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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov262009

In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

My dear Wreckies, there are so many ways I could wish you a happy Thanksgiving today.

I could forget how it's spelled:

Tranksgiven? Hanksgiven?
Well, thank goodness for the poo tornado; how else would we know what the occasion is?


Sprinkles: they fix everything.

If you work in communications, I could get you a poo turkey and misspell your department name:

Isn't it ironic?

I could put a military spin on things:

I won't lie to you: I'm quite disappointed with the distinctly un-tank-like strawberries here.

I could try to avoid the spelling hazards in "thanksgiving" by skipping the word all together:

Although I suspect this isn't so much a lack of spelling ability as a general stinginess with letters; notice we only get a single "greeting."

I could remind you of the dangers of overeating:

"No, turkey, don't do it! You're beautiful just the way you are!"

Oh! Or here's an idea: I could avoid actual decorating all together, and use a mound of Dollar Store flotsam chucked in your cake's general direction to convey the appropriate sentiment:

The sentiment being "May you choke on a tiny plastic pilgrim," of course.

Or, I could simply assault you with a visage of such horror that nightmares of it may well plague you for the rest of your natural-born life:

[nodding] Yeah, I think I'll go with that. Seems the most memorable.

Theresa, Michelle H., Becky O., Denise M., Mike A., Chris O., & Vicky J., fingers crossed that you each get a "happy tank" today.

- Related Wreckage: Teasers for the Coming Seasons

Note- For those of you pointing it out, yes we do know that Autumn is misspelled. That's kind of the point.

« This Is What Happy Tastes Like | Main | Really? I Mean, Really?!? (Yes, MORE Turkey Wrecks) »

Reader Comments (133)

"Poo tornado". Hysterical! On a yellow-frosted cake, no less. Holy appetite loss, Batman!

The fans who post here are as funny as the wrecks, themselves. Love ya all!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBoots McGraw

These disasters "take the cake". :o)
~Amy B-H

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I kinda like the autum turkey. he actually looks like a turkey with *gasp* FEATHERS (as opposed to mosaic tiles or technicolor blobs or shelf mushrooms.)

the last one looks like a statue to a tribal god. the two wattles freaks me out! are they heavy earrings? saggy boobs? is that a sacrificial bonfire happening behind him> and what's with the treadmarks in the brown icing mud mound behind him?

#2 (I mean, #3 *snicker*) REALLY looks like a shiny turd. with eyes. wearing a feather fan like a vegas showgirl!

WV: crumroni. really bad pasta.

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoanne

Oh, Jen and John, this Thanksgiving I am thankful for - YOU! You guys make my day... and makek me so glad that I made pies this year (as always), instead of depending on some bakery wreckorator.

Merry from
Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

WV: demism. Demism any kinda cakes *I'd* want to eat!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one is JABBA THE TURKEY. Run away, Run away!!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

I think the last one is a naked bunny praying to the volcano gods.

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey, if somebody gave me a tank, I'd be thankful, too.

Of course, I've always been a slightly warped little child. ^_~

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterT

Happy Turkey Sphinx to everyone too!

November 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

What the Hell is with the gingerbread man on the last cake? It looks like he would smell funny, throw globs of mustard yellow frosting at the plastic pilgrams, and would drunkenly shout, "What the Hell are you looking at? I will cut you!"

He's pure nightmare fodder.

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermissemilygracey

I agree with Melissa - it's Jabba the Hut disguised as a turkey!!! :P

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Thankgivening" reminded me of "havening" from The Chronicles of George, which can be found here:

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/

Maybe after losing his tech support job, George decided to try his steady hand at cake decorating?

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought the last one looked a bit like a skinned torso (2 lungs and some intestines, maybe?) Ew.

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarianna

I do like the idea of the strawberry cake (minus the tank part) but the wilted strawberry leaves... A tip for wreckorators trying to improve: as much as possible, avoid putting inedible things on cakes.

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKella

The last picture...

I just keep swallowing over and over, trying to keep from imagining what something that looks so horrible could POSSIBLY taste like.

Ugh.

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTammy Hopper

When I shared this on facebook, the captcha wanted me to type "tanking Securities". HA!

November 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHarrawrson

That last turkey looks like a Slugma...

November 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

O-kay... and why does the first 'tranksgiven' cake wreck look like someone is saying 'Happy Tranksgiven' with flowers... wrapped in poo? Now that's what I call a crap present! (like what I did there?!) lol

November 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon.T.

I first read this post last night. I'm an English grad student and I'm supposed to turn in a rough draft of a paper tomorrow. How am I supposed to write a paper about Faustus with "turkey poo-wang" going through my head? I can't stop giggling. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

November 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebamundo

Forget the spelling-the 1st one looks like a poo spray with weeds hanging out! Too funny!!!

November 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

It's as if Toki from Metalocalypse had done the writing on the cakes.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRo

Holy Turkey Schlongs Batman!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust the Right Size

The last one reminds me of the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCeleritas

I'm crying!! You are killing me with these poo wang cakes!!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

No, people; the last one is a hairless cocker spaniel howling at the moon. I love how some of these cake become Rorschach tests.

December 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I screamed when I saw that last turkey. Here's hoping that someone gives you a happy tank - or at least some military strawberries.

December 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

I almost had a heart attack at the computer and my dad is talking about sending me to an insane asylum.

Great job, Cake Wrecks! =]

December 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

i thought the first cake looked like a sunburned carrot rather than the poo tornado.....

January 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter1nes

Okay, I know I'm waaaaay behind since I just found out about this blog a couple days ago and have done nothing useful since Tuesday now because I'm trying to read all the entries (gee, thanks, Jen!), but this entry was so funny...all of it, all the "cakes." You are brilliant...sadly, this can't be said for the wreckers. Except they do bring the rest of us so much Schadenfreude. Oh my.
P.S. Once I've caught up and only am getting one fix a day, WHAT will I DO??? Your blog is the "crack" of blogs...and I mean that in the nicest possible way:) I may need medical intervention to survive on only one Cake Wreck per day!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrascalmom

I love the word flotsam. Where can I get a cake pan shaped like a turkey anyway?

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yikes! The last turkey cake looks like one giant phallus!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarely-Lit

Jar Jar Binks, im definitely feeling that. Eagle Eye xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

the last one looks like one of those things from "Tremors!"

February 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOrange Zeppelin

I can't laugh enough at this website! You have done a beautiful job of showing what ACTUALLY is displayed in many stores and what many people pick up as their special order.
For 20 years, I was a technician (cake decorating trainer), for corporate manufacturers, and worked in several accounts. These stores just pick up anyone who fills in their name on an application to make a "cake decorator". My job was to go in and try my best to teach...or at least help them out of the horror film they call talent. It didn't work. It was amazing how many of these people actually thought their work was awesome, and try as they might to copy MY work, fell flat in producing the desired outcome.
Mooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn.
I shiver......vvvrrrrrrr!
Emma

February 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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