My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

A choking hazard in a treeeee.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Two buttered bells,
And a choking hazard in a tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Three whipped ghosts,
(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Six pounds of icing,
♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?
Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eleven candy canes that kinda look like Slimey the Worm,


Ten piles of nothing (You FORGOT?!),

Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Thirteen TWELVE fake flowers,
Eleven Slimey Canes,
Ten lots a' nothing,
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!

Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.


CCC Day #4

Best Friends Animal Society operates the nation's largest sanctuary for abused and abandoned animals, from cats and dogs to rabbits and horses. Their mission is to create a world with no more homeless pets. Period.

Click here to donate your dollar!

« Our 1000th Post! | Main | Pastry Gags »

Reader Comments (322)

As a child of the 80s I must thank you for the shout-out to those denizens of The Great White North, Bob & Doug McKenzie. Sadly, I had to go to YouTube to show a younger colleague the B&D version of the song because she had NO idea what I was talking about. Kids today...


December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjennl777


December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllyson

I just spent the last 2 days at a fungal conference (no joke) and so I especially enjoyed the fungi jokes.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAbby

PLEASE..... record this song and sell the MP3 somehow to raise more charity funds! I'd spend a couple of bucks to be able to play this on my iPod!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWild Cakes

Love the "and a Beer" reference :) Now I must track down that version of the song someplace.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTori

That was amazing. Good job with the Harry Potter reference and "a beer". Your wit was not lost on me :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynnetta

Your references to Slimey, Harry Potter, and particularly the McKenzie Brothers were particularly amazing. Thank you for making my Finals Week less horrible!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHermione

WE'RE NOT WORTHY!! hahahahaha This the BEST!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjankie98

Made me snort-laugh! Really good example of why I even bother to get on the internet these days...

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA

"And is anyone even still reading this?"

Yes yes YES!! Loved every creative word of it.....and the beer!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

I sang this to my kids this morning.
They LOVED it.
Me too.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhappygeek

If it's OK to post a link here, this is an animated version of the 12 Days of Christmas, Canadian style.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl


And who among the readers was NOT singing along?

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle P

Best. Post. EVAH!!!

You are so my hero. I would say shero but that word has negative connotations for me. Maybe we'll just go with SUPERSTAR(!) instead.

And of course I was singing it in my head the whole way through. Awesome. You rock my world.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

You seriously outdid yourself! That was hilarious! I actually sung the whole thing in my head as I read along. :D (PS. Loved the Bob & Doug reference!)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAutumn

WOW - what an excellent post! Your dedication to ruining Christmas songs parallels only that of wreckerators' dedication to ruining Christmas. Well done!

WV: latorbef. A cross between an alligator and a cow. Considered a delicacy in many cultures, it's beef with a bite.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNomarella

I was actually singing along by the time I got to the Eighth Day. Thank you for the morning giggles!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacy G.

Audio ... we need audio!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L


So here's the thing: First Giving doesn't work with PayPal. Which is stinky. However, First Giving allows donations as low as a dollar and they are relatively cheap. As a contrast, giving a dollar through PayPal costs about 32 cents which is also stinky. At this point, I would wait until we do Charity Water, which allows PayPal, and give the whole $12 there. Or you might be able to go directly to the charity websites though I don't think any of them accept less than $10.

Confused yet? Yeah, me too.

Thanks for being awesome everybody!


December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of JEN)


December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"...Eight Runny Egg Yolks..." AND an amoeba! How could you forget the amoeba! Or maybe it's a slime mold...

WV - noney: 9 out of 10 Guy Fieri's agree, these wrecks are NONEY!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

This was the BEST.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDuessa

*wipes away the tears from laughing so hard* Oh, THANK you so very much for this!

I agree. Thestrals all the way. And the fungus jokes - totally took me back to high a good way.

ER on speed dial...and a beer...salmonella...

Seriously, I'm going to be thinking of this and laughing all day.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGail

You had me cracking up through the whole post! Well played Jen! Well played!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterleannwoo

Cool! Another song for "Cake Wrecks: the Musical!" This was awesome!
I must admit that I thought the mushrooms were cute- they look like meringue cookies. But the Yule log they were on, Yikes!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love it! I had to sing through the WHOLE stinkin' thing in my head!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara R

I think this calls for another one of your delightful music videos, is what I think.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHungarican Chick

Seriously funny stuff. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertogetherforgood

That was hysterical!! Thanks for the laugh!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I was totally singing this the entire time I read the post. I loved how the tree and mushrooms kept changing. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZombie Edward

Completely awesome! Thestrals, slimey and beer! I second the request for an audio version for my iPod--that would be on my most-played list. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

And a a treeeeeeeeeee!!!

Bob and Doug for the win.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Howard

Hahahaha!!! that made my day- and I read to the end!!
Go Bob and Doug and your BEER!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen, you are brilliant.

(So is John, who I assume had a hand in this genius work of musical inspiration?)

I loved all your synonyms for "crap in a treeeee...." Happy Chrismakwanzakuh!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

You guys are killing this month!! I now have another favorite post:)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadTigerKitty

That. Was. Way. Too. Hilarious!

#1: Christmas light bulbs??? Why not just put a strand of lights on it and plug it in?

#2: Patooie!

#3: Lets see...snowmen on yellow snow? Looks like the one on the left is holding one of those swizzle-stick swords...O.o

#4: It's The Situation in a Santa suit!

#5: A yule log with mushrooms. O.o

#6: Santa is supposed to get stuck in the chimney, not a tree! Maybe he'd look just as funny "stuck" in #5.

#7: They almost look like peeps.

#8: Ewwwwwww.

#9: I don't know what they are, but they've got a tree growing on their backs. I think if I drink enough beer and eat enough of those mushrooms I'll understand their meaning.


#11: Slimey!

#12: I bet it's a CCC (patooie). Oooh and they used ribbon too.

wv: dayindi: Too many of those 'shrooms will make you dazyindi head.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

I love your blog but never comment. You got me with the beer ( a tree)!
Thanks for all the laughs!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

I read on a reader, but made a point to get to the site to comment and say... I almost just peed my pants. Very clever and good and even better that you left out 10 and gave yourself a beer.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Excellent post! I sang along the whole time. When will a recorded version be coming to iTunes??

I have to wonder out loud if the maker of cake #5 has ever seen a proper bûche de nöel. That thing is a giant blob of poop-colored icing with a jar of sprinkles dumped on it.

wv: aithy. My stomach was a little aithy after ingesting some plastic flotsam from cake #1.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

JEN!!!!! Your cleverness knows no bounds. I am all squishy inside over your Bob & Doug reference, eh. Geez, I am totally craving a jelly donut...

But what I thought was REALLY funny, was that I didn't just READ the post, I SANG it to the tune ALL THE WAY TO THE END.

Oh yeah, and special props for scratching out the 13th poinsettia.

You make a lot of people very happy, I hope Santa is extra good to you this year!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummer S

This is my favorite post ever. I really like how things were reworded so it didn't get redundant.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermegstro

Among all your many hilarious posts, that was surely one of the very, very best! Laughed till tears were running down my cheeks and the dog was looking at me funny.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

I have never laughed so hard...

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

I giggled out loud all the way through it....and now I'll have the song stuck in my head for the next four days. :-)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

And a beer... Good job MacKenzie Brothers

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohnamatron

I appreciated the Bob & Doug McKenzie reference! That's my four-year old's favorite version of "12 Days of Christmas."

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan & Jennifer

My favorite post of the year. And that's saying a lot. Truly LOL with my daughter all the way through. Thanks for that.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim

That was pretty amazing. I actually really truly did laugh out loud at that one. Awesome job, y'all.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

snorted on the slimey worm candy cane cake....BRAVO!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~flying gurl~

Every single person on the internet should go to your site everyday for their slice of humor. It would insure a least one good laugh no matter what was going in their lives. As a loyal Canadian fan I did read/sing to the very end and enjoyed the changes. You have inspired me to find a charity in my home town that I could give a few bucks to. Merry Christmas to you and your fans

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>