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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov182010

Engaging Wrecks

Impending nuptials are a great cause for cakey celebration. Much like the word "nuptials." (Am I the only one who thinks "nuptials" sounds kinda funny? Nuptials. NUPtials. NupTIals. NUPTIALS.)

At least this Wreckerator knows how to work the word in all smooth-like:


At first I thought that said, "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace." Then I realized it's supposed to say, "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace." Which is a line from Shakespeare, so out of respect for all my English teacher friends, I won't make fun of it. Even if it IS said to someone named (I am not making this up) "Hippolyta."



ANYway.... the real problem is the line is just too old-fashioned. Remember, yesterday's "nuptial hour draws on apace," is today's "Cong's!"

See? It's a "you say tomato, I say tomato" kind of thing.

Wait. I just realized that saying doesn't work in writing.

Ok, potato, potato.


(Dang it!)

Look, the important thing is that your sentiment be truly heartfelt:

And that you use your clich├ęd clip art judiciously:


"Dang it. I ran out of room before I could use the champagne flutes surrounded by streamers!"

And most importantly, never complain about foot ailments while ordering:

[giggle]

Thanks to Wreckporters Carrie C., Ang H., Connie P., Lis, & Dana, who know that, when in doubt, you spell it in all caps.

STUFF UPDATE: Due to popular demand, we now have pins for sale! We're still in a trial run, so be sure to tell me which styles you like, which you'd like to see changed or nixed, and which you'd like to see us make in the future!

« The Wrecks Which Shall Not Be Named | Main | Turkey Terror »

Reader Comments (80)

Cong's? Cong's? That is out of control!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I was kind of hoping for a picture of Wonder Woman's mother, but that's just the geek in me.

It took me a bit to actually read the last one. Somehow my brain turned TOW into OWW.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Okay , So when checking out the pins I absolutly squealed in delight. Not over the pins, which of course are fantastic, But because you used a line from a Pulp song. My favorite Pulp song. I absolutly love you guys.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTralix

The last cake had me giggling. How on earth did they mess it up that badly? ToW herts? Really?

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCookie

Hippolyta was also Wonder Woman's mother, so I guess her nuptial hour went well.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I was thinking last night while watching some intelligent people struggle to finish their presentations with something profound, moving, or witty that it takes talent to end well, much less end with a bag. Jen and John, you have that talent, although maybe it also helps that you have the material.
I was another who needed some time to get today's last wreck, but it was worth it. That is one epic mess-up.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Shouldn't cake decorator have to pass a spelling test?

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLizzy

TOW herts, best cake ever. I can't stop laughing, and forget it if I actually look at it again.
How are people this dumb? And I can't even imagine the poor people when they come to pick up their 'special' cakes.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

The last one made me laugh out loud! As I was reading it, I kept thinking "Man I hope that the person who ordered that cake was a CW fan and ordered it that way on purpose". But sadly, having seen some of the cake horrors on here, it's probably not intentional.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamesterCK

My word verification: conge

"Jen" Conge on the great "success" of your'e book!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I have a question:
Do people actually buy CCC, and, if so, why?
And do the people that get these wrecks put their feet down and refuse to pay?

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKirri

Wait a tick...The Clip-Art cake looks like it is in front of a cat flap (animal door.) Or is it a clothes dryer vent? Now that is where I would place my sweets before snapping that cherished pic.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReceptionist Row

You say tomato, I say potato! (ala Bring It On)

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

you did NOT just dis hippolyta, she was literally queen of the amazons! i think shakespeare nicened up the story from the original though (let's just say it was typical greek mythology and leave it there)

also wonder woman, pshaw

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that last one is a cake celebrating malfunctioning rental cars, with the usual wreckerator mistakes. It should read: Tow Hertz...

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen Taylor

That picture under Hippolyta is priceless!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaryl

A sad sign of our media-saturated culture: the picture-in-picture engagement cake for Elizabeth and George! Because looking at one cake is not enough - we must see TOW at once. ;)

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKB

You totally need to put that last one on a pin.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacey

I'm surprised you have not had any "The hippo's name is Hyacinth not Hippolyta" comments. Today may be a god day after all.

Excellent post as always.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I shall send one of each of these cakes to Prince William as either an offer of congratulations or for the purpose of causing annoyance. I haven't decided which yet.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I had to read that last one about a dozen times before I realized what they were trying to say!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Right. Hold onto your belt 'cuz this could get messy in the next hour.

Oh, if I had a hammer ...

wv: bleheem : B-, blehee- (hee-hee), mm, bleheem, m-, me, it doesn't get better than this. (snerk)

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

*facepalm* The last cake is supposed to be "Two hearts that beat as one." Man, that took me awhile.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

Must...have...Epcot...pin!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCdaae663

I had to keep reading TOW HERTS until I made sense of it. "Two hearts that beat as one"!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMallory

You know, based on how people in Shakespeare's time didn't have standardized spelling or grammar, he may well have written "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace."

Also, don't dis A Midsummer Night's Dream.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAthene Numphe

Amazing that nuptial was spelled right, since it is often pronounced "nuptual".

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEsty

Tomato, tomahto/Potato, potahto?

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Hey! Don't make fun of Hippolyta. She was an Amazon queen, so if you make fun of her name, she can totally kick your butt. (Maybe the quote says something about the bride to be, eh?)

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJosin L. McQuein

That last cake made my jaw drop so fast I think I pulled a muscle. Unbelievable!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKnit Wit

Another laugh-out-loud day. The last cake is a classic.

Random cake-related humor that I had to share:

Cake versus Pie: a Scientific Approach

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/pie-verus-cake-scientific-approach.html

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA fan

That last cake caused me physical pain. No more reading CakeWrecks while nursing, due to baby's startle reflex (aka clamp'n'pull) at loud noises, such as laughter. It's not my TOW that herts....

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

My anniversary is on 2/16 (this next one will be 24 years). I "want" that last cake as a T-shirt to wear on that "special" day!!

Regarding the clip art cake. Yes, the clip art was tacky, but I'm really trying to figure out the point of the landscape scene on one half, and everything else pushed over to the second half. Maybe KB is right, and the wreckerator got confused, and made what was supposed to be two cakes into one.

I'm also wondering how anyone would use Cong as an abbreviation for Congratulations. Con-grat-u-la-tions. The 'g' isn't even in the same syllable!

wv- inesseep: The wreckerator on the last cake was obviously suffering from somnambulism, and wrote on this cake inesseep.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTheOneOnTheRight

I laughed so hard at ToW herts that I scared my toddler. No wonder he refers to this blog as CaCa.

WV: requitu. "If you keep messing up the spelling on they're cakes, the customers are going to ask us to requitu. AGAIN."

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I really don't get the clip art cake at all. I mean, is that supposed to be a beach on the left? And clip art on the right? Why? I mean, just, why?!

I love TOW herts... Definitely a genuine laugh-out-loud wreck. Oh lord.

WV: foripi. I need to stop laughing foripi my pants.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

What's with the ploughed field on the cake with the clip art? And those sort of palm tree-looking things? Has me stumped, for sure...

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one herts. In a big way.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

The only upside I can see for "Congs" is that it's much harder to misspell. Before finding CakeWrecks I would have said it was impossible to misspell, but after seeing "Tow herts" nothing would surprise me!

wv difers: "Wow. This cake really difers from what I thought I was ordering. Refund please!"

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTucsonjill

Elizabeth & George -- maybe the engagement was a surprise and the intended "beach luau theme" cake had to be suddenly transformed into an engagement cake after it was 3/4 complete? There HAS to be a reason for all that beachy blank-ness on the left.
WV: kinguill - When Prince William becomes kinguill send him a cake.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPinkAsphaltMama

I think "TOW hurts beat as one" needs to be a t-shirt AND a pin. How perfect is that? Hilarious...

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#4: Way to wreck what could have been a very nice cake! Leave it to a wreckerator to spell 'congratulations' correctly, then snark it up by putting it in quotes.

I'm thinking 'triangle' for some reason -- or why ordering such a cake locally might not always be a good call.

To wreckerator on phone: "You're just calling to see how the event went? How very nice -- it just ended. No, no one noticed any unusual flavor -- why do you ask?"

The last one belongs in the wrecking yard.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Seeing as the "Tow Herts Beat As One" Was Obviously In a Store Display... I Believe that it could have been A Cake where you're Supposed To Give Them A Sentence To Write, And Instead Of Fixing The Spelling While Icing The Cake, The Cake 'artist' Left It As It Was, And The Purchaser Of The Cake Decided NOT To Buy It Because Of It... So It Got Placed In The Display Window... And There You Go

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You say tomato, I say tamato
You say potato, I say patato
Tomato, tamato
Potato, patato
Let's call the whole thing off!

wv: I just about had a vernia laughing at that last cake!

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

Add me to the crowd that took a while to figure out what the last cake was supposed to say. How is it even POSSIBLE . . . I don't even ask that any more since reading this site daily for a long time.
The clip art scene was also puzzling . . . Lost in the desert? Crawling towards an oasis? Completely confused.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm a little confused by the first cake. While not my taste personally, I had no problem reading it correctly and recognizing it as a quote. The spacing for 'Apace' does look like two words, but 'hour' and 'draws' I don't see the problem with.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first cake was clearly a case of someone looking up marriage related Shakespeare quotes without any thought to the context of said quote.

Theseus and Hyppolita? Really? In a scene where he tries gloss over the whole part where she was pretty much the spoils of war? (And then sides with Egeus that Hermia is his property? Not to mention saying older women - not older people, natch - need to die and leave their money to young men who shouldn't have to sit around waiting for it)

This can make for great theater - but do you want it on your engagement cake? Unless the bride actually is being forced into this marriage against her will in which case I withdraw that objection and offer a few different non cake-related ones

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJean Marie

I'm not really sure why the first one is a wreck--the writing is mostly centered, the roses are applied fairly evenly; is it the "old-fashioned" sentiment on it? OK, it doesn't look all that expertly done, so maybe that's why it was included, but maybe they got a discount because the store's trainee decorated it.

Once I figured out what the last one was supposed to say--the glare over the word "one" made it difficult at first--I had to once again wonder why cakes have no proofreaders. Then again, proofreaders in general seem to be in short supply.

wv: unhead--in certain societies, there doubtless would be a decree issued to unhead some of these wreckerators.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

How do you pronounce nuptials anyway? I always assumed it was "nup-tee-els"...

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mocha Monster

welp, that last one certainly guarantees "no more love on the run"

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Believe it or not, the heart cake with all the latice and such was a replica of my wedding cake. We didn't buy a cake because noone ever eats it in my family so someone 'did us a favor' by going to a wholesale store and buying a cake anyway. Sadly, aside from the corner we were obligated to cut and smash on each other, that thing hit the garbage untouched at the end of the reception. We also had a guest steal all our wedding flowers after the ceremony. Yes. They literally grabbed up all the roses, stuffed them in their van and sped off with them leaving us no flowers for the reception. The most ridiculous, hilarious and nonsensical wedding I have ever been to was my own and purely by accident.

November 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

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