My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Special" Deliveries

I will love him/her and squeeze him/her and call him/her "Babs."

Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)

Here's a tip: if your last name is Bignar, and you want your shower cake to read "Welcome Baby," proceed with caution.

Wow. It's not often one gets to witness the birth of an embarrassing nickname!

Do you suppose a kid named "Finally" could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner?

I mean, think about it: "Finally! You're here!"

And finally lastly, my personal favorite:

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

Tasty, fruity kings.

Anony M., Alisa K., Carrie B., Shane M., & Amy C., how many people do you suppose asked what flavor the cake was?

- Related Wreckage: The Name Game

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Reader Comments (122)

The first cake is tragic--I love the design and lettering. The last cake ranks in my top ten favorites. If it's good enough for Apple Paltrow-Martin...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

How do you drink a teacup poodle? Do you make poodle puddles?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

Ha! Love me some "teacup poodles" in my morning coffee, if no one's looking! That cake was totally weird.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh dear....on cake #2, my mind went back to the post a few days ago about the process of giving birth.....just when I thought I had managed to forget it!
My therapist will thank you.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleP

Someone will likely point this out to you, but hook and slice are golf terms. It deals with hitting the ball left or right.

That said, it still doesn't make the cake make ANY more sense than it does. But the accents on the cake are super cute.

Last cake? LOVE it. Yep, he'll be a fruity king or there will be several fruity kings. NOt sure which.....

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Even if that last cake is welcoming FOUR people, there's enough randomly-placed candy flotsam for everyone, so no worries.

wv: Subto-- Don't be subto about your cake plans, because wreckorators need things spelled out!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Are we sure that's welcome Babbies and not Baffies?

Hook Slice is baffling. Sounds like a celebration of a violent method of C-section. The foreign cake label makes me wonder...

And Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango--if not the flavor (duh) then could it be the names of twins Luca Joseph and Kiwi Mango, or quadruplets Luca, Joseph, Kiwi and Mango?

I mean, Gwyneth Paltrow DID name her daughter "Apple"...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Trevor, can hook and slice also both be boxing terms? I know hook can....

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The first cake is for twins? And the decoration on the hook and slice one is lovely, though it would be very odd in Ireland where the connotations of baby angels are obviously not the same as China (?)

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

I know Jen always makes jokes about a baby boy named Finally. I work for a government agency and had a child come across my desk named Finally, and a boy. I was so intrigued I had to find out what lead to this name. After contacting the grandparent, I learned that he had 7 older sisters. So Jen, he is out there!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Welcome Babbies" would be a perfectly reasonable thing to say to Scottish twins...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

The first one immediately took me back to the "how is babby formed" meme:

Makes me wonder when the "all your base are belong to us" cake will show up.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

You drink the poodle puddle with a poodle puddle paddle, of course. Just mind you don't drink the poodle piddle.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

"Welcome Babbies" would be a perfectly reasonable thing to say to Scottish twins...

Or if they were Brummie babies (from Birmingham, UK).

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When I read that last post it reminded me of the old Monty Python sketch:

"It's spelled Luxury Yacht, but it's pronounced Lucas Joseph Kiwi Mango!"

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenamarie

The "drinking and raising teacup poodles" bit cracked me up! The cake itself still has me stumped though...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

And there on the fourth cake you can see where they just didn't use enough icing to cover the sides. What's amazing is that there's still so much wrecktastic material out there to be mined.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky


January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Tasty fruity kings... hee hee

Thank you for that, it will make my entire day more worthwhile.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Hook <3 Slice. Joanie <3 Chachi.

And poor Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango's cake is splitting from all the candy flotsam. Poor guy.

WV: Carither. Wreckiness does not give a cake carither. It just makes it a wreck.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBek

OK, I've seen some weird baby names, but Kiwi Mango??!?!!

And what kind of name is "Hook Slice"? Although, judging from the Chinese writing on the bakery label here, I'm guessing the decorator may have had only minimal command of Engrish, I mean English.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

These cakes literally make my head hurt. I can't figure out the Hook/Slice at all. Of course, the fact that it's after midnight my time (China), my brain is probably on complete malfunction.

::Tilting head sideways::

Nope, that didn't help.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

Your comments on that first one made me laugh/cry. The hook/slice one is baffling.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpeewee

The scary thing is I know of a kid named Kiwi.......

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBec

Oh, I just had a thought:
Given the "Pink vs. Blue" decorative theme on the "Hook/Slice" cake, could "Hook" and "Slice" be vulgar terms for portions of the male and female anatomy, respectively?

... No, I didn't say that. Who, me?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I predict that the boy from the last cake will become fast friends with Throat Warbler-Mangrove (aka Raymond Luxury-Yacht)

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJacobi

ha ha, I have to think that some of my friends could have ordered the first one and it would have been completely on purpose. "How is babby formed?"

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

Oh...dear {In creaky door voice.}
That's what I said when I saw the last one. Pity the children. Pity them.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPink Toads

It just makes me feel ill that people order cakes saying "Finally" about getting a child the "right" gender. Way to completely destroy the other kids in the family. You weren't born because your parents wanted you, they wished you had been a ____ and had to keep on trying because you failed.

I do understand a family wanting a male heir to carry on the family name, or the desire to have a daughter to share feminine interests with, but when that desire is carried to an unhealthy level and the girls/boys in the family are made to feel their inferiority, it's awful.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

Kiwi and Mango could be dogs' names... my cousins had a dog named Mango.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercatchat105

Wow! "Big Nar"?!! That is so weird.

"Kiwi Mango"!!!!!!

This is definitely the funniest posts of far! :D

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLily Anne

Hook and Slice? *shudder* Hope the mom wasn't having a C-section.

(I know they're golf terms but used in this context it's just ewwwww.)

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

A kiwi mango cake just sounds gross.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was hoping the "Finally is a boy" cake was "Finley" spelled wrong, but that's usually a girl's name...

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLimeSarah

KittyKat - Cake 4 could be taken to mean that the parents had been trying for a long time to have a baby, and this is their first.

That being said - I'm a mom of 3 boys, and I can't tell you how many people (and we're talking complete strangers, like the grocery store checkout lady) have asked me if we're going to try again for a girl. I absolutely hate the assumption that we feel our family to be incomplete without a daughter; when in fact, we're very happy with exactly the kids God gave us. (When I was pregnant with my third and we told family that our ultrasound indicated a boy, my husband's grandmother patted my hand and said, 'There there, dear, maybe next time you'll finally get that girl.' I could've socked her. I responded, 'Thanks, but I think I'll finish gestating this one first.')

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterabi

my first thought when seeing the hook/slice cake was of conjoined twins being separated.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShirley and Christopher

I don't get the hook {heart} slice thing at all!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Agreed. My husband and I (and consequently our friends and family) call our 8-month-old daughter "Babby" after the internet meme. We would totally order a cake like that on purpose.

With our lucky, they'd "fix" it for us and it would say "babies".

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersamann1121

Priceless as always. In my home town (birmingham, UK) babbies is a perfectly correct word so there!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennywenny

2: This makes me think of all those people walking around with the Chinese symbol for "strengh" or whatever tattoed on their back. What if it really says something like "cheeseburger"?

Maybe the Chinese baker thought they were writing the English for Joy and Happiness. Or maybe two Chinese parents saw "Hook" and "Slice" written out and thought they were awsome name choices. Do they sound like 80's gangmember nicknames to anyone else?

4: Finally is a boy... Sounds like a cake celebrating a specific kind of elective surgery.

I've noticed a specfic baby theme for the past couple of days. Is there some news you'd like to share with us? : )

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiyati

Finally and Bignor need nicknames. They deserve them. I suggest the "fruit" nicknames on the last cake.

This blog is a riot. Who woulda thunk it???

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Many couples give the fetus a cutesy nickname - could Hook and Slice be the soon-to-be-born twins to a golf-loving father?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCyndi

The name of kings...excellent. Especially witty post today!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterskatej

Aye, the pooor, wee babbies!

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

Is it sad that all I can think of after reading this post is how delicious a kiwi-mango cake sounds? I'm left with an urge to make one.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJagyularr

I thought it was "Baffies." I wonder if they know Big Nar?

wv: Barro-- As in, "No, you can't barro my flotsam, 'cause I gotta make a cake."

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

I'll bet Luca can't wait to grow up and play with his sister, Julie Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:-P star to those who get the reference;)

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCulinarychiq

"Hook" and "Slice" can also be bowling terms, I believe. Oh, wait-- that doesn't help, either.

Maybe they're single-word excerpts from the manual on how to serve cake?

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOh, Mandy

You know, I've seen parents push their sons to be athletes, or doctors, or lawyers, but this is definitely the first time I've seen parents setting their child up so perfectly for a career as a professional drag queen. You go, little Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango!


January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first cake could have been my sister-in-law's. When she was in grade school, she wrote a paper about the Mayflower and mentioned that a "babby" boy was born during the crossing. Since then, babies have been babbies in our family.

January 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJo

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