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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Nov302009

A Whiter Shade of Pale

This past week I neglected to post any cakes highlighting the Native Americans' vital role in the founding of Thanksgiving. This is a grievous oversight, and one which I will attempt to remedy now.

Er...

"Look, I appreciate that he's lily-white and blue-eyed, but do you think you could do something about the brown hair? It seems so...I don't know...ethnic."

"Well, I *could* make his hair lighter, but there's a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"That's our Jesus design."

Hey, Shahala H. & Michele P., don't be afraid to let them show; your true colors are beautiful. (Like a rainbow.)

- Related Wreckage: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Note: Just to be clear: I am NOT making fun of Jesus. I am making fun of the fact that He is so often portrayed here in the U.S. as a blue-eyed Caucasian. That is all. Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one.

« Merci! | Main | Sunday Sweets: Fall Edition »

Reader Comments (97)

Obviously this was meant to be taken "with a grain of salt..." did you know salt is iodized because people were lacking iodine in their diets, thus leading to goiters? Kinda like our poor Indian friend here... ;)
-E.S.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So what should one WRITE on a Jesus cake? Happy 2009th-ish Birthday?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Clearly, that person portrayed in the cake must be M├ętis!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9tis_people_(Canada)

And since most of the aboriginal people who existed before contact were victims of genocide due to the freakin' Pilgrims and ensuing hordes of people and germs invading the New Land, we'll never really know what the first people looked like. Kinda like the Jesus debate...

My little brother, who can't read, is with me at the computer right now. When he saw the picture he said, "Madeleine, is that a bunny? It looks like a bunny!" I cracked up. He asked it so innocently!
~DoctorWhoLuv

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDoctorWhoLuv

LOL reminds me of Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock:

"Uggh, Hugging, it's so ethnic." - Jack Donaghy

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommentershopKCQ

What about the Virgin Mary - she's so white Hitler would have kept her for his Aryan Nation. oh, except for that whole Jewish thing...
Mel Gibson doesn't get alot right these days, but at least his holy figures LOOKED like they were from Nazareth!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersmauge

Ahem...
Procol Harum was the name of the band who originally wrote and recorded "Whiter Shade of Pale" all the way back in the 1960s.
It is also the number one most requested song in Britain of the last 50 years.
Thank you all for making me feel old :p

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

It is not for any of us to judge another's ethnicity - especially based off a shallow character like skin shade.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anonymous' comments about the horrors of pale skin + 40 days in the desert without sunscreen made me cackle. Worse yet, I imagined Jesus wearing a big floppy hat.

The entire office is watching me nervously now, because I can't stop laughing.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You all know Jesus was a White Man from Cambridge - yes?

(Todays "cake" is too awesome for words.)

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

I don't know what goitres look like so I didn't really see them. I did however see the evil jowls of doom! That poor hippie needs some serious plastic surgery.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

Somebody got one too many shots of cortisone.

Jesus is Middle Eastern....God is a bearded old man on a cloud....and I have a friend who says painted images of the Virgin Mary always look like the artist's girlfriend.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Have we been watching the tv show Glee or is it just a huge coincidence that they big song on the show last week was "True Colors" too?

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucia

OH THE CUPCAKE JOWLS!!!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

As someone who actually is 50% Cherokee (and rolls my eyes whenever someone tells me their grandmother was a cherokee princess. I get it A LOT), it does appear that my mothers people were and ARE the Jack Harnesses of their day.

:-)

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess Peaches

Perfect! he he he he

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHappy Campers

Can't you tell? It's a Micheal Jackson (post Thriller) Indian

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

hey! i made some native american and pilgrim cupcakes that i posted on my blog. it was alot of fun.

http://www.booheadswife.com

enjoy!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMira

My neighbour just brought my kid over some weird bibley books from the 60's. I swear to god, that guy is in them.

In the spirit of not talking behind your back, I thought I should let you know that I linked back to you (twice) in my post today.

http://2kids2dogs.blogspot.com/2009/11/im-wreckerator.html

Thanks for the giggle!

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterknitwit

"...just because most Middle-eastern people are dark haired or dark-eyed now doesn't mean that it was the same back then when Europe and America hardly even existed. Where do you think the blond people came from originally?..."

Hee hee. That would be "Norway."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/Wikinger.jpg

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

In accordance with all the religious texts I ever saw as a child, I was given the impression that Jesus was a white guy with brown eyes and hair, with a short beard. Looked rather like one of the BeeGees, actually.

November 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This cake is absolutely perfect for today ... I went to MSN and there's a link to a video where this lady saw Jesus in her iron.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26852192/vp/34207687#34207687?GT1=43001

I swear, Jen, you're psychic.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKamity

I...I feel like I should be offended by this disaster of a cake but I'm not entirely sure why.

Creepy grocery store decorators.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

In honor of this post, I give you this:

http://www.stuffwhitechristianslike.com/2009/02/15-white-jesus.html

Enjoy!

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

Psh. Didn't you know? http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h210/HellboundAlleee/childjesus.jpg" rel="nofollow" rel="nofollow">This is what Jesus looks like!

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHellboundAlleee

ok- obviously the decorator has to know that there are no whiskers on humans... sooo.. what is the reason for the lines resembling whiskers? ...wrinkles?? ..scars???
wreckerators do the darndest things

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Noni Mausa sez:
'... Hee hee. That would be "Norway."'

Exactly what I was thinking, Noni.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

it's so sad that you have to put the disclaimer about not offending this person or that. What kind of crap world has this become....? On to more wreckies!

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlisha Rene'

You forgot to mention that Jesus sings tenor.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For whoever is saying Jesus was "Israeli" and for anyone else who might believe this...

The difference between an Israeli and an Israelite:
# An Israeli is a citizen of Israel (a political state established 1900 years after Jesus was alive.)
# The Israelites are the children of Israel/Jacob.

In other words:
Yeshua Ben Yosef (Jesus) was not Israeli, he was an Israelite. (There was no political state called "Israel" at that time). He was most likely a Galilean Jew speaking Aramaic language.

Interesting for the discussion of Jesus' skin color: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_of_Jesus

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hm, that's funny, we were just talking about Jesus being portrayed as caucasian yesterday.

Funny story: My mom went to a Catholic getting-through-your-separation weekend this past weekend, and was given this lovely prayer card. Unfortunately, the picture of Jesus on the back was a dead ringer for my (blue-eyed, caucasian) father - who is, of course the one my mom is trying to "move on" from. Ha.

wv: outiful - When you're finally "out", it's beautiful.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I must be one of the few who noticed the left eye is looking off somewhere else.....

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Hey Jen! Love de' wrecks. I am *gasping* and excited that you have *morals* (the illusion of such??? :) ), and I respect you for the disclaimer on Jesus, even if it was politics? ;) And taming down on the curse words, as well? Happy day! I (now a *much* happy baker) may visit this wreckily wonderful site more often, now that it's as PG as it's going to get :), as a minor. Kudos and keep it up, por favor! :)

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My husband thinks it looks like Rosie O'Donnell.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShielah

He looks like he's part cat. He has whiskers!

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

Nice! In a groovy kind of way...

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

Ann

Is that really supposed to be cake?
Cause, yikes.

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Also, I get the whole communion being the body and blood of Christ thing, but I think a Jesus (or Indian head, for that matter) cake is a bridge too far. I say it falls into the same category as a cake in the shape of a baby. Who really wants to eat that???

And LOL at the blue-eyed, palefaced either one!

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCourt

It's a Nephite! LOL ;)

December 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Going to step away from the obvious here and correct a comment.

breanna said...
Jen- I am impressed with the Sarah Brighman reference in the title! Love her! Love you!

As much as I, too, enjoy Sarah Brightman...the song "A Whiter Shade of Pale" was originally done by Procol Harum. Many other people have since covered it. I suggest listening to the original as it is the best version over all.

Thank you :)

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdesikaveryn

As a pround super huge retail store wreckreator i will tell u this little number is on a design sheet straight from corporate as a suggested thanksgiving design. Classy just classy! :)

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It seems appropriate that if you are going to celebrate his birth in December, when clearly the only time the shepherds are out watching their sheep all night is during the spring lambing that you should also remember him as a blonde-haired blue-eye nordic looking guy ;-)

Mind you in the baker's defense... you know what happens when they use brown icing, it always looks like Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermystic_eye_cda

It's a perfect Jesus cake, everyone knows Jesus was a hippy (peace and love, man!) :)

I would feel bad taking this poor smiling cake apart though...

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

this indian makes me think about the book of mormon.

http://www.whymormonism.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/Christ_visits_Book_of_Mormon_peoples.jpg

Perfect cake for the Nephite in your life!

December 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkathryn

I do not see Jesus here; I see Quagmire!--Level Best

December 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Does Jesus....have kitty whiskers? Thats...different! ;) xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

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