twice yesterday after tearing it out of the Amazon.com cardboard wrapper thingy. I'll be right there with you if another one comes out. :)

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShalen

*faceslap* oh, where to begin?

Gotta love that wonky oval. where the heck are the bases? There's only 2. Cracked icing, baby blue trim. It looks like the batter is getting ready to defend himself in a tousle on the golf course against the gang of three! Nice how they wrote Birthday right over the base and Kevin's name straddles the base line/curve.

Elmo baseball kite--is that a standard cake? it looks ready to be written on. why would Elmo heads and baseballs be a standard cake? at least there's sprinkles....although they're badly sprinkled. and again with the icky blue trim.

The last one--if it weren't for the Frankenstein baseballs with angry stitching, I would not have guessed this was a baseball cake. Not with pink bases with white roses and blue base lines on a field of poo brown. I don't know WHAT it would be. And again, blue trim. Is it to signify this is a "boy" cake? these blues don't match anything!

#2: nails and a poo triangle with dirty marshmallows. I'm stumped for words.

#1: moldy green is my favorite! look, it's toxic. The players have fled and the one that remains has keeled over. Unless he's cowering in terror from the attack of the giant baseballs, fearing he'll be battered and tied up with xmas ribbon. But hey, at least the poo brown trim isn't blue!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoanne

Tigerwolf said...
"The first game of the Sesame Street Fighting Elmos at Quicksand Flats Park was, sadly, also their last."

HILARIOUS!! What an image!

Gary said...
"On Steven's birthday cake, what's with the big nails, with a random blood stain to right of each nail? Does Steven have Stigmata?" *snicker*

@Keefer and Dennis--LOL!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I LOL'd at the Elmo heads.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRattlesnake

Spring forth my burly protector and save me!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristina

@Tigerwolf-- I missed the word "Sesame" on first read, and saw only "Street Fighting Elmos..." lol

@joanne-- If that IS a standard cake, I think we all can think of a few things to write on it! Ha!

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOh, Mandy

Erin, I came in here to say exactly what you said. The second cake is clearly the Harvard Logo.

http://www.wpafb.af.mil/shared/media/ggallery/webgraphic/AFG-070828-006.jpg

I've been living in Boston too long...

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Is it weird that I think the Elmo one is cute?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

I think Steven's cake has the coded message "Screwball / Jolly Green Giant's Bikini Briefs / Screwball."

I find the Elmo one very disturbing.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

That is an awesome title for this post. I love you and your nerdy ways.

Speaking of... more Doctor Who? As long as they are not like, you know, incredibly heart-breaking. Much appreciated.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan the Muse

Anybody remember Madballs?

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

The baseball triangle merely points out that the third base is the charm.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfeathergirl

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