My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Oh, Bugger

When it comes to cakes, I'm usually a pretty tolerant person. (Mostly. Ok, sort of. Look, just humor me, Ok?)

However, there's a new "Deco Kit" running rampant through our nations bakeries that, quite frankly, must be stopped. In fact, it's not so much a kit as it is a creepy garnish. Let's see if you can spot it in this photo:

"Oh, look at the pretty caAAAEEEIIIII!!!!"

Yes, those are in fact giant, disturbingly life-like, (yet mercifully plastic) ants - or as bakers are calling them, "the new sprinkles."

Which might explain why they're popping up everywhere.

See, two ants are good...

Three are better...

But four equals "display only". Good to see there are limits.

For some reason watermelon cakes suffer the most from these pesky "antics":

Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?

It's always good to have insects on the brain while eating a cake covered in black specks.

And yes, please, let's put Old Glory on there to remind everyone that only we Americans could produce the double-whammy Wreckage of both a CCC (cupcake cake) AND the GAG (Giant Ant Garnishes). Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?

Christine T., Penny R., Sidney B., Dave K., Kathryn S., Erica H., & Kate B., you know why anteaters never get sick, right? No? Well, it's 'cuz they're so full of antibodies.

[bah dum bump!]

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating

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Reader Comments (173)

I think the plastic ants are fun! The first cake is cute, but by the end of the series, you have some really UG-LY cakes!

come to think of it, we've had a plastic ant (from some random children's game) sitting on the kitchen window frame for a few months now... but those ants are a lot cuter. (-:


August 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterqw88nb88

And this is why I don't read CakeWrecks at work.


August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Think of the possibilities--how about an anthill with GAGs pouring out of it? Or a Black Flag/Raid can cake with a gaggle of belly-up GAGs? (Yes, I'm an entomologist, and love a good bug-themed cake!)

August 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

*cringe* (frantically looking for a can of Raid)

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

OMG! I totally need someone to send me some of those ants. I haven't seen them anywhere and I have a small boy who would love those on his birthday cake.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

These cakes remind me of a story I wrote when I was about 5. Perhaps it's all a ploy to leave more care for the grown-ups.

"There once lived a hamburger. His daddy was a Big Mac, and his mother was a Whopper. The baby was a Whopper that only a mouse could eat. His relatives were the French Fries, Chicken McNuggets and the Cokes came over for a birthday party. They made a cake. It was supposed to be for Chicken McNugget's birthday. They ate all the cake. They made another one. Every big person made it except Chicken McNugget. They put fake bugs all over the cakes so that the kids will think they are real and won't eat the cake. The French Fries made some Sprite to drink for the birthday party. And soon they got a new swimming pool. The kids threw the fake bugs into the pool. The kids ate the cake all gone. The parents made a new cake. They put 1,000 tarantulas in on the frosting (fake ones made of frosting). The kids did not take one single bite. The kids gave their aunt a humongous mansion. Since the aunt brought her baby along, they gave the baby a rattle. The end."

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDominique B.

the kroger in my town has been putting ants on their cakes--particularly the watermelon ones-- all summer. i don't get it!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheather.adkins

I work in a bakery and I don't want to say how many of these i made. For some odd reason people LOVED them. Not only that but one lady even referred to them as "cute". As much as this disturbed me - I get paid to make cakes such as these so I just went with it. The other cake decorator and myself were equally as confused and disgusted as you lol!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

This is one of the simplest and most astonishing ways to wreck a cake I've ever seen. I'm a habitual apologist for cake wrecks: they delivered what they thought the customer wanted; they were working with limited skill; they didn't have all day. I'm not a bugaphobe. I've eaten live ants (they're good, crunchy and a little tart, almost lemony). But I don't want giant ants on my cake.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

ugh...I had a carpenter ant problem a while back and they got to be an inch long! As soon as I saw thing cake, I thought it was the carpenters ants I exterminated plotting revenge.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

"Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?"

By squashing the box it came in.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEponineC

I saw the "watermelon with ants" in an ice cream cake version at DQ last weekend. It almost looked like some kind of a farm theme from the side until you saw the watermelon part on the top.

August 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKari & James

I am the lead baker at a Kroger owned grocery store, and I can say that the GAG's are part of a mandatory "summertime" theme that our cake decorators have to include, handed down from corporate on high. Just like each bakery is required to have a certain amount of god awful CCCs on hand at all times. It is important to keep in mind that these days, the average grocery store decorator has around Level 1 Wilton experience, and rather than improving those skills, Kroger (and Wallyworld) choose to cater to them with huge amounts of plastic crap.

August 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter(ian)

I'm a little scared to say this but: I like them (ducks).

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBets

I totally made my son an anthill cake for his insect-themed 2nd birthday. But his had hundreds of ants. And it was pretty yummy. And it was covered in graham cracker "dirt". In fact, it was not the worst cake I've ever made.

August 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those ants are so cute!

August 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLyn

My parents had a picnic themed wedding at a local park, complete with bride and groom ants on top of their chocolate cake.

August 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn the Slug

my little boy wants ants on his cake for his 5th b-day, they'e too cute!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LoL.... My coworker Nancy loves those... I actually didn't put those on an order someone put in for a watermelon CCC, and she wanted them after all.

August 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSophie

I'm willing to excuse the plastic ants, but only because one of the cakes Wally World had on display a while ago was covered in real ones. If I recall correctly, it was an over-iced cupcake cake. (Ptooie!)

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTora

Ants are awesome. :)

June 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnt

#1 Cherries, giant ants and avocado-green frosting. What's not to love?

#3 Buttercream? Deal. Yellow cake? Deal. Disgusting giant ants? NO DEAL.

Giant ants were the 'villain' in at least two episodes of The Outer Limits, which is what I think of when I see these wrecks.

If these wreckerators wanted to be really cute and clever, they would use life-size plastic ants. Helps get rid of those pesky 'customers' so you have more time for important things, like posting resumes.

December 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

That second to last one looks like the vampire ants have sucked all the juice out...

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSmile

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