My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Whiter Shade of Pale

This past week I neglected to post any cakes highlighting the Native Americans' vital role in the founding of Thanksgiving. This is a grievous oversight, and one which I will attempt to remedy now.


"Look, I appreciate that he's lily-white and blue-eyed, but do you think you could do something about the brown hair? It seems so...I don't know...ethnic."

"Well, I *could* make his hair lighter, but there's a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"That's our Jesus design."

Hey, Shahala H. & Michele P., don't be afraid to let them show; your true colors are beautiful. (Like a rainbow.)

- Related Wreckage: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Note: Just to be clear: I am NOT making fun of Jesus. I am making fun of the fact that He is so often portrayed here in the U.S. as a blue-eyed Caucasian. That is all. Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one.

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Reader Comments (97)

A Hippy Cake!! is it a Dutch Hippy cake?? chill.....

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

I thought it was a hippie!!! LOL!


wv: dinglys - i think that will apply to a different cake before long!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwendl26

Dude has some serious gout. Or mumps. Or something.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen


November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Haha, I got it! My favorite children's Bible, The Jesus Storybook Bible, is so in part because they actually make Jesus brown and he almost looks (gasp!) Middle Eastern!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WHy is that cat wearing a Sonny Bono wig?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBaker's Cakes

Maybe this was a pilgrim playing a Native American in the 1st annual Thanksgiving pageant. Obviously he had his cheeks full of nuts from the starter buffet.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to agree with the previous comments: that looks more like a hippy than an Indian.

wv: purest - That is the purest white Indian I've ever seen. How fitting.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercyn

I've always been amused by portrayals of Jesus and Mary as being blonde-haired and blue-eyed. They also tend to have British accents in old movies. Hmm ...

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjeni

It's sad that when the page loaded, before I'd read a word you'd written, my first thought was "that doesn't look like a Native American."

Apparently I now have the ability to see through wreck layers (such as reality) to the cake design within.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSparky

Why do you hate the baby Jesus?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPete

That made Baby Jesus cry!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The Euro-Jesus look has always irritated me. Thanks for the comment. It is probably not possible, and may not be a good idea to make a cake "indian" at all.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now I have that song rolling around in my head. Good song, though. :)

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci

The portraits of Jesus in my daughter's First Communion workbook all looked like Richard Chamberlain. It was weird looking at Dr. Kildare hanging out with the apostles.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Someone certainly looks pleased! Is it because his long-held wish to become a cat is finally coming true?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

I saw an Indian cake (and who would want one of these??) at a local supermarket that looked like a round smiley face cake with face paint added to it. wrecky, indeed. but I couldn't get a picture :(

wv: nopeen--There is nopeen here today. Bathroom is out of order.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoanne

An Indian CAKE?
Everyone knows Native Americans brought Indian pudding. Sheesh!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It might be one of those Caucasians that claim to be "1/4th Cherokee." They're endemic here in Upstate New York, so either the Caucasians are lying, or the Cherokee were the Jack Harknesses of their era.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMateus

Actually, this guy looks kind of like me when I dressed up as a cat for Halloween, except that I had pointed ears on the headband.

Since nobody really knows what Jesus looked like, you can't prove that he didn't resemble those old Nordic Sunday-School pictures. But it's fair to say that, being from the Middle East, he PROBABLY didn't have blue eyes, white skin, or fair hair.

I've seen religious images from various countries that showed Jesus (and Mary, Joseph, etc.) looking like Europeans, Africans, East Asians, South American Indians, etc. (in most cases, the artist drew Jesus to look like his or her own people). Each of these seemed about as convincing as the others to me. It's not the physical features, it's the story that's important.

Which brings me to this classic joke, which I will repeat for the 0.0001% of readers who may not have heard it:
Little girl: "I'm drawing a picture of God."
Teacher: "Nobody knows what God looks like, dear."
Little girl: "That's because I haven't finished my picture, silly."

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I'm more concerned that Jesus appears to have kitty whiskers. What's up with that?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMadeleine

They gave the Native American the mumps just to maintain the historical accuracy of the mumps outbreaks the settlers shared with them during the first thanksgiving.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDoug Warren

I thought it was a 60s "peace out" cake.
Amy B-H
wv: "lionand" lion and what..lamb? Lion and lioness??

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Do I HAVE to take everything here with a grain of salt? That cake looks gross enough as it is, let alone after adding salt to it.

MV :mabitim. I didn't think anyone would eat that Indian cake, but them my parents saw 'im and mabitim!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVanDyks

Jen, I think it's very funny. And I love Jesus. A lot.

A cat with a Sonny Bono wig! Bwahahahahah!!!!!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCookieMonster

hold the smoke signals.

are those cupcakes disguised as mumps?!

honestly, there were some fair-skinned, fair-headed indians (creek indians) of which i'm like, er, 1/64th.

just sayin' ...

{crawling back into my teepee for a puff off my peace pipe.}

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

The first thing I saw was that gold Boy Scout emblem in the middle of its face - right there, in the middle. Imagine paying tribute (?) to Boy Scouts, cats, native Americans, and Jesus all in one cake. And a CCC to boot. Is that some kind of record?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkadyb

Mateus-- Cherokees are so totally the Jack Harknesses of American History. Irresistible!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkcwc

I didn't realize that Jesus partied at Woodstock.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatty O'Chair

Does he have goiters?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

The way my reader loaded the page, I saw the picture and thepart down to "Waht's the problem?", but then had to scroll for the punch line. Made me laugh out loud.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret DeAngelis

I don't care what it's SUPPOSED to be, it's scaring me with its crazy-eyed stare of DOOM! Eeeek!

WV: Prolym--Whoever this dude is, he's definitely got a prolym...

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Now I'm trying to decide if it's more or less "wrong" to eat a Jesus cake than an American Indian cake.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAbi

The "not making fun of Jesus" disclaimer is even funnier than the caucasion indian.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

My mother told me that her Jewish friend told her that it was incredibly possible for Middle-eastern peoples to have blond hair and blue eyes <.< I don't remember the exact details, and maybe it was mostly back then, and maybe I'm wrong. I don't know, but just because most Middle-eastern people are dark haired or dark-eyed now doesn't mean that it was the same back then when Europe and America hardly even existed. Where do you think the blond people came from originally?

Either way, this is a saaaaaaad cake. XD

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstormcloud

Mateus said It might be one of those Caucasians that claim to be "1/4th Cherokee."

A friend of mine went to college with a girl who was studying on a scholarship for native Hawaiians/Pacific Islanders. She was all around paler than him, and Irish makes up the majority of his ethnic heritage. Maybe this cake was inspired by her relatives.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

Jesus is portrayed as white in primarily white churches, while in black churches Jesus is portrayed as black. Hispanics portray Jesus as hispanic, but the problem with all the portrayals is Jesus came from the Middle East, so he was not black, white or hispanic, he was Israeli.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why does Jesus have whiskers?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterUlrike

The blue-eyed blond Matron of Honor at my wedding is Potawatomie, but she doesn't have multicolored whiskers, though I'm willing to bet that she dabbled in sweat bands in her Olivia Newton-John's Let's Get Physical days.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrebecca

Jen- I am impressed with the Sarah Brighman reference in the title! Love her! Love you!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbreanna

"Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one."...sweet AND salty...yum!!!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Procol Harum FTW!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKashmir

Duh...everyone knows Jesus was a black dude, anyway!

PS. I'm a Christian who loves Jesus!

WV:hasch....what this baker musta been smokin'

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust Me,Pilgrim

Once again, "thank you" for a much-needed "laugh."
At first I thought that this was a celebratory cake for a high-school revival of Hair.
LOL - My first thought at the Jesus reference was the same Bible as an earlier poster referenced.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterblueiguana

The Jesus comment made me laugh as well. I still recall an article from National Geographic where they used archeological, cultural, and even Biblical evidence to create an image of how Jesus probably looked. Very interesting article:

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

If Jesus were as white as he is sometimes portrayed, then he wouldn't be the Jesus we all know and love. You know why? He would be horribly, horribly sunburned. All the time. 2nd degree burns kind of sunburn. The kind you can die from. He wouldn't have made it to the cross. 40 days in the wilderness... lily white skin... blond hair... think about it.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yipes! I didn't realize that Sarah Brightman did a version of this song. I only knew of the Procol Harum version. The things ya' learn on Cake Wrecks. At least the hair looks like edible chocolate, rather than something, um, unmentionable.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

oh, this is so hilarious! perhaps that rash on his chin is smallpox?

that would explain the deathly white pallor of his skin

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

This reminds me of when, in third grade, our teacher complained because my female pilgrim drawing depicted her with blue eyeshadow.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWinona

Breanna - i think it's an Annie Lennox reference, but I could be wrong. I'm fairly certain Annie was the first to sing it, but I'm not positive on that

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa Gill

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