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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov262009

In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

My dear Wreckies, there are so many ways I could wish you a happy Thanksgiving today.

I could forget how it's spelled:

Tranksgiven? Hanksgiven?
Well, thank goodness for the poo tornado; how else would we know what the occasion is?


Sprinkles: they fix everything.

If you work in communications, I could get you a poo turkey and misspell your department name:

Isn't it ironic?

I could put a military spin on things:

I won't lie to you: I'm quite disappointed with the distinctly un-tank-like strawberries here.

I could try to avoid the spelling hazards in "thanksgiving" by skipping the word all together:

Although I suspect this isn't so much a lack of spelling ability as a general stinginess with letters; notice we only get a single "greeting."

I could remind you of the dangers of overeating:

"No, turkey, don't do it! You're beautiful just the way you are!"

Oh! Or here's an idea: I could avoid actual decorating all together, and use a mound of Dollar Store flotsam chucked in your cake's general direction to convey the appropriate sentiment:

The sentiment being "May you choke on a tiny plastic pilgrim," of course.

Or, I could simply assault you with a visage of such horror that nightmares of it may well plague you for the rest of your natural-born life:

[nodding] Yeah, I think I'll go with that. Seems the most memorable.

Theresa, Michelle H., Becky O., Denise M., Mike A., Chris O., & Vicky J., fingers crossed that you each get a "happy tank" today.

- Related Wreckage: Teasers for the Coming Seasons

Note- For those of you pointing it out, yes we do know that Autumn is misspelled. That's kind of the point.

« This Is What Happy Tastes Like | Main | Really? I Mean, Really?!? (Yes, MORE Turkey Wrecks) »

Reader Comments (133)

The turkey in te "autum greetin" is eating the letters!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

I'm not sure if I want an Autum greeting or not...

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKerri

what the hail is the last one? dracula monster turkey? my god!

and flotsam is a fantastic word!

and speaking of the flotsam cake(s)(?), are those gingerbread men I see? so it's...for all the fall and winter holidays? hrm.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

Thank you! I'm so thankful for the laughs you (Jen, John the hubby of Jen, and assistent wreckorators) give me every day. My morning isn't complete until I check out this site.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

Why does the first cake have a "French Bread, Hot at 5pm or Free" sticker?

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

Why are all the cake turkeys yellow, orange and red? I looked for Wild Turkeys on the web and they don't look any different from the black ones we have here!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

am i the only one that thinks that the last one kind of looks like a very saggy penis??

maybe i have personal issues i need to deal with. . .

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Happy Thankgivening Jen and John!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDakota

that last thing? did they get the vision for that at the "Adult" superfun store? wink wink... ya know what I am thinking and when I say toy.... shudders and goes looking for the nearest hand sanitizer station....

oh and Happy Thanksgiving, from one of your faithful Canadian readers - eh?!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarieA

Happy Tanksgiven indeed.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNads' Bakery

No, the last cake is clearly the rare heirloom breed, the Basset Pei Turkey. Jimmy Carter pardoned one in 1979. Probably the same one.

The strawberry cake was for someone who plays mmo games and tanks for groups, obviously.

Bulimia Turkey looks like it was meant to have those little paper crowns on the end of the drumsticks and making them out of frosting didn't work. Wait a minute... Bulimia Turkey has no drumsticks...it's got four wings!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

It makes me sad that so many people missed your sarcasm on the autum cake. :( Yes, we all realize it is spelled wrong...

Let's see, so much to comment on. The cornucopia of poo, the clearance label on the turkey with "stuffing" coming out of it, and the number of cakes that have switched to a fine redneck hick accent with the "thanksgiven" going on.

Yikes.

On the other hand, now I spend a few minutes at the cake section lookin' for gems each time I go to the grocery store...

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The flotsom one just confused me. What do choc truffles and demonic gingerbread men have to do with Pilgrims? (See, if I just focus on that question, I can try to block out the retina-searing, vomit-inducing images of the other cakes. It's worth a try, anyway!)

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

The turkey on the "Autum" cake is creepy.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

Why is that last turkey-like creature wearing labia earrings? A little put off by that one...ewwww.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HAHA!! I always use the "you're beautiful the way are" line on my girl cat whenever she throws up a hairball... hahaha!!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKellyGrrl

What I find most disturbing about the flotsam cakes is that the plastic junk is in the same place on each one (substituting the turkey for the ship), so the wrecker deliberately placed them that way.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShi

that last one is so hard to parse through to see the turkey. I thought it was a giant flaming ball of something with melting flesh dribbling down the side.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the last cake looks like a Sphinx Turkey haha

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

i love misspells! prolly my favorite kind of cake wrecks.

sprinkles: they fix everything. TOOOOO funny!!

happy tharkgivening, y'all!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

That "autum' turkey looks more like the Loch Ness Monster than any turkey to me.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKitten

Yowzers!
And Happy Tanksgiven to you too! :P

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I'm not so much worried about the spelling on the Autum cake, as I am by the fact that a T. rex has disguised himself as a turkey and is laying in wait for the happy thanksgiving diners to get close enough.

The moral is: Check yer cake first with a long pointy stick!

Noni

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

Shoulda put sprinkles on the poo tornado. That would have solved everything. =D

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermjm

that last cake looks like an old lady i saw at a topless beach once. come to think of it she was a bit overbaked too...

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternicole

Jar Jar Binks... Nope.
Dachshund... Nope.
Screaming chipmunk... Nope.

I totally see a very naked, very elderly woman who has recently lost a lot of weight. And has also lost the fight with gravity.

wv vultylog- the solid ejecta that I barfed up when I saw that last cake.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramanda

YOU never fail to make me laugh and make my day ......Happy Thanksgiving! I am very thankful for your blog and the humor it provides!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJackie Blue

Now why does the last one remind me of the Brundlefly from The Fly?

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm so glad Heather pointed out that you actually KNEW the n was missing in Autum. Stinginess with the letters. Everyone get it now?
Do you actually think she would miss that one? She's a smart girl. And that last turkey is just scary and obscene.
Webster's definition of obscene:
1. : disgusting to the senses : repulsive

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that Jen was being sarcastic/facetious when not mentioning that autumn was spelled wrong (notice that part about skipping the tricky word "thanksgiving")

and I agree:
tanks were given, so strawberries are all that's left,
plastic flotsam=choking deathcake,
and headless business suit

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertosety

Thappy Hanksgiving to Jen, John, and all my fellow Wreckophiles!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

What in the world is wrong with people? Really?

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

What IS that last one? I can't even see an abstracted thanksgiving cake.. I'm trying.. maybe if I squint more.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Tornado? I saw a weird poo scorpion ready to attack. Frightening.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTwiggy

wow thanks jen! happy thanksgiving to you too.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucia

That last one made me think I was about to be eaten by a slightly melted praying mantis.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Chipmunk, Jar-Jar Binks, naked lady, sphinxes, male organs... Gosh, that horrifying final cake really is conjuring up a lot of different mental images. Of course, when I first saw it, for a few seconds I thought that somehow had decided to depict a decapitated, tuxedo-cland human torso in cake form. Those wattles look upsettingly like arteries to me.

(PS. I know the correct plural form of "sphinx" is "sphinges". I didn't want to confuse anybody, though.)

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZocktastic

Oh. My. God. You know, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia, and judging by these cakes, that's something to be thankful for...

What amazes me is how similar they all are - it's like every cake decorator has a list of three possible ways s/he could stuff up a turkey, and they just rotate between the three.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Or you could just make us laugh so hard it hurts. I am thankful your site is here to exercise my laughing muscles every single day. Thank you, and I hope your book does really really well.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

I saw big red saggy boobs on the last cake. Ever seen those Granny cartoons from Flowgo.com? I think the wreckorator did too!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBree

*screams* Oh good heaven! When I saw that last turkey... I shivered! Whats with the TWO red beak thingies? Turkeys only have one of those things!
Yikes. There's only one scenario that can be called logical: it was actually a HALLOWEEN cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Check out my site:
www.dream-wings.webs.com. A place for the Arts! Hey, I just blogged about Cake Wrecks! Its the best.

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShewholuvs2lol

Thanksgiven? Maybe this was meant for the day after Thanksgiving...

The last one...hideous beyond words!

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGraceful Moments

Uggh, I can never tell if flotsam cakes are really half@$$ed or an attempt to replicate Japanese XMas Cakes with their oh so artful holiday facades.

Then again, you could do a whole chapter on these.

http://yamatologic.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/christmascake.jpg

http://janneinosaka.blogspot.com/2008/12/merry-christmas.html

http://doors.stanford.edu/japan-etc-2004/Pages/3.html

November 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimichi Tsuzuku

Coming in late on the conversation - finished the washing up just now. Whew. Anyhow... It appears to me that the last wreck gives a convincing explanation of the origin of the Sphinx. It is the Great Turkey God. I mean, check out those Cleopatra-like locks on either side of its head.

Ot I could be mistaken. It's late and I'm pooped - although not as literally pooped as the poop tornado. Ick. What IS it with cake decorators and poo ?

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah in California

I have been going over the wrecks of the last few days again and again, and I giggle just as hard each time. I think Turkey/Thanksgiving wrecks are my absolute favorite!

Thanks for the great finish to my wonderful day!

Happy Tranksgiven!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

you are freaking hilarious!!! i laugh to the point of tears every time i visit your page! THANK YOU!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSterling Dawn

Did anyone else notice that on the price tag for the first cake it was described as "french bread"??

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara B.

With all the plastic pilgrim junk on that one wreck, that gingerbread man thought he could sneak on behind the candy? Get off, little plastic cookie man, it's not your holiday yet!! The nerve.

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison Wonderland

Yeeah. The last one killed me.

wv: shookint = shoo kint believe how terrible these cakes are...

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjune2

That first one is a CCC with an impenetrable wall of icing. The last one? I'm not sure H.P. Lovecraft could find the words to describe that horror.

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdenestria

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