Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Nov122010

Sweet Dreams

As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.

[hem ahem hem]

*whispering*

Once upon a time...

there was a baby who was very sleepy.


The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:

Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!

One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!

And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.


But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.

They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.


Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!

And so, plugging his little ears, he did.


But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:

Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.

I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.

And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.

But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.

***The End***

Now, who wants seconds?

Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.

« Sunday Sweets: Classic Beauties | Main | In Honer of Our Hero's »

Reader Comments (156)

Eugh! Sweet dreams are SO not made of this!! Seriously, the post title caused Eurythmics to play in my head throughout, and somehow that just added an extra layer of creepy. Of course, now I wish I had the software to make a video of that song with these cakes....

By the way, the hypothesis that Gary @ 10:24 referred to is called the "Uncanny valley." But don't take my word for it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGoueznou

Jen, you are amazing! To be able to put together so many random cakes into one hilarious post is true talent!

Also, baby cakes are creepy by nature, but that first one...*shudders*...it will haunt my dreams.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

I'm so glad I read Cake Wrecks in the mornings at work and not at night right before bedtime!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela K

you gave Grimm's a run...wow, the pictures were scarier than the tale.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

LMAO! I'm not freaked out at all. Guess that makes me... uhhh....

And I actually recognized the Monkey Cake in all its poo-throwing brilliance! (I used to read S's blog but she seems to have stopped posting, sadly--she was one of the funniest on the web.) Maybe because I know the background on the love of monkeys and the sense of humor involved, I don't find it the least creepy. YMMV.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersunlizzard

The first one makes me want to never be a mother... and the last one makes me never want to visit another zoo...

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterellie

the monkey looks like its hailing hitler....

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i hate clowns...babies are cute..but this baby looks like an alien or someone squashed it...the clown just gross then scrolling down thru the pics to the last one...the eyeless ugly monkey...ewwwwwwww now i hate monkeys too...and did you see the toes...ewwwwwwwwwww

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~flying gurl~

It could only have been creepier if the monkey ate the dead looking baby. What? You thought it too!~

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjojo

Ho-lee crap! At first I thought it would be the baby on the half shell (turtle power?) that would haunt my dreams. Then you had to throw in the clown. But THEN you had to throw in that monkey! OMG! Saved the worse for last! The horror!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

I'm glad I read this this morning. I can only hope to forget that creepy baby by tonight. or I can invest in a nightlight *shudder*

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

Oh man, that monkey cake seriously creeps the living crap out of me D:

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVivi Bee

Holy crap, I actually shuddered and blanched during the reading of this post.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkatfoster

your stories are THE best. Ever.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterteri

Any of these cakes would freak me completely out. They walk a thin line between being creepy and downright evil. They are all just so very, very wrong!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStar Bricker

Monkey!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Holy Fondant! Mr. Monkey scared the filling right of me!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPandora

The first cake looks a bit like a Maurice Sendak drawing - here's a link which has to be copied and pasted: http://isthereagiraffe.joannavaught.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/outside-over-there-2.jpg

I wish I was techno savvy enough to just make it appear but I'm not...sigh.

Oh and Kelly at 10.26? Dobey the house elf? Ohh, I'm sure John (the HUBBY of Jen) won't be too pleased with you... I don't know about you sir, but I am rather excited for the movie :-)

Sarah

WV: stion - If we take a leaf (heh heh) from George Bernard Shaw, then this could be pronounced 'shin' - as in those bakers should be kicked in the stions.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarahJ

Oh sweet baby cheezits! THE MONKEY'S TOES! I thought the not quite done yet baby in the egg was the stuff of nightmares until the final cake. My insomnia will carry on strong thanks to fear of monkey cakes with freakish toes!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbooturtle

I think the back-story on the monkey cake makes it all the more disturbing. A poo-flinging cake? Really?

The "burrowing" one is disappointing; it was sooo pretty until they put the "baby" butt on top. It looks more like elderly lady legs than baby legs, anyway.

Andrea

PS: I caught the Cake Wreck reference on Top Chef: Just Desserts, too! And it WAS such a Wreck!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When will people understand that babies on cakes are SUPER CREEPY?!?! And the monkey with demon eyes... that's awesome. Imagine how many children that monkey traumatized.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCake Story

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Jen. I was already having nightmares from the Baby Gaga meatloaf. I really need demon monkeys and shriveled dead Gollum-babies as well.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertiramisu

The first baby was bad and the monkey is truly frightening, but did you have to add in the FREAKIN' CLOWN?????????? AUGH!!!!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKnit Wit

That is the scariest monkey I have ever seen!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternikki

Sleepy/creepy. It's all the same. That was a tale that should have been told just before Halloween. Brrr.

WV - Faudiant - the sound of the baby hiding in the cake.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Can't sleep. Monkey will eat me. Can't sleep. Monkey will eat me.....

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralynxia

If I wasn't scared by anything that was sweet before, I am now! :)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

That BabyBug... Made by someone who has never actually seen a ladybug?

(I'm fixing on perhaps the least disturbing aspect of this post, because Baby on the Half Shell and Evil Monkey are just too scary to think about!)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissT

Now...this one really, truly, takes the cake!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Fravel

I'll be directing my therapist to send her bill to Cake Wrecks for the next several months.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJAB

i like the story. you guys should do stories more

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersarah

That first cake looks like re-born Voldemort.

Ok, so I've been reading a lot about the new movie. Still, utterly freaking creepy.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Oh god, which is scarier: the first baby or the monkey?? I'd curse you for the nightmares, but thankfully I'll probably never fall asleep tonight!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me...Can't sleep, clowns will eat me!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ditto the person who brought up Total Recall. [shiver] Just say No to dead baby cakes. And CCC clowns.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSoupAddict Karen

That whole post was horrifying.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTwilightTwins2

I was fine til the monkey. I don't know if I will sleep tonight.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLe

is it halloween already?

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

AAAAAAAH! So scary! Especially that first baby. Looks like some kind of alien man-baby that just crash landed on Earth in an egg-shaped pod, and he's going to try to take over the world!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNelle

Jen,

If you wrote a children's book about insomnia with these pictures and published it tomorrow I would SO buy it! Your storylines rock!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

uh...AGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I totally will sleep better tonight. Thanks. You guys "rock". :D

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

can't sleep monkeys will eat me....can't sleep monkeys will eat me.
(P.S @Leigh, if it is spring loaded and throws things that is cool but it's so scary...it might just undo that bit of cool)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkmawesome

ZOMG I am so not going to sleep for weeks now! Thanks CakeWrecks!! :thumbsup:

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT. Butler

I am not sure if I will ever sleep again...Thanks Jen. I will think of that bedtime story every time I see a baby, a monkey, a clown, and my own kids. :o) Thanks for scaring the crap out of us :o)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

That monkey looks like Nien Nunb from Star Wars' ancestor :)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGodwin

I think the baby/ladybug cake is a reference to a photo by Anne Geddes--she did all the pix of the babies sleeping in flowers and fruits etc... very popular as calendars a couple of years back. The first cake is pretty creepy, and the less said about that monkey the better!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

I HATE clowns. And I love monkeys. But OMG that is one freaky monkey cake!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

The top cake looks like Chairman Mao in an eggshell...

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Daaaang. Those are some of the scariest cakes I've seen in a long time. I'm gonna have nightmares. Great job, wreckporters!

wv: parim - Maybe we should parim up with a real pro so he can learn how cake decorating is supposed to be done!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is one of my favorites you've done for as long as I've been a reader of this blog. SOooooo good!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>