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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul252014

Friday Favs 7/25/14

A few of my favorite submissions this week:

 

Yeah! Go SPORTS!

 

Of course it's easy to focus on the mistakes, so let's take a second to appreciate that somewhere there's a professional baker who actually did this... on purpose.

("I call it, 'Barbie's Dream Petri Dish.'")

 

Could be worse, though. This one makes me want to launch a CSI investigation:

("Looks like Merle... [SUNGLASSES].... got smoked.")

And yes, I do realize "CSI investigation" is redundant.

 

SPEAKING of which...

Ow. My brain.

 

Because nothing delights a girl on her birthday quite like chopping off the head of a terrified Minnie Mouse:

"Don't worry, Minnie, this'll only hurt for seconds."

 

Just think: last week two of you loyal wrecky minions spotted this display, took a photo, and sent it in to me:

I love it when that happens! It's like Missed Connections, Cake Wrecks style!

So Sara? Brittany? YOUR DESTINY TOGETHER AWAITS.
(Dibs on the wedding cake photos.)

Oh, and I think that bamboo plant is trying to lick us.

 

A few weeks ago a couple of readers had a discussion on Twitter about Cake Wrecks, and since they kept tagging me in it, I was privy to their thoughts on how our posting misspelled cakes smacks of "intellectual snobbery," and really isn't that funny anyway.

I didn't reply at the time because the two weren't talking TO me, just ABOUT me. However, now, at long last, I believe I have an appropriate response.

Ahem hem hem.

This was supposed to say "Celebrate."

[drops mic]
[walks off stage]
[trips]
[scrambles up]
[steps on skirt]
[pantses self]
[slinks off, stage left]

YEAH.

 

Thanks to Mag D., Allison A., Mark F., Laura H., Sara E., Brittany A., & Barb F. for celetraling with us.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (85)

Intellectual snobbery? I'll take ANYTHING intellectual nowadays! (and, you are funny as hell!)

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTom

Chopping off heads at birthdays? In Denmark, that's mandatory. You make a car shaped like a person (the birthday boy or girl) and then you start by cutting the head off when you cut the cake. As you do this all children present screams at the top of their lungs. Yes. Really.

Do a Google image search for "kagemand" and you'll see what I mean. You can even get a politically correct wooden toy cake-person (choice of boy or girl) complete with flags, candle and a knife. So you can dismember the velcro-assembled wooden cake. It's really adorable and I'm getting one for my daughter.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I just spent five minutes trying to pronounce that last one. Now MY brain hurts.
As for photos 6 & 7…
tongues, heads- whatever.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Sung to "Celebration"

Boo-hoo!
(It's a Celetraltion)
*music*
Boo-hoo!
It's a Celetraltion

Celetrale bad cakes, come on!
It's not affectation.
Celetrale bad cakes, come on!
Lowered expectations.

There's some sport thing going on right here
A cake infection that might cause outbreak fears.
So take your smoked cakes and your squared teens, too
We're gonna celetrale scared rodents with you!

Come on now, celetraltion!
We're gonna celetrale and have a good time
Celetraltion.
We're gonna celetrale a brand new word crime.

Let's get those two together
Took the same pics, for our pleasure
Everyone in Twitter land -- Come on!
Lose the indignation!

Boo-hoo!
(It's a Celetraltion)
*music*
Boo-hoo!
It's a Celetraltion

Celetrale bad cakes, come on!
It's not affectation.
Celetrale bad cakes, come on!
Lowered expectations.

*********

I think Merle has grounds for a lawsuit.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Those Twitterers were correct. You, Jen, are an intellectual snob. I'd like to add that you are also a sporting snob. The Merry Christmas Basefoot cookie make have been made for someone like myself (or Mitt Romney,) who doesn't really care about sport.

AND while I'm at it, what's wrong with helping young girls develop an interest in science. As a small child, my daughter had a "Barbie's Dream Petri Dish" cake. Now she's going off to college to study Environmental Science.
Or medicine...those weeks in the hospital piqued her interest.

It seems you also have something against those who embrace filth, (Earl is probably a really nice person under that crusty exterior,) and the aged (Do you know how old Minnie Mouse is. Lets see how good you look when you're 86.)

As for the Sweet 16 cake: The recipient is a teen who turned sixteen. Does that not make him or her a Sweet 16 Teen? I thought so.

In conclusion, I would like to focus on the wonderful mystery that is life and celetrale the fact that I may have passed a fellow minion in the bakery section of my local supermarket without ever knowing it (if anyone's looking for me, I'm wearing a bowler hat and flip flops.)

Have a peachy day, Jen, and stay away from the twittervision set. It'll ruin your eyes.

(I apologize for all the parentheses ( these: ( ) ).) Oh right, criticize that sentence. Such a snob!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Intellectual snobbery? Good grief. Pointing out that if you pay for something it should be done right is not intellectual snobbery. I suspect the twits probably can't spell themselves and are making excuses. Real intellectual snobbery is best illustrated by the article I once read--or tried to read and failed--on "Does Harry Potter fail as post modern literature?"

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

It's Friday! Time to Celetrale the weekend!! (with cake, of course!)

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

If pointing out how misspellings on cakes are funny is intellectual snobbery, then a proud snob I'll be!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

As someone who works with dogs, my immediate thought on the third cake was that it was supposed to be a merle pattern and that the decorator helpfully labeled it - because no dog is those colors by nature. I'm happy that my initial interpretation was wrong but, egads, that's one ugly cake!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I was just wondering if the twitter people spelled "intellectual snobbery" correctly. Anyone who doesn't find cakewrecks funny is clearly missing their sense of humor, or was one of the kids who had trouble with spelling in school. Or both.

Yeah, definitely both. If you can't spell, don't get a job writing words on things that people buy.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Move over, all of you "intellectual snob" types...IF SIMPLY POINTING OUT that's it's pretty odd/lame/FUNNY to cross the letter "b" instead of the "t" is considered being *intellectually snobby*...well...Huh. I'm not even sure WHAT the response should be (!!!)...BUT, my basest instinct would probably be to heave a grand sigh (("SIGH!!!")) and think, "Ah! Our beloved CAKE WRECKS is secure for all of eternity-give or take a few decades...no need to get picky!" I also think I might have been inclined to SNEER (loudly!) at those la-de-dopes, and say,"Ah, put it in your piping bag and smoke it!" =^~.-^=

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Please don't let the Twitter jerks get you down. At my house your posts and the comments are the high point of our day.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJunebug

If correct spelling is snobbery, then I love the intellectual snobbery found here - it's hilarious! Maybe expecting goods you pay for to be of a certain quality is snobbery all around?

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

Well, then, intellectual snobs are the funniest people on the internet. See Weird Al Yankovich's rendition of "Blurred Lines." Is it snobby to expect people to accurately use their native language?

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Move over, all of you SO-CALLED "intellectual snob"-types...IF SIMPLY POINTING OUT that's it's pretty odd-and quite giggle-worthy- to cross the letter "b" instead of the "t" is considered being *intellectually snobby*...well...Huh. I'm not even sure WHAT the response should be (!!!Except to laugh my A$S off!!!)...BUT, my basest instinct would probably be to heave a grand sigh (("SIGH!!!")) and think, "Ahhh! Our beloved CAKE WRECKS is secure for all of eternity, more or less!" ~(Or I might have been inclined to tell those lovely people, "Ah, put it in your piping bag and smoke it!")
=^~.-^=

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The weekend my little hometown is having a party to Celetrate Pioneer Days. complete with parade! I guarantee beer will be involved. Because, you know, those pioneers drank lots and lots of beer... Kinda like the people who made those cakes up there.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Oh trust me, you and this site (and all us commenters, of COURSE) are funny. F.U.N.N.Y.
Loved the first cake the most. Go Sports!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

@ Sharyn...Best Ever! I'm giving you a standing ovation right now (really. I am.) You deserve a gold star! Celetrale that my friend.

@ Jen...Perhaps the Twits, er...um...Twitterers? are bakers and nervous that they themselves will end up here one day. We can only hope, right?

Today I'm celetraling CW. Here's to intellectual snobbery...it's funny as hell!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

That last cake (and paragraph) made me laugh out loud! Snobbery? Pffsshhhtt!

Also this weekend is my birthday, so thanks for the Celetration cake!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'm going to celetrale the fact that I finally read the Epcot pages and their resulting hilarity yesterday by pointing out that "CSI Investigation" is a redundant statement. And so is "Sweet 16 Teen."


P.S. Cake Wrecks is my happy place. :-)

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusie Q

Wreck Net (with apologies to Dragnet)

[music: dum-da-da-dum….dum-da-da-dum…da…]

Narrator: The story you are about to read could be true. Or not. Only the facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sgt. Friday voiceover: Friday, May 25th. It was hot in Los Angeles. We were working the day watch out of the I Can’t Believe They Did This Division, Consumer Cake Crimes (CCC) Unit. My CCC partner is Frank Patooie. My name’s Friday. I’m a cop. I carry a badge. A woman had purchased a cake that turned out to be a wreck from a local bakery. It had been delivered by a baker from the shop. She had delivered the cake and then left in a Huff, dark blue, late model, and escaped into the City. We had to try to find her.

[music: dum-da-da-dum]

Nine-fifteen a.m. We arrived at the home of the victim, Mrs. Amber Anderson. Officer Patooie rang the bell. We waited for a minute and rang the bell again. A young woman in a blue housedress answered.

“Mrs. Amber Anderson?” I asked.
“Amber’,” she corrected.
“Amber’,” I said. “I’m Sgt. Friday and this is my partner, Officer Patooie. We’re here about your cake complaint.”
“Oh,” she said breathlessly. “I’m so glad you’re here. Let me tell you the story.”
“Just the facts, ma’am.”
‘Oh,” she said, “there are no fax.”
“No facts?”
“No, no fax. I did it all in person.”
Officer Patooie spoke to her. “He means the facts, Mrs. Anderson.”
“Oh, the facts.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I added. “That’s what I want. Just the facts.”
“Well, I bought this cake at the bakery.”
“Which bakery, ma’am?”
“No, it wasn’t The Coven’s Cupcakes and Croissants. It was just a regular bakery.”
“Yes, ma’am. I mean, at which bakery did you buy the cake?”
“Oh, I can’t remember the name. It’s a new one.”
“Do you have a bill, ma’am?”
“Oh, sergeant, you’re so silly. I’m not a bird.”
“Yes, ma’am. Do you have a bill from the bakery? The bakery name might be on the bill.”
“Oh, yes. I put the bill in my billfold, folded, of course, with the bills. I mean, the money bills, not bill bills. Here it is.”
“What’s the name of the bakery, ma’am?”
“Bill’s.”
“Bills?”
“Yes, Bill’s Bakery.”

[music: dum-da-da-dum….]

Sgt. Friday voiceover: Ten oh-three a.m. Amber’ told us that she went to Bill’s and ordered a cake for her husband, Merle. It was for his birthday. She asked for a birthday inscription on the cake. And his name. She showed us the cake she received. It was clearly a Wreck. It was a plain white sheet cake with a poorly done red border. The recipient’s name was piped off-center. It was what we call T&U: thick and undignified. It was in a non-complementary color. That in itself is a felony: misuse of the color wheel. Also, a plastic “Happy” was haphazardly inserted into the rear. There was no “Birthday.” I made a note: ICG. Insufficient Celebratory Greeting. And then there were the sprinkles. For many the use of sprinkles is an art form. Not here. It looked like they had backed the sprinkle truck up to the cake and just dumped them out. I was just glad no child had to see this. I spoke to Amber’.

“This is a Wreck, ma’am.”
“I know. That’s why I called you. But I do feel a little bad…”
“How’s that, ma’am?”
“Well, I did tell them I want sprinkles.”

[dum-da-da-dum]

Sgt. Friday voiceover: I went back to the car and called headquarters. We needed to dust the box for fingerprints. Our department had two men who could do that. Tom, who was skinny as a reed, and was new, and Bill, who had much more experience and was a larger fellow. Because of the seriousness of this case, we called for the fuller brush man. We also decided to talk to the neighbors to see if they could provide any leads. We walked around the neighborhood. There were June bugs out. This was surprising. It was May. I took one side of the street, Frank took the other. I combed my side and got the brush off. Joe canvased his side and each person painted a different picture.

“Not much help there,” said Officer Patooie. “May I be frank?”
“You are Frank,” I reminded him.

[dum-da-da-dum]

Sgt. Friday voiceover: Three fifty-seven p.m. We returned to headquarters and my partner called Bill’s Bakery and spoke to Bill. Officer Patooie told him about the cake and his baker leaving in a Huff. We advised him to let us know if the baker returned. We also put out an APB alert – Annoyed Professional Baker. I called in some of the other men they set up a trap near Bill’s Bakery. We knew she’d return. They always do. Five fifteen p.m. I received a call from Officer Patooie.

“We got her,” said Patooie. “Jack set up a perimeter around the bakery parking lot. She drove in and saw us. She tried to flee, but I spied’er and she got caught in Jack’s web.”

Sgt. Friday voiceover: I was surprised to hear Officer Patooie refer to the officer by his first name. Everyone knows Office Patooie doesn’t know Jack. This was a sad case. Now I’m going to go home and enjoy an evening of PB&J – “Princess Bride” and “Jumanji.”

Narrator: A trial was held on July 16th, in Superior Court, Room 16, in and for the County of Los Angeles. Now, the results of that trial. Baker Mary Tartt pleaded guilty to charges of assault with batter, malicious use of frosting, poor piping exacerbated by the negligent use of tips, improper use of a Pan-Wow, excessive and irresponsible use sprinkles and bakery Tom-foolery. She was de-toqued.

[dum-da-da-dum]

A Mark VII ½ Production

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

(singing...) "Celetrale scared rodents with you....c'mon!" Thanks, Sharyn, for another song that will never be quite the same.

And I think "Merle" is supposed to describe the pattern on the cake (and possibly the camo Barbie one above it)

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

If expecting correct spelling is snobbery, then I must be a huge snob. Of course, I also expect correct punctuation, grammar and a bit of common sense. Just call me a former English major or an old fuddy duddy. Thank you Cake Wrecks for getting me through the lack of these things at work every day.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVal

As a proud intellectual snob, I'll celetrale right along with you and other CWers. But first, I have to get Sharyn's song out of my intellectually snobbish head.

To further prove my incredible intellectualistismness, I have written a thesis on why the objects depicted on cakes 6 & 7 are actually tiny hineys. The title of my paper is "Congealing into Thingness: The Reification of Cakes Depicting Buttocks Hanging from Trees and the Post-modern Appropriation of Hyperrealization with Frosting." I hope you all enjoy it.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Sharyn AHAHAHAHAH :D as for the people complaining-if you can't laugh, why live?

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Anyone who thinks Cake Wrecks isn't funny is a) a snob or b) someone who hasn't been here and seen the photos and read the text, followed by the comments. These Twitter Twits have missed out!

Maybe we should give the Touch Down cake to Merle. Because his cake won't make him or anyone else happy on his birthday. WTF?

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Grammar and spelling are becoming as lost an art as cursive writing. Our language is becoming an endangered species. I am in college for the fourth time and hopefully the last. I spent a whole semester entertaining my English grammar class with highlights from your website. My professor gave me extra credit for some of my entries.

Everyone has their own take on humor. I don't find everything you post funny, but I find enough "snort my drink out my nose" humor to ignore whatever isn't funny to me. I think people who find you too intellectual should go write something and post it, so we can all laugh at their bad grammar and spelling.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Oh its a bundt cake with 3 bundt cracks showing

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCP

Please don't EVER stop making fun of spelling/grammar mistakes! There are so few places I can go to laugh at them! I know I can always depend on finding kindred spirits here who share my sadness and amusement at them without be labelled as a snob. (Well, you can still call me a snob. It's true.)

I saw a t-shirt last weekend that said "Some days your a pigeon Some days your a statue". It took me forever to figure out what it said (the t-shirt kept moving!) and when I finally did, my annoyance at the misspelling (and miscommunication) overcame the humor.

Sorry, I'm preaching. I just love to come here, to a safe place where I can laugh (or cry) about these things with like-minded peeps! It's (see what I did with that apostrophe there?) our little secret grammar hideaway, and if anyone's uncomfortable with that, there ("their", "they're") are lots of places to go on the internet where no one cares about it.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

Let me just say this: When it comes to appreciating humor, those who can, do, and those who cannot, condemn it….

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Change the "L" to a "D" in that third cake, and you've got truth in advertising.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWill

That "intellectual snob" comment made me pause. First of all, those cakes are my favorites. But if it's an issue worthy of discussion, that implies that people can no longer spell (!!) and solve the issue by cutting down those who can. As a solution, that's upsetting. I mean, they COULD learn to spell. I guess that's just too difficult...which is also disturbing.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteremily

Sixteenteen? Isn't that one of those numbers between one and schfifty-five?

As far as intellectual snobbery goes, well... I eagerly await the probably-inevitable post that cribs lyrics from Weird Al's "Word Crimes".

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPocket

Barbie's Dream Petri Dish *snort*

The fact that the cakes are misspelled isn't funny. It's sad. Very sad. It is a sad commentary on the education system in this country. It is also sad that bakeries allow employees who can't spell do the lettering on their cakes. Wanting a cake that I order and pay have correct spelling in the decoration is more snobbish than wanting the cake to taste good is.

On the other hand, the way they are misspelled is hilarious.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJane

@FM
Your thesis title is brilliant and, of course, properly snobby. I would love to read that paper.
I suspect that you are a grad student or have had that experience!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterA.

I must admit then, I am an "intellectual snob." Primarily my problem is misplaced apostrophes. They drive me nuts! How hard is it to understand a plural does not need an apostrophe? Pretty hard apparently. I keep my mouth closed when memos at work have this error, but it's hard!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

@ mel

Police Squad meets Dragnet w/ith visiting 'goodwill' bobbies from 'I'm sorry, let me read that again.' My type of post modern interpretation of classic low-brow Shakaspear (bum-dee-dum-dum) humor. **wait, WTF am I saying? Maybe having cake for breakfast w/double shot espresso was a bad idea**

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

These are professional cakes for which the bakers get payed for their service in baking and decorating. Like all goods and services they better be top-notch, which in this profession includes spelling and grammar. Do those "twitter twits" fancy having their eyes clawed out by an angry bridezilla because the cake they presented had the wrong bride's name on it? Would they like to pay for a graduation cake that says "Celetrale you're Guardutation"??? NO! Besides, if you don't think "Happy Falkersatherhood" or "Happy Birthday, Whiney" is funny, then there's very little hope for you!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

Darn. I proofed my comment and still ended up with two grammatical errors.

For my penance, I hereby vow to never get a job writing on cakes.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJane

@mel: "assault with batter" BWHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! I am going to steal that. Excellent work, as always!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Minnie Mouse appears so afraid that even her spindly little legs seem to be knocking together--not an easy feat on cake. Please continue the intellectual snobbery...it is delightful!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

Ok... Intellectual Snobbery or not, I love to "Celetrale" and can't think of a better collection of folks to do it with. LOL!!!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCristine

"Intellectual snobbery"!?! *cackle* Ok, this is my first time posting to one of your blogs, I just couldn't let that slide. I *LOVE* the pictures, your descriptions of the pictures, the comments about the pictures... all of that snobtastic stuff.

Besides, usually people crying "intellectual snobbery" are just peevish because they weren't smart enough to see either the mistake to begin with, or the humour in said mistake. (Or maybe they created some of the cakes?? Ooohhhhh...)

<3

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSixHorses

Can't wait until that teen turns 22 and gets to "Celetrale" her secondy-second birthday! Keep up the good work!

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulieC

How is it "intellectual snobbery" to mock misspellings on SOMETHING YOU'RE PAYING FOR?!? If I'm paying for a cake to say "Celebrate" it had better frickin say CELEBRATE and not "celibate" or "celery" or "we are called fudge"

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPattie

the last cake is obviously an advertisment, short for "sell a trailer".

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjane

@ mel- I heard Johnny Carson and Jack Webb reading your story and giggled through it all. For those too young to remember, they did a skit on the Tonight Show about the clean copper clappers that were copped from the closet.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTabbymom

@ Karen - That is the most awesome bizarre birthday tradition ever! And it adds so much to my random trivia collection! :D (Also, now I kinda want one. lol)

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterK

I absolutely love this website! However I think some of these cake decorators move on to second careers in my local newspaper. The other day in a story about removing an invasive species plant from the local waterways the headline said "IRRADICATING" Frog bit, in inch and a half tall letters. Now, the frog bit part is correct, it's an invasive species, but I wanted to tear my hair out at IRRADICATING. These people are journalists/reporters and apparently former cake decorators.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJeffssis

Why didn't I think of making a chocolate chip cookie for the PEACH
TABLE! What a great idea...lol Oh and I LOVE the misspelled cakes!
Keep them coming. They are hilarious!
@Jen...thanks for the new nickname idea! I will wear it well!
~commenter formerly know as Rachel d.

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