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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec232009

Happy Festivus!

You Seinfeld fans probably remember the made-up holiday "for the rest of us": Festivus. For everyone else: hey, did you know there's a made-up holiday today called Festivus? 'Cuz there is. And folks celebrate it, too.

So, apparently bakers figured, hey, if you can't beat 'em...


...misspell their Festivus cakes.

A good Festivus has a few key components. After you've erected the Festivus pole (an aluminum pole used in place of a Christmas tree) and had the Festivus dinner, you then move on to the traditional Airing of Grievances. This is when you tell each family member how s/he has disappointed you in the last year:

"Dude! Not cool! I told you that in confidence!"

"What? That was a gift!"

Which can also be a time of really opening up to your parents:

So as you can see, the Airing of Grievances is a lot like your average family reunion.

Finally, you wrap up the day's celebration with the traditional "Feats of Strength."

Wow. That's one disarmingly flexible cake.

This is when the head of the household selects one family member to wrestle, since tradition states that Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned.

Of course, you can always count on someone to take tradition a little too far.

Well, Happy Festivus, Heidi B., Becky L., Wendy B., Rebecca B., & Lynn G.! Oh, and if you're not buying this, just read the Festivus book; it's all in there.

- Related Wreckage: Kwanzaa Will Not Be Spared

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Today's charity, To Write Love On Her Arms, is dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. The story behind their name is pretty darn cool, too.

Click here to donate your dollar via our First Giving page.

« Yule Wonder | Main | Choose Your Own ADVENTure... »

Reader Comments (77)

Festivus for the Rest of Us! Hehe.

WV: tracto - Something my two-year-old would love for Christmas. "Momma, I weally want a tracto."

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

The post is great as always but I wanted to comment to say Thank You for chosing To Write Love On Her Arms as your charity of the day! There isn't enough info out there about Suicide Prevention and I'm glad that CakeWrecks is spreading the word.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGrumpyBear in Blue

Ok, that face cake is going to give me nightmares!!!!!11

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

I want the story behind the man thong cake. That's amazingly disturbing. And the arm cake? Eww. We (the office gals and I) thought it looked more like a deformed foot than an arm...eek.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterViewtiful_Justin

I think the slash is an underused punctuation mark in bakery. As well as Festiv/us, we could have Christm/as, Ha/llowe'en, E/as/ter, and Valent/in/es D/ay.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterros

That slash cannot be an accident. Nobody makes a mistake like that. The baker must've been making fun of the customer's hiccups or something. Right?

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

Wow! the "Feats of Strength" cake looks more like the "FEETS of Strength" cake!!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

whoa, man. And the last one? AUGH WHAT IS THAT I DON'T EVEN

Is the Festivus pole sturdy and attached at ceiling and floor both? I could do a little dance!

Also: How come these places don't know how to do a shell border properly? What are those ugly stretched out things? The deformed cousin of the shell border, the one no one talks about?

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

This post is hilarious as always, but I really wanted to comment to also say thanks for choosing To Write Love On Her Arms as today's charity! It's an awesome charity, and not enough people get to hear about it. :)

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

I would like to thank you for promoting To Write Love On Her Arms. It is a charity with a lot of personal importance to me, and it's lovely to see it get support from such a great group of people!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Poo brown background-check.
Icky black border-check.
Random red and white "snow" sprinkles-check.
Blue tree stump-check.
Floating fat penguin and levitating drippy trees-check.
Random slash in the middle of the word-check.

Happy Festiv/us everyone! This CAKE has a lot of grievances.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoanne

Actually, the funniest part about our Festivus cake wasn't the spelling (which was actually an in-joke among English grad students at our holiday party), but the fact that the baker accidentally swirled the icing on the snowman's lower half so he had a penis. He was more excited to be on the cake than we'd intended!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi B

Why is there kale (or is it parsley?) around the head cake? Why??? Green veggies and big bald head cakes should never no never share a platter! And why is there a pile of "dog hair" at the front? Could it be "someone" has some sort of passive aggressive "grievance" about the poor guy's "bea/rd" and die/t?

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKari

I'd love to know the backstory on thong cake. and what's with the two tone pink cake? is that a big amoeba?

the sucky parents cake looks so festive with that shiny colorful gel border. I actually like that! (and it's ice cream....) and who wouldn't want to give someone a cake like that? at least they were nice enough to give them ice cream cake to the people that suck.

Now the bodybuilder cake with the scary shoulder growth and tiny fist....and the tiny "weight"--that needs some work.

The head cake is the stuff of nightmares. thos big buggy eyes, the predatorial sneer, the beard on half his face (does he shave one side or did we run out of brown icing?) the uneven brows. the egg nose. the chrome dome. *shudder* and it's served on a bed of parsley! (or some other greenery) Are we sure that's cake??? I have grievances of my own against that cake.

hilarious post, Jen! It's about time Festivus got its due. And I like the idea of an Advent cake or CCC (from one of your poster yesterday?)

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I almost wish I had a reason to order cakes 2, 3 & 4. Well... maybe not 2.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Yup! As I said yesterday... it's going to take me a while to be my normal self after that hideous, disgusting intestine cake! all the cakes today look beautiful, fancy and with very good taste in comparison!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCoffee Lovers

it's a shame the first wreck totally missed the concept of festivus. snowmen? christmas trees?!

where's the aluminum pole?!?! what we need here is a festivus miracle!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

I admit, I love the "you suck for different reasons" cake....

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramy

the "arm" looks like an elf shoe.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma C.

The scary thing is, if the tattoo sleeve covered more of the arm I would swear this cake was made for my brother who is a body builder of similar proportions to that cake. It may have been and no one told me.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I love Festivus!

...but that "Feats of Strength" arm looked like a foot at first.

Haha!
www.dailyridiculous.com

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwww.dailyridiculous.com

I'm pretty sure that last head cake is a reproduction of one of the three disembodied heads in Hayao Miyakaki's "Spirited Away," a frankly awesome animated movie. Screencap here: http://www.stomptokyo.com/img-m6/spirited-away-c.jpg

It's a fairy tale; the heads are servants of the mostly evil witch Yubaba. Not what I would choose for a cake, mind you, but probably easier than the dragons or paper airplanes or crows or radish spirits in the rest of the movie. Rounder.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

This is totally my favorite post ever!!!!!!! I wish someone would have made the pole, though! (with no tinsel--that's distracting)

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I'm chiming in to say thank you for choosing TWLOHA as well; way too few people know about it, and this is a great way to get the word out.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The pink cake apparently got wet, too. Delicious.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

X3

I love Festivus.

WV: throp

What happens if the head of the household isn't pinned and Festivus doesn't end.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love that 'You Both Suck' cake! That one works for any occasion really.

But that arm cake (shiver)..........

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHobbit

Oh, my, Heidi! I didn't realize he had such issues *peers at the picture on the screen* but I do see that he's "smiling happy" (Christmas Story reference)

wv: opilydo
"let's get this opilydo baked into a christmas tree of cinnamon buns."

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I wonder if it's too late to call Dairy Queen for one of these, in time for our Christmas Eve gathering? I suddenly find that I can't stop crying (and I can't decide how much of it's out of mirth, what with a family gathering just thisclose...)

Thanks for a much-needed laugh today! :D

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The subtle flavor of Jesus all around today's charity's website is disconcerting. People with severe mental health issues need help, and they need it without being assaulted with demands to pray, repent, or love. Recruiting people when they are at their weakest is a classic cult tactic, but that doesn't mean mainstream religions don't do it, too.

It's important that people with serious mental health issues get help, but I'm not convinced this is the right path.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that last cake is supposed to look like a Gentle Giant - as in the first self-titled album by the band of that name. Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum ...

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbrian t

Hilarious cakes, as usual!

Also, I want to say thank you for featuring TWLOHA today. They are a fantastic organization and have been very important in my life. I was thrilled to see them on the blog!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVictoria Elizabeth

Wears man thong hehe I love it. But it's always your comment underneath that makes me really laugh out loud

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNiecey

*gasp* Can't...stop...laughing...

WV: caledup--"For Festivus, I caledup everyone I know to tell them that you wear a man thong!"

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

After I finally caught my breath from laughing at the cakes today, I read the story from TWLOHA and my eyes filled with tears. A girl I was friends with for many years as kids, but lost touch with when we were teens, committed suicide years ago, and I remember the confusion I felt. I just couldn't envision her taking her own life...

So I'm donating for Dedra and all others like her.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

yesss totally love Seinfeld references, too bad the cake did not do the ep much justice.
Excellent choice for a charity, I learned about them last year and they sound like a great organization:)

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

By any chance does that pink cake maybe have all too much in common with, er... yellow snow?

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You have featured so many wonderful charities. Thank you so much for making To Write Love On Her Arms one of those. I have worked with teenage girls for 11 years now, and have been there watching so many struggle with self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA has been a God-Sent! Oh, and thanks to you as well for always putting a smile on my face, no matter what I have encountered in my day!!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The "you both suck..." cake is my favorite..... makes me think I'd like something like that for my old boss.

But thanks also for writing about the charity - I didn't know about them, but now I do -- thank you.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJo

I too am a little bothered by the overtly Christian aspect of today's charity. Religion is divisive, and one need not believe in god to do good and help their fellow man. There are tons of charities out there that do good work without ever bringing religion into the mix. I wish you would have chosen religion-neutral charities only so as not to alienate non-believers and people of other faiths. :(

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda T.

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for raising money for To Write Love on Her Arms!! It means SOOO much! Such an amazing organization!!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

the last CW gave me the willies. quite literally, i shivered in my chair. uck.

funny, as usual. Happy Festivus!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

If it was green, that head cake would look like one of the bouncing heads from spirited away.

If you've never seen them, go here,
skip to 6:00
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4fabj_spirited-away-episode-part-3-anime_shortfilms

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

TWLOHA is my favorite charity and I participate in their awarness day every year!!! I am so thrilled that we wreckies get to stand behind them!!! Thank you Jen and John!!

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJ.Bacon

You know, I bet the grievances *would* be better coming in cake form! :D BRILLIANT!

Thank you for sharing the festivus spirit with us :).

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Knight

Thank you for choosing To Write Love on her Arms as your charity today!
Donna

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJaevenStar

Post is great is always, but I just wished to comment to say thanks for choosing my two favorite charities. Operation Smile and TWLOHA both mean a lot to me and have both brought smiles to my face.

I don't want to start a fight - it's really rather hypocritical to fight about religion - but I just wanted to say two things.

Those of you who think it's too religious:
1) They state clearly that although they are Christian and do convey a message of God's love, they try not to smack of an overly-religious nature. But like us all, they make mistakes as we do.
2) They're not forcing people to pray or trying to convert.... Love is (I should hope!) something that transcends any sort of religious barriers - and Christian, Jewish, atheist, Muslim, Hindu, or whatever "religion" (or lack of religion) a certain individual belongs to, they all need love. *We* all need love. Fundamentally, all TWLOHA is trying to say is that you are loved *despite* your "weirdness" or your religion or your actions.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHappy_Girl

Apparently To Write Love On Her Arms only actually donates 25% of their profits? Really?
http://acronym.imsa.edu/node/459

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie =

Thank you for recognizing Festivus! All of my friends think I'm CRAZY for wishing them a Happy Festivus. Just wait till I post this link to my Facebook. That'll show 'em.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHAPPY FESTIVUS

I would have to agree with those who are a little affronted by the charity chosen for today. I'm sure they do good work, and I'm totally on board with supporting suicide prevention organizations. I too have a personal stake in this. But surely there could have been another superb choice that didn't hit so hard with the religious underpinnings. I would not take issue with anyone's personal choice of belief or charity, but if this was to be a mission to include all your readers, this choice will make many of us thoroughly uncomfortable.

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaren

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