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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec152010

Pastry Gags

If you've read this blog for any length of time, then you may be under the impression that only cakes can be royally wrecked. Well, in honor of National Pastry Day (which was last Thursday [so obviously it's not that honor-full]) I've decided to disabuse you of that unfairly cakist notion. Right after I go see if "cakist" is a word.

[Googling]

No, no it isn't. But "googling" is. Go fig.

[shrug] Ok, on to the pastry!

Remember those gingerbread "men" horrors I featured last week? Well, it could be worse. Meet the regular bread man:

"Yes, I know the muffin man. That dude is CRAZY."

1 out of 4 Spider-Mans agree: these chocolate cupcakes are "da bomb!"

The purple flower is what really sells it.

I can't say I understand what's going on with these cream horns:

Um...

...but I'm not sure putting smiley faces on them would help:

Um... Ew.

Speaking of which, nothing says, "Yum!" like a gummie worm crawling out of a ball of chocolate poo:

Am I right?


And a few personal favorites:

Yes, I know they're croquembouches. What I *don't* know is how to pronounce it. Or why Sister Mary Leia there and her fellow patron saints of sports are armed with swords. [head tilt] Huh.

Packed with pistachio, these chocolate dipped knuckle sandwiches really satisfy!

And speaking of chocolate, here's a tip:


When it comes to "Bon Bon's," aim high.

And lean to the right.

Still, nothing gets a rise out of a paying customer quite like a...a...

Peep with a goatee? Maybe?

April K., Danielle B., Malisa I., Margie J., Amy N., Amanda W., Yunn C., Eva M., Malin R., no matter how you slice it, something here definitely went a rye. When you knead your Peeps toasty, that's gonna cost a lotta dough!

---------------------------------

CCC Day #3:


Love146 has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less."

Click here to donate a dollar via FirstGiving.

« The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas | Main | Point of Reference »

Reader Comments (98)

I think maybe the last one is trying to be a puff pastry type swan? Maybe? Okay, look, it's the best I can do. But OMG, I LOVE some of these pics. Way too funny. Thanks for the laugh. Now time to go off and donate!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

that bread man is certainly a bread "woman"!! Totally curvy with elephantiasis of the arms.

On to add my dollar!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRhonda

those Bon Bons just killed it for me! Cringeworthy!
WV>boant-those bugs in the canoe

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpeg

Huh. Could've sworn the bread man was dried squid. But I live in HK, almost in the dried fish district -- it's what I'm used to seeing. I would only hope that this smells a bit better than that....

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristian Johnson

I think the "regular bread man" is actually something seen in some TSA security video...

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDanger Boy

#1 looks like an octopus, and #3 looks like those "novelties" sold in truck-stop restroom vending machines.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I had a croquembouche wedding cake. We could have used a sword. Those puff pastries are stuck together with hardened caramelized sugar, and then more of the sugar is drizzled over the completed pastry tower. Difficult to take apart. Our guests had to be patient, but really appreciated what one called our "Timbit cake".

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdawn

Jen, if "cakist" wasn't a word before, it is now! :)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

Oh, I'm glad you picked this organization again--I remember reading about them here last year and am so impressed with the work they do. Awesome!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

I would serve those bon bons at a bachelorette party *eg*

The first time I heard somebody say croquembouche, I thought they said "Croak in a bush".

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M.

Sister Mary Leia = awesomeness.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

Aaaaiii! That regular bread man looks like something out of Silent Hill!!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

I'm surprised you didn't include this guy's bread-art!

inventorspot.com/articles/body_bread_13546

(too gory maybe?)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWild Cakes

OMG! I laughed so hard I had tears!. thank you, thank you, thank you.. I thought the bread shaped like an aligator at Publix was bad. These are aweful.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandy also in SoFla

Croquembouche is pronounced like CRO-kam-boosh.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Dawn, your Canadian roots are showing! The Americans will now have to venture north to sample our regional delicacy at the many Tim Hortons of Canada. I now have a hankering for a Timbit and a double double!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Allworthy

I totally want a Sister Mary Leia.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

@ Wild Cakes - yes, definitely too gory for this time of the morning. Or any time. ;)

We still get it submitted at least a few times a week, though. [shudder] [twitch]

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Why does any wreckawrator think adding poo will make it better?? Fools!
And its pronounced CREM BOO SHAY hope that helps!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Thanks for the laughs. Those are pretty terrific wrecks.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

"Whoa. Sandworms."--Beetlejuice

Those are some scary eclairs.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeb in atlanta

I didn't even know what "croquembouche" (literally "cracks in your mouth") were until this post and I realised they are what (we) French people call "choux".This are "pièces montées",traditional Frech wedding cakes and here catholic "communion" cakes(when you are a teen and you finally enter the big catholic family beeing allowed to get the host),they are probably a mix of religion and the kids favorite sports^^

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFrenchgril

The last one really should be a chicken. Because when you see it, it's adorable. (The piece in the center is the crown, the lower triangle is the beak - he just has a body shaped like a bedroom slipper.) :)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

That breadman seems to be Kogepan's evil, demented cousin! 0__0

- Gyp

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, now the guy fixing my front hall floor thinks I'm crazy. I should know better than to pull up CW when there are people around.

Total laughing out loud bursts that shake the walls are apparently not what he hears when he is working most days.

I'm just lucky I swallowed my chocolate pudding before seeing the bonbons and Sister Mary Leia.

Totally awesome comments, as usual.

Keep 'em coming, cake, bread, WHATever you find.
~~Di

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

#1: It's definitely "manly". Ahem.

#2: There's a couple things here. First, notice that these are from the delicatessen, NOT the bakery dept. Delis where I come from sell meat and certain side dishes. Second, notice the swirly bit of frosting at the tippy top of the web. Looks like Spidey had some extra and had trouble getting off his web-slinger.

#3 & 4: ROTF! Those are just wrong, wrong, wrong!

#5: No, you are not right. Ewwww. ;-D

#6: Those aren't swords, they're "life savers"

#7: Look! Corn!

#8: X-D So bon-bons are what they are called now?!

#9: You'd better be nice, that peep looks mean!

wv: chacapan: What Chaka Khan cooks with.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

@Dawn, now I've got a Timbit craving. Gee, thanks!(For non-Canadians: Tim Hortons is the main chain of doughnut shops here in Canada. To say Canadians are fans would be an understatement. Timbits are their version of doughnut holes).

The first one could be an alien-- or it could be what happens to The Situation when he gets old and doughy! (ref to the cake from the other day)

#3... I think that squirt of icing should be on the tip, no?

#5 yup, works coming out of my food. that spells appetizing

Sister Mary Leia... good one! And it's CROW-kum-boosh. Or Epcot-to-be!

The knuckles don't look so bad. Then again, they're chocolate covered. So by definition yummy ;)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

The stripey pastries look like dismembered zebra legs. They even have hooves. How disturbing!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan Willis

Are you certain that first one is not, in fact, a "bread miscarried deformed fetus"? I'm just sayin'...

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

You Googled cakist

I googled croquembouches

A croquembouches looks like a stack of those mini frozen cream puffs, which are delicious btw.

Garnishing with a warrior angel, or whatever, wouldn't deprive me of the deliciousness of a mini cream puff.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Wow. I think the last one is a failed attempt at a baby Digimon in one of those Primary Village cradle things.
Yeah... I just brought THAT reference. I don't suppose anyone else knows that one.
That's really the only thing I cab see it being, though. Because it'd be an even crappier attempt at anything else.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDylan Roy

Oh blimey, could this be a double Epcot? I think we know how crokeybush is pronounced after the last time...
I'd like some of those chocolate knuckle thingies, they look yummy!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

I went to the Inventor Spot gory body parts bread.

I believe I have now seen everything.

Must have brain surgery to remove the images.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Croakemboosh.

Hope that helps. Although, nothing could help that thing.

Also, I am a flat broke law student DEEP in student loan debt so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop picking charities with goals I care so much about.

Maybe tomorrow can be the "Donate to Donald Trump" foundation or something? That would be helpful. Thanks.

(No, but seriously, these organizations are awesome, thanks for reminding everyone to give back!)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenny

I've seen a bread snowman that was actually pretty cute. But that bread blob there is terrifying.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

How to Pronounce French Words...a rule of thumb.

Leave out half the letters altogether and slur the rest and you'll be close. Say it fast and no one will notice ... unless they're French maybe.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Bread man looks like ET to me

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterok2bwicked

I keep going back to laugh at the orange-smiley-eclaire-worms--they're so hysterically awful!

Off to donate!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTucsonjill

I think that the Chocolate bombs are Smurf houses. The one with the purple flower is Smurfettes.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Sister Mary Leia = Jedis for Jesus? ;-)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think Sister Mary Leia is suppose to be Joan of Arc - warrior maiden saint. French cake to celebrate French saint?

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliB

@ Mary Connealy:
Or, if you're in the presence of a French person, start saying it but speak very slowly, and they'll usually get fed up and tell you, lol.
Ah, the joys of being English in New Brunswick!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

coucou!!
I'm french and i think very funny the croquembouches you presented : in my country, only bakers say croquembouche (it' very upper class!!!) let's say "pièce montée" it's the same thing (and easier to say perhaps???).
Félicitations for your blog, I enjoy the wrecks every day!!!
Céline

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's pronounced "Croak-on-booshe"

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHungarican Chick

Okay I know you post lots of choco-poop pics, but seriously, that one with the worm is the most actually-poo-like ever. I've seen gross stuff here, but that one was the first to truly turn my stomach. I should have known better than to read while eating a brownie.

Egads. Someone should slap that baker.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

what is #4???? (below the icing) IT LOOKS LIKE A JACKET POTATO!!!!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScarlett Robyn

The name for those "Croquenbouche" cakes, here, are St. Honoré cakes named for St. Honoré (or Saint Honoratus), the patron saint of bakers.

St. Honoré cakes, unlike the Croquenbouche, aren't drizzled with caramelized. The ones I have had are a sponge cake, layered with lemon curd. On top of the cake, a layer of cherry filling is covered with a generous pile of whipped cream and bite-sized creampuffs and drizzled with chocolate. I used to have it every birthday for many years.

Croquenbouche is pronounced Crock ehn booch (you roll the r in crock and the "en" is sort of a nasally "on" sound with the n being silent). I'm not sure why some people spell it Croquembouche.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnneke (Mudhooks)

Oh... and Croquenbouche means "crunch in the mouth" in French.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnneke (Mudhooks)

I knew I would see a comment from someone on how to pronounce that word. I saw at least two and they were both different. To funny.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTed C

Those are great! Peep bread, who would have thought. Lean to the right....ahahahahaha

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

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