My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Sweet Dreams

As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.

[hem ahem hem]


Once upon a time...

there was a baby who was very sleepy.

The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:

Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!

One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!

And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.

But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.

They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.

Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!

And so, plugging his little ears, he did.

But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:

Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.

I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.

And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.

But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.

***The End***

Now, who wants seconds?

Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.

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Reader Comments (156)

OK, the first cake made me think *vaguely* of Voldemort at the beginning of "Goblet of Fire." Anyone? Anyone at all?

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

I really, really hope none of these cakes are red velvet.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoelle

I know I will not be having sweet dreams today... yikes!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary DK

Please please please don't ever make me eat an aborted fetus. Ever. Please.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterK

can't sleep...cake is going to eat me...

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm afraid!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I may never get to sleep tonight.

(Shivers and hides head.)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy crap, I'm going to have nightmares from a cake blog. AAACCKK!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay..that jacked up monkey reminds me of the crate creature on Creepshow...

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So now nightmares have previews, too. Thank you very little.

A baby? Really? Sure -- a baby Hobbit!

What's the deal on the giant ladybug? Most of it is reasonably well done, but the face must have been painted by a baby. Is that the tie-in?

When did monkeys get claws? Oy!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

AAAAAAhhhhhhh! (rocking back and forth) I want my mommy!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@ Das

Cool! Did you get the term "Nightmare Fuel" from TVTropes? I love that site but its so addicting. I also want to add that Cakewrecks is now an entry there!

That said, I'd also like to send my therapy bill to Cakewrecks as well. That monkey invokes the Uncanny Valley o.o; *shudder*

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

UGH! the feet on that baby butt cake are CREEPY!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssa

There should be a warning when the post contains so much horror!!

Now I need someone to hold me.

wv: santla Santla sure won't visit these wreckerators!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Great, now I won't be able to sleep for a week straight. That monkey is just disturbing...those beady little black eyes stared straight through my soul. I can feel his hatred right through the screen!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGaliandy3941

OMG. Between the first (Fetus?!) cake and the last (Scary deranged monkey?!?!) my insomnia will now be reaching a new level! AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

Thanks a lot. Now, because of the monkey cake, we'll ALL have insomnia. Way to go. Way. To. Go.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterApril@ Natural Nester

I may never sleep again.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ


*whimper* *hides under the table*

That first baby - cake - thing - is horrifying. *shudder* Also, scary, scar, scary monkey.

That is all.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

That's a nice cake design.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterttv

The first and last cakes-AAAAAHHHH

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You effin' kill me.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike G!

Gahhhh!!! thank god for medication for sleep. come fair Ambien and wipe my troubled mind clean!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie Miller

AGGGHHH! That 1st cake is going to give me nightmares!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

The last sentence with the monkey comment had me so confused. Then I scrolled down. Holy cuss. That thing is clearly straight from the bowels of heck.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

This was like watching a horror movie. The dead pale baby, the evil clown, the demon monkey (that seriously was MADE to "fling poo"!!?? What kind of mother.....???).

See..... even SHE was possessed! It's the only explanation.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

I get it -- you just like the idea that most of your viewers will be 'keeping watch' with you. Since we're all up anyway, we should have some cake. Just not any of these.

By the way, Dr. Moreau called -- he wants his monkey back. He said something about changing the 5th finger to a thumb and making some other... 'refinements'.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Insomnia? More like never sleeping again. The monkey's eyes alone...meep.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG, that baby will giving me nightmares for years!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermichira-70

That's not a baby in the last but one cake, that's an old person creeping into that cake.......

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

That.was.terrifying!! I don't know what to do with myself and my poor unborn child whom will (I am sure) be the main character of all the nightmares induced by your terrifying post..

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralisaz

Holy Carp! The first one is Gollum's baby photo!!

Sweet dreams, my hiney. o.O pretty mean of you, Jen, to give the rest of us insomnia...

-Barbara Anne

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seriously disturbing. Not that this is a bad thing....

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ew. Reading through my blog roll, I saved Cake Wrecks, the best, for last. Now I'm creeped out! Thank goodness I usually go from CW to Epbot; I hope there's something sweet there to replace the creepy images in my brain!!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlindaroo

Cr*p. I took my last Ambien last night. Thanks a lot.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love the story. That last monkey, who last made an appearance in one of my nightmares, less so.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

Yanno, I've been reading this blog for a while, so my threshold for disturbing confectionery is pretty high.

I almost didn't make it past that first cake.

Please, just...if you ever find a cake version of one of those windup monkeys with the cymbals (a la Toy Story 3) please head it with a warning. I don't have any prescription sleep aids at my disposal.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShieldmaiden96

LOL - "Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy."

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

As a woman with three upcoming baby showers being thrown for her, I want to personally thank you for adding a tinge of dread to the otherwise exciting festivities.
[should I just ask for cheesecake? nobody puts monsters on cheesecakes, right?]

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterM. Muenich

Boy, that monkey's going to be visiting my nightmares tonight

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mocha Monster

Such a clever story!!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Okay, Mr.Monkey cake looks like something out of a nightmare. No wonder you have insomnia. I wouldn't be able to sleep after seeing that one either!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKerethina

ahhhhhhh!!!! the chubby legs and that money!!!!! scary and creepy

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

There ain't NOTHIN' soothing about any of that story or those cakes.

I'm gonna be sleeping with the lights on tonight, I think.

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

WHY does the monkey have no eyeballs? Creepy eye sockets of doom!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaaren

Thank you for the nightmares!

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBridget Delaney

The one with the pink buttercream blanket and the BABY HEAD SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET A CHUNK OF AAAAAGH is a near-miss. Imagine the same cake with some kind of cookie construction around the rim to suggest a crib with a smooth white mattress. On the mattress is a delicious delicious buttercream pink knitted blanket, folded or rumpled or otherwise impressively modeled using hundreds of little points of buttercream. For the final touch, either a piped inscription or a calligraphed sign on a pick, reading "BABY'S ON THE WAY." And no human body parts anywhere!

Word verification: borksat. I give the bakery five minutes before somebody borksat cake no matter how clearly you write the instructions.

November 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


November 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa Rogers

Mr. Bubbles and Mr. Monkey are in cahoots, aren't they...

November 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I'm all for pro-chice but is the first one an abortion cake? Thats a little un-tasteful, literaly.

As for Clowns with chainsaws they do that at markoff's haunted forest (poolsville MD)for halloween i thought i had just gotten rid of those dreams... guess not, thanks jen!!

WV-Manche- Manche, I should not have checked the CW today hahahah

November 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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