My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

That Personal Touch

When you start a new job it's always nice to feel welcomed. This lucky individual - who may or may not be named "Steve" - got a cake:

Supposedly that reads "Greetings Coworker," but it looks more like "Exploiker" to me. Regardless, it's nice to see a little Alien Robot lingo being used in the workplace. (Back in the day I was known to bleat out the occasional "EXTERMINATE!" when talking to the "parental units," but then a friend told me I was "too carbon-based" to pull off the 'bot vibe, so I stopped.)

If there's ever a time to celebrate your individuality, though, it's your birthday:

So remember, Chris's sister: You are unique. Just like the rest of Chris's siblings.

Of course, Chris's sister is older than Chris, so what do you suppose her first three birthday cakes read? "Happy Birthday, To-Be-Determined-Upon-the-Birth-of-Our-Next-Child?"

And for those picky people who want their actual names on a cake, bakeries are now offering some handy fill-in-the-blank form cakes:

Just pick out which awkwardly worded, misspelled message you would like, write in the name of your choice using the mismatched icing tube, and voila! One personalized, heartfelt Wreck!

Generic Wreckporter, Becky F., and Carmen, thanks for all wonderful Wrecks.

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Reader Comments (97)

For some reason this port reminds me of the restaurant I went to for my 22nd birthday. The waitstaff came out with a cake and sang: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear customer, Happy Birthday to you.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnother other mother

I shared a birthday with an uncle, and it was only a week before my father's. To simplify family get togethers we often shared a birthday cake (or pie, or watermelon (in the case of my brother and cousin's July birthday)) (I'm getting confused in the parentheses, here). Anyway, I'm not sure my life was ruined, but then, my family was good about seeing the names were spelled right. Anyway, I may be messed up now, but thankfully it's not because of birthday cake.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Thanks for the Mamories Oma.

I'm thinking this cake is from the granddaughter who is pretty proud of the the shall we say it....."ASSETS" that were handed down to her ;)

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

I was almost sad when the bakery got my boss' cake absolutely right today, because it meant I wouldn't be submitting it to Cake Wrecks. :(

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorgi

Oh my. Thanks for the inspiration. I am DEFINITELY doing a cake in early June for our two youngest daughters. It will say, "Happy 21st Birthday Kate" and "Happy 24th birthday Kate's Sister."

My stomach hurts from laughing, and Kate has approved this cake idea.

Now I'm just trying to figure out colors for it all. Can't use St. Paddy's Day green.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKevin

I love the Doctor Who Dalek reference on the first cake haha :)

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I laughed so hard about the second cake/your commentary. Thanks for brightening my day by a bit, lol.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow, before I actually read what was written about the cake, it took me forever to try and decifer what the first cake read. "Congratulations Coworker"?? I can tell you right now that this is NO WHERE near what I was thinking--I actually don't really know what I was thinking--I just know that this wasn't close at all.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAleesuhn_Muhree

People, people! This is what happens when privacy laws go too far! The HR rep did not have the new employee's permission to communicate his/her name yet. And I bet someone stepped out of bounds by writing a name on the card envelope before all the background checks were complete.

It goes without saying that Chris's sister just wants to protect her identity, especially now that she's 21.

Suzanne S.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is it me, or does the color of poor Oma's name really clash with the rest of the cake?

And once again, we have that lovely combination of spacing, misspelling, and tilting upward to the right that gives cakes that "special" touch. sprinkles?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

it makes me wonder if Chris, being younger, was always refered to as Sister's Name Here's little brother, and this is some family fun revenge?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercrayonbeam

Dear Company,

While passing the time until my much anticipated first day on the job with you, I was reading my favorite blog and discovered what cakewreckers you people really are. As a lifelong fan of cakes, I cannot abide such thoughtless wreckoration. Therefore, I tender my resignation before I begin.



P.S. I have a friend in the same field who is currently seeking employment. His name is Steve.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Perhaps Oma breastfed her children. And grandchildren...

And perhaps after all those years and feedings, her breasts began... migrating, as they are wont to do in the later years.

Thanks, Oma, for the wanderful mamories.....

wv: myoustly. I'm myoustly joking.... myoustly.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal

Not to mention the use of bad grammar. It should read "Chris' sister".

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

Aspiloiker is how I read the first cake. Poor Steve.

I am a twin, and my parents never made my sister and me share a cake. Ever. And even though our birthday is at the end of October, we never had Halloween cakes. It can be done.

The last cake did look like "Mamories" until I viewed it larger. Even though the handwriting is rather poor, it does actually spell "Memories." Still an unfortunate cake, but I'm guessing that Oma didn't actually get to see it, being dead and all.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKath

Mj said
The third one is not a fail. Oma is german for grandma

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. If Oma is the one who is responsible for All Wonderful memories, then I think she deserves TWO cakes!

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterelesa

the word Oma does mean "grandmother" in German. it may also mean it in Dutch, but it definitely means it in German.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwordnerd

Judy... you have a being entangled in your hair???? Definitely get your hands off of it!!! lol

My own Grandmother's name was Oma and I'm named after her (spelling is different though...don't ask...I don't know why...) What I was thinking about the last cake was that someone may have misspelled the name and it had to be corrected, but whoever did it didn't have the correct color.
Either way....niiiiiice!! lol

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOlson

one year (a long time ago) we had a family get-together while my mom was home for the summer from Grad School. We decided to celebrate everyone's birthday's, my graduation, my brother's wedding and Mother & Fathter's Day all in one cake. They picked my favorite color - purple, and the bakery actually pulled it off really well. Wish I had a pick of that cake. It definitely did not fit the 'wreck' catergory.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterbigSIS

I have a very good friend who is always greeted with "Oh you're [her brother's name] sister!" They are both now in their 40's and she STILL gets this from time to time. *facepalm* They are 11 months apart, but if their birthday was on the same day I wonder if someone would get the cake for them as a joke. She wouldn't find it funny though...

The Oma cake looks beautiful, but the writing is wrecktastic. I'm sure (if it wasn't for her funeral 0_o) that as a wonderful grandma, Oma would think it was the most beautiful cake in the world. (grandmas are good at that kind of thing, you know)

The coworker cake...I wouldn't eat that much red frosting if you paid me. Bleh! never mind that it's so artfully written in the national language of Wreckistan.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

haha! This is your best post in awhile!

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Masked Mommy

That first cake definitely says "Aprilorter" - an obvious homage to Ninja Turtles April the reporter.

As for "Cris's sister" - That cake is really wrecky. Nothing like receiving a personally humiliating birthday cake from the current holiday stock.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I laughed so hard at that first cake. It looks as if someone just squeezed the piping bag arbitrarily. Well, just make it look like a name, and you'll be okay.

And the last one struck me because I had a great-great aunt named Oma, and I've never seen the name anywhere else.

Word verification: Dripat. Just dripat frosting anywhere on the cake and call it a day.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy


Wreck number one definitely says PepePorker.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

So...what's the deal with all the "Mamaries" in question?
I know what you guys are getting at, >^~-^<, but for one thing, it should be spelled "mammaries," and for a second thing, shouldn't it be just "Thanks for BOTH of the mammaries"? Unless Oma is a possum or cat or something. Whatever.
At least they were no doubt wonderously FULL...

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I am pleased with the Doctor Who reference.

Very pleased.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSweet Bird

Red icing. Isn't that hazardous to your health?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

Hiii Nice cake blog..i have can many cake again on this blog happy nice day

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCoca Cola Cake

Fly-by commenting. Doctor Who reference for the win!

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

OMG, the last one - when I was managing a bakery at a big-box store I was in very very early one morning making donuts and this woman came in and grabbed one of our "Happy Birthday" cakes out of the case. She asked me if I would put a name on it. Well apart from the fact that my cursive is just AWFUL (I have been exclusively printing since high school) I was NOT a cake decorator, just the department manager. AND the icing the C.D had piped the writing in wasn't in a bag any more so I had to grab the next-closest color. UGH! My cake probably looked a lot like this one. I apologized profusely to the customer but she said it looked "great". Yeeeaaah. Not so much.

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I was so glad I was alone when I read this post, since I did laugh out loud. And then I could practice my alien robot impersonation greeting a new coworker.

And to the few of you who don't think the Oma cake is a wreck: it is not because the name is uncommon! It is because it was an afterthought in mismatched icing, there are missing word(s), and spacing issues. Definately a wreck.

And to the mom's that make one sheet cake for two kids special days: if it bothers them, cut it in half and make TWO cakes. Wow. Not hard. Buying from the store, 2 half sheets cost mores than 1 full sheet, but if you make yourself, just spread the icing a little thinner!!!


April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my goodness. These cakes plus your witty commentary (they score almost evenly right now) made me laugh loudly. Thanks for the joy.

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Um....its the thought that counts?

right, Oma....


April 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMe

Oma--is Mom in Korean.

April 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Kevin: It's nice that Kate approved the cake idea. But has her sister approved it? If Kate's sister doesn't read Cake Wrecks, I anticipate some acrimony on her birthday.

April 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoshua

oh dear. i thought i was the only one whose brother referred to her only as "sis"...or "my sister" to his friends. i seriously doubt if any of them know my actual name.
while i do refer to him as "my little brother" to people who are not acquainted, he does have a name...and i call him by it.
thank the stars that our bdays are nearly 6 months i *did* receive my own cakes....*sigh*

April 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterluna

Ok...the writing is horrible on the Oma cake, but just to clear it up...Oma is German for grandma. That's what I call mine from Germany. Opa is grandpa.

April 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermfeagan1980

The "Chris's Sister" cake and your comment about what she may have been called before Chris was born made me laugh uncontrollably. I never laugh so hard I cry. Thanks for that.

April 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I scream "Exterminate!" to my hubby when he makes me mad, he doesn't get it.

FTR...though I don't really know why it matters, it's just bugging me like bad grammar...
Oma-grandma in German (don't know about Dutch, I only lived in Germany for 6 years)
Oma-Mom in Korean (my own mother is Korean making me a halfie)
Emo-Auntie in Korean

April 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~james~

I love the 18th/21st birthday cake, now I know what to do when my kids turn those ages. Their birthdays are 10 days apart, we used to get away with a single party. I wonder if I can pull it off in four years complete with a 'Happy 18th Birthday Thomas/Happy 21st Birthday Thomas' Sister'?

April 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelovedgoddess

That last one reminds me of my days as a grocery store baker (Cub Foods in Griffin, GA) where I split duties between baking bread, frying donuts, and ticking off my boss who would then make me close.

Closing meant that while the bakery was officially closed, customers could SEE that I was there and want a name on a cake. My handwriting isn't the best, but it's not too bad when using a bag of icing. The problem was that half the time they'd want a name added to an existing "Happy Birthday" cake that was already out in the case. Those Happy Birthday's had been done by our regular decorator and I always felt bad (and warned the customers) that there was NO Way I was going to be able to match the original handwriting... we won't even get into the color matching issue.

Luckily this was back in 1998 before I changed to warehouse work and then moved into IT with otherwise I'd worry some of my handiwork would've shown up here.

April 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCharlesP

Hahahaha...the green cake is hilarious...& your comment made me laugh really loudly...

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love the Dr. Who reference. It cracked me up!

May 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Seriously? No one pointed out that Daleks aren't actually robots but aliens in robot battle suits? I have been violently corrected for the same offense.

July 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCook

It is entirely possible that the "Chris's sister" was an inside joke.

July 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Depending on how many kids they have, Chris's parents might call out "Hey Chris' sister, time for lunch!" and have 4 or 5 kids with the same name come running.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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