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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec022009

The Cherry (Blossoms) On Top

One of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:

This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.

First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.

It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.

Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.

I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.

Remember, the flowers are the most important part!

[Crickets chirping]

It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.

Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!

And finally, when all else fails, remember:

You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.

(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)

(And they paid for it.)

(With money.)


Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!

- Related Wreckage: Wedding Day Advice

« Syfy Sacrilege | Main | Merci! »

Reader Comments (123)

I remember the "topper" cake being posted at CakeCentral- the baker was horrified by the topper, which the brides MIL made special.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterblythee

"You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200."
That did me in. Too funny! :D

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Wow-- that cake with the enormous feathery topper really could've used some balloon animals, too. Pity. Also, maybe some circus people standing around to admire it.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

if ever a Bridezilla could be justified in causing a scene, it would be if she were the recipient of one of these beauties!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oooh oooh! I liked the one with no flowers and the weird melted tree poop all over it. Nothing beats tree poop on a cake. NOTHING.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa

That third cake looks like a river of poo lava is flowing down...to where?

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJust the Right Size

Someone finally figured out a use for Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I had a cherry blossom cake for my wedding, but it was actually pretty. The best part? The cake was a Funfetti cake, so yay for sprinkles!

I thought you couldn't mess up blossoms, but sometimes I'm wrong...

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKrista

The words "poo river" came to mind when I saw the one without flowers.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

...but a silver nutmeg and a golden pear.

Many thanks to Christa for putting a nursery song in my head.

Anywhoo, now that I've got that out of my system...regarding the cake with the..um..."interesting" topper...I believe a family member made the topper and insisted it go on the cake?
But now I want to know...did the baker submit this one?

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Just got married in September. The sight of these (and most of your wrecked wedding cakes) gives me residual panic attacks.

Thanksomuch.

Carry on.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

The he!! I would pay for any of those!

On the one hand, my heart is aching for those poor brides, but they chose to pay for them! Heck, if I went to pick up my wedding cake and it looked like any of those, I would rather go buy a plain white sheet cake from the local bakery.

WV: mooldis

Some of those cake wrecks look rather mooldis. Yuk. ><

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

This may be a really stupid question, but maybe I'm not the only one wondering...

What does WV stand for? I see it in comments on here all the time and I get that it has something to do with made-up vocabulary, but that's all I've been able to figure out.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

oh the horrors, the one with the massive topper, since when are cherry blossoms purple and pink? at least it sorta matched

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

That first picture was my wedding cake inspiration!! Luckily, although my cake didn't look exactly like it, it was not a wreck. Very simple and lovely. And free, since it was included with the venue.

I'm so glad I didn't get one of these wrecks. And glad I didn't see this post before my wedding -- I'd lose sleep.

How do these bakeries get it so wrong?

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebby

Well...the one with the fairy bride and groom would actually be rather pretty, if they just toned down the topper a bit. Alas. (I like the embossed fondant)

The rest are definitely in the best wrecky tradition! Whew!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Now I know what design I'd love to get if I ever get married, but I'll be showing this entry to the bakers to make sure they weren't one of them that was featured on this entry.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

What a beautiful cake . . . and so many different ways to ruin it!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Ahahahaaaaaa...

@Tigerwolf and Anony 11:56-- I don't know which of you I loved more today!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing."

*Shudder* Perish the thought.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

"Were they proud of this cake? Did they know it was a wreck when they delivered it? It just boggles the mind."

Exactly what I wondered! And WHO would pay for such a thing? I'd cry and pitch a huge bridezilla fit if these showed up at my wedding!!

Disregarding the drips, I actually like the 2nd cake, the green one. It has a nice art-deco feel to it, even if it wasn't intended. Also (correct me if i'm wrong), it appears to be fondant free, and yet is perfectly smooth.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterardie

Behind the last cake you can see one more branch that didn't get added to the wreckage -- so somebody looked at that cake and said "there, that is just the right amount of stick!"

wv= word verification
When I first starting reading the posts I thought everyone was mocking West Virginia

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

I'll just jam a stick in my eyes, thank you...

eilbeback

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

wv: "Supri": how much of the word "Suprise!" the baker managed to get out when delivering the cake, before the bride went ballistic.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoe

I can never decide if I love the hilarity of the wedding cake posts, or if I'm just heartbroken for whoever they belong to.

Either way, it just makes me glad we had pies for our wedding dessert and not cake. Can't go wrong with pies.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBek

Why do so many wreckerators have a hard time icing a cake smoothly? I'm FAR from being a professional cake decorator and even I can manage a uniform surface!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

Re: The incongruous topper. I think what likely happens in these situations is that the couple says "no toppers" and then some well-meaning relative gives you one at your shower or hands it to you at your rehearsal dinner as a gift. Sometimes it's easier to just shut up and put the thing on the cake, rather than argue about it or worry about offending your new in-law.

Of course, if it happened to me, such a topper would have a horrible "accident" on the way to the venue and it couldn't possibly be replaced on time. "Imagine how tragic it was that my dog chewed it up, the cat peed on it, and then the neighbor's truck ran it over three times, but I guess we'll have to make do without it."

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love the Jungle Cake! They should stick Tarzan on top and call it a day.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

Did that topper Bride and Groom actually have WINGS????? OMG!!!!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first cake is just gorgeous. I love the cherry blossom cakes!

but...#2 has the wrong flower (oversized!) and the minty green cake looks like it's being attacked by licorice whips. yum.

#3 is suffering from an apparently lava mud flow that has killed off the flowers and left the greenery.

#4 has some poorly executed poo-vines and flowers. and if that's not bad enough, the fairies on top decided to bring daisies and lilacs and tulle! O-VER-KILL.

what's with all the green ribbons?

stick a stick in it? great solution. poor stabbed cake. and the daisies are lurking the background to hop on...

(this was paid for? really?)

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoanne

I'm with B--I sort of like the Seuss cake, too, although I can't figure out what the thing is in front of it. It's better than the cake below it which is being taken over by a Triffid. Yi . . .

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Dear Last Cake in this Entry,

I am so pissed off with you. You are a terrible, terrible cake. How could you even excuse yourself for existing ESPECIALLY on a day like a wedding. You should have never been made!

I hate you so much I could spit! What's you're problem! Stop looking at me! Don't you have any manners! Stand up straight! Tuck yourself in the chrissakes. And, by the love of all that is holy, take out those piercings! This is a f'in spiritual ceremony of f'in love and f'in commitment! I hate you I hate you I hate you!

Sincerely,
Concerned Wreck-watcher.

W.V.: "neads" It neads to be said.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterE.M. Green

@Tigerwolf and Anony 11:56-- HAHAHA!!! I think that's funnier than today's entry...which is pretty dang funny...."jam a stick in it and charge $200"--FABULOUS!

Bonnie B ;)

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

I'm disturbed that I got the $500 sprinkles and cookie cake reference without clicking the link. LOL

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

The green one doesn't have branches. It's an ant farm.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFiberQat

That last cake is just wrong!

WV: objecus . . . I objecus to the way these cakes turned out for wedding days!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

Cake decorations just don't grow on trees - oh wait! They do!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

It has been a very long time since I have baked cakes of any kind, but if challenged, I could make one that would be 100% better than the last one - you know, the one with the fake branch stuck in it. (rolls eyes)

I can't imagine paying anyone for these disasters. A bride, her mother, and mother-in-law would have to have a marvelous sense of humor to keep any one of these cakes. How sad!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would add my voice to those decrying the last cake in the post as the Wreckiest of all! On a slight tangent, does anyone know how this trend started? Was anyone else reminded by what I choose to call the "real" cake of the _beautiful_ film "Random Harvest," where cherry blossoms are symbolically important to the romance?

WV: erseemac. Bride: Er, see, Mac, here's the thing... [knocks baker out cold]

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucy

I was thinking you could make a $500 cake look like a $40 cake with the right cookies and sprinkles, too. Or maybe just a couple of branches.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

How do we know that the baker put that horrific topper on the cake (note that the groom is wearing fairy wings in it. That detail gave me the chuckles)?

That could have just as easily been something the couple picked out and insisted on.

WV: disupste - kind if like if you mix "disgusted" with "upset"

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrendan

First off: Jen, that last comment from "Brendan" about the cake topper with WV "disupste" - that was me and not "Brendan" (my fiance). I hadn't noticed he was still signed in.

Secondly: this is why we're getting a tiramisu instead of a wedding cake. Considering their reputation for tasting like styrofoam and the prices charged for them, we'd rather eat a really good cake-like dessert than risk the horror that could come with an actual cake.

Thirdly:

HAHAHAHAHA!

WV: "florist"

As in, it takes a bad baker to create most of these disasters, but that last one...that takes a supremely talentless FLORIST!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

OH MY GOSH! LOL!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucia Winter

I laughed so hard at the "[crickets chirping]" that my guinea pigs ran and hid in their houses.

wrecked wedding cakes are my fave...i'm going to try to get my friend to submit her wedding cake, it was horrible...leaning tower with polka dots...

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Isn't there some kind of policy where you can return the cake for your money back? I'd rather have no cake at all then those.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm just waiting for the topper on #4 to fall off the back of the cake so I can yell "timber!"

As for #5 yeah, I'd take a stick and jam it somewhere if that cake was presented to me for my wedding. No jury in the land would convict you. Provided you showed them this picture.

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJerry

wow. that cake topper is a thing of beauty!

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdavid@zinniafilms.com

Thankfully, our cherry blossom cake turned out FAB!

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2515/3832750574_b2f42038cd_b.jpg

(Yes, that's 2 Mickey's on top!)

FYI, from this bakery:
http://www.lapatisserie.net/

December 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJefferson

I like how there's an alternate stick waiting patiently behind the cake, in case the first stick doesn't work out. That's the kind of attention to detail your $200 gets you.

December 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiminycricket

Anyone else notice how the "branches" on the green cake have started to bleed? Bleeding branches. Awesome.

WV: iniso - Iniso sad that these cakes are, well, so sad.

December 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

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