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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Aug062014

The Cherry (Blossoms) On Top

One of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:

(By Diane's Cakes and More)

 

This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.

 

First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.

It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.

 

Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.

I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.

 

Remember, the flowers are the most important part!

[Crickets chirping]

 

It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.

Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!

 

And finally, when all else fails, remember:

You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.

(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)

(And they paid for it.)

(With money.)

 

Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (44)

As mud-clogged cascades,
so too love's celebration.
Let the river flow.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sung to "Single Ladies" (Put a Ring on It)

All you Single ladies (with your cherry cakeys)
If their icing's shaky (and their piping's flaky)
And they're lacking daisies (and their topper's crazy)
All you single ladies
Don't throw your hands up

Cause if you hate it then you could just jam a stick in it
If you hate it then you could just jam a stick in it
Don't be mad or declare that you don't want it
If you hate it then you could just jam a stick in it

Uh uh oh, no no no, uh uh oh, no no no
Uh uh oh, no no no, uh uh oh, no no no

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Wings!! The bride and groom have FAIRY WINGS! I just ..... I just ...... so much.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Wreck #1 I could get smoother frosting using a trowel
Wreck #2 looks like a snail had a stomach upset on it.
Wreck #3 looks like a giant snail had a stomach upset on it.
Wreck #4 the understated elegance is breathtaking in its simplicity
Wreck #5 I think Sharyn says it best!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Someone paid $200 for that cake?!?!?!? As Grumpy Cat would say, 'Nope nope nope'

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Holy god. I'm beside myself with disbelief.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersoundsorceress

Thanks, Sharyn! Snorting coffee here.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Trees (with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)


I thought that I would never see
A cake impaled by a tree.

A tree into the frosting pressed
(a twig for each and every guest);

“A tree?” is what the guest will say,
As it takes their breath away.

A tree placed with such laissez-faire:
The bride is pulling out her hair.

(However, and this is nice,
A toothpick comes in every slice.)

Poem are made by fools like me
But only a jerk wood add a tree.

* * * * *
wv: duptur – all she wanted was a nice cake, but when she saw this wreck she knew he had duptur….

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

These cakes may have (actually) all been "just lovely" (to SOMEone)... Still, in the 5th photo from the top...I'm REALLY trying to *wrap my head around* a reason/excuse/inside joke for what looks like wings sprouting from the backs of the bride and groom. (No, I'm not "on" anything. Maybe I should be?) =^o.0^=
@Sharyn: Actually, looking at some of these creepations makes me almost want to "jam a stick in" my EYES!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I like the ant farm cake...

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

"It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Good one, Jen

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

@Jamie: totally stealing the phrase "I just...I just...so much" That phrase is so very expressive and it can be used for SO MANY things...especially here at CW. I find a lot of new expressions that way...by borrowing and/or appropriating. Thank you.

mel; the poem was sublime indeed

and what's the deal with the first wreck? The flowers are bigger than the bride and groom "sider" - well, it's NOT a topper! So, it's a "sider"...Was it an Audrey II plant instead of Cherry Blossoms?

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

@mel: You just reminded me how much I miss the word verifications...

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

OK, leaving off the question of why the bridal couple have wings (maybe they met LARPing or something), and apparently they REALLY like butterflies and flowers (too much is never enough) but one thing perplexes me: WHY is the groom also holding a bouquet? Does he throw it afterward to his groomsmen?

I can just see that scene: tuxedoed men vying NOT to catch the bouquet, after the groom hikes it. Someone could get hurt.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Inedible arrangements .

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Orchids are the new cherry blossoms, apparently.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterViktorya

Well the wreckorator didn't choose that monstrosity of a topper (I'd lay money on that thing having fiber optics and a battery pack) so I'm sure the bride was just tickled pink with that cake. Now, I've been chastised about being negative about toppers before (yes, I'm sure it was meant to be "fun"), and it didn't stop me from commenting on the tackiness this time either, so you can defend the fairy forest all you want, but I still say "Boooooooooo! Booooooooo!".
As usual, @Haiku Joy, @SueBee (ant farm made me bark out a laugh... not sexy), @Sharyn and @mel, I tip my hat to you. I would love to have friends as witty as you in my area, but I'll have to settle for a little peek of your comedic genius M-S on my favorite cake page :)

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

I think the vines on the third attempt look like poison ivy. If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Mel, haiku joy and Sharyn should get together as a comedy group XD as for that last cake, the person who charged 200 for that abomination has as they say in NY Chutzpah

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

*blink*blink*

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlaura

🌸+🍰=FAIL

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

If you haven't thought of it, be sure to do a search for the original posting when CW does Wrecky Replays. The comments on those are usually just as golden as on the replay!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Did anyone notice the extra stick in the background? That is definitely what would help...more sticks!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjess

To the writers of cakewrecks, may I nominate someone to be your official poet? I would like to nominate the very creative and imaginative Sharyn!!! Her creative lyrics and words always have my sides splitting!! LOL I just love her stuff!! Thank you Sharyn!! :D

And the cakes, well.....I still cant believe someone would put a stick in it!! LOL I'm no professional baker by any means but when I make a cake for someone, I definitely make sure the icing is at least smooth in appearance. Do these bakers/cake decorators not possess one ounce of common sense or do they not have standards??

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjracus

Was the last cake done by the same baker that used a tree branch to hold the wedding cake together?

Having a flashback here to a moment in May, when my son and I were walking through Antwerp, Belguim with my sister and her kids. We came upon a chocolate store that had a GORGEOUS cherry blossom tree in the window. There was a beautiful log underneath. And sprouting out of the log were pieces of white asaparagus that looked very. . . . Phallic. All made of chocolate, of course!

http://tcassiday.smugmug.com/Vacation/Europe-2014-Amsterdam/i-PD69MJ4

Um, yes, it reaaly IS asparagus!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Big Wreck with a Cherry Tree

Thought the baker knows me better than I know myself
So I’m gonna let him do all the baking’
I came across his shop in the middle of nowhere
With a bunch of wrecks with a cherry tree

I felt a little sick within my gut
He said, “Decorate! Big branches breaking.”
But the bunch of wrecks warned, Hey Lady! (When the bunch of wrecks warned, “Look at these!”)
Said, “Look this way, want a cake like these?” (Said, “Hey, Lady, want a cake like these?)

But I said no, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, those cakes are not for me
No, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, those wrecks are not for me

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

My 7 year old really liked the one with a stick in it. At least when he gets married that one will be really cheap to recreate.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJustTink

Sooo much funny here! (I haven't been able to post much lately, and certainly nothing even remotely pithy, because I've had someone sharing my desk for the past few weeks. Seriously cuts into my goofing off time, I tell ya!)

SarahCVT, OMG, I didn't notice the groom's bouquet until you pointed it out!! It's certainly,um...an alternative wedding. I was thinking that the way his cuff and tuxedo shirt are positioned in the picture, it looks like a roll of toilet paper. That was before you pointed out his bouquet! With TP and posies, he's ready for any contingency on his wedding night!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

@TLC: Well, you nailed it; those things really do look like fine, upstanding examples of...er...yeah. OR, the legs and feet of white cats~coming up out of the ground. (?) Either way, they'd both be perfect for folks who're trying to stick to a diet. =^e.e^=

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The branches on the Fairy Forest cake remind me of the brambles taking over the castle in Sleeping Beauty.
This might be a good thing!
Also, I thought the groom's bouquet was an
out-of-proportion boutonniere.
I just love simple & understated!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

I love it how the second wrecker haad the nerve of putting what looks like a copyright watermark on the photo :p

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNuri

To be fair,

The bride and groom usually supply the cake topper and not the baker or decorator. Pretty sure that bit of fascinating tackiness can be blamed on someone else LOL

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeeDee

@VaBeach alemaP: ah, yes...well, someday maybe I'll be in the Norton Anthology of Poetry...or maybe the Snortin' Anthology of Poetry...
@Sharyn: I miss it, too....since this is a Wrecky Replay, I thought I'd replay one from the achieves....
@CBushLite: we are in your area! We're right here on CW with you! In fact, while CW commenters live all over the world, despite our physical distances, we are all together here, enjoying the blog and the comments and each other. And thank you for your kind comment.
@mindy1: hahaha....we are ALL part of a comedy group here! Led and inspired by Jen and john(thoJ), this is without a doubt the funniest community on the internet!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Is that picture actually watermarked?

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

The HUGE blossoms on wreck #2 look more like orchids than cherry blossoms...

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJayde

Uh, the cake with the stick? Looking at the cake underneath, that stick might actually be an improvement. Someone needed to lick their fingers to smooth the icing, right?

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Please tell me that the proud couple behind wreck number four actually wore Ren-Fair style wings and carried matching bouquets during the wedding. That would just take the whole thing so far past wrecky, it might be good again.
And to be fair to the baker, if it weren't for all the fake flowers and butterflies that were added, that cake would actually be lovely. I wouldn't want it for myself, but I could see someone really rocking it at a wedding with a light fantasy theme.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

#4 looks like a river of poo flowing down the mountain. Yummy!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth

I about died laughing while watching that episode of "Semi Homemade" live! I showed it to my husband (then boyfriend) and now we talk about it any time we're trying to make something fancy. Our favorite part is when Mario Lopez tries to add the smiley face and she looks at him like he's the ridiculous one in the situation!

My birthday is coming up in two weeks and he offered me a rectangular cake with a round cake "plopped down on top"!

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

sure, the icing on that first one isn't smooth, but at least the flowers are half-way decent.

August 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

um. they're all pretty hideous.

August 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Oh man lmao. The stick coming out of the cake is just priceless. Nothing could make me want to even try and explain why there is a stick in the cake..that poor bride.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

WIngs, I KNOW!!! Mmm Mmmmmm... AND, are those butterfly HAIR CLIPS (ALSO KNOWN AS: Orchid stem holders?) scattered through the frosting frothed breeze?

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjude dorsman

Sakura is a terrible idea for wedding cakes. Cherry blossom viewing is supposed to be bittersweet, the viewers enjoy the beauty of the flowers while contemplating how soon they will fade away.

The first thing that comes to mind to me when I see cherry blossoms on a cake is that the people getting married don't expect the marriage will last long.

August 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKevin Horner

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